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If A Man Wants YOU!!!
June 17, 2005
9:54 am
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angel4U
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Got this from a friend and thought I'd share ... have a Blessed Day All! - A4U
===============
If A Man Wants YOU!!!

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends."

A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything.

He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behaviors.
Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.

He is a man, nothing more, nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...When a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Share this with other ladies... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. Men, share this with the ladies in your life who mean something to you. It might just make her day!

June 17, 2005
10:05 am
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angel4U
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Added note: Someone said this recently and I also believe it to be true: There are people out there that are truly NOT ready for a relationship because they do not know how to love. period. The whole concept of "he's just not that into you" really does not apply here (btw - I still hate those words because I find them to be so negative ... especially when said to someone already feeling rejected). So don't take it personally if they act like they don't want you, or don't show you the love and affection you desire ... they simply can't yet, because they don't know how. And it won't be until (if ever) they feel empty enough inside to finally get up and learn how.

Nothing you say or do will change that, but you "might" help open their eyes and teach them something by simply not tolerating poor treatment. Even if they don't get it, doing so will always leave you feeling good about yourself. And that's always a good thing .. =)

June 17, 2005
10:25 am
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lollipop3
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Thanks Angel,

Your posts are always inspirational and thought provoking.

((((hugs))))

Lolli

June 17, 2005
10:34 am
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Rasputin
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Thank you angel. This is so witty, funny and smart.

I love you!!!

~Rasputin~

June 17, 2005
10:38 am
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exoticflower
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Oh, Angel, where did you find this? My printer is buzzing away as I type, this is definately one for the diaper bag AND the bedside. Not that I plan on dating again any time soon by any stretch, but I could stand to remind myself all of these things as they pertain to my last relationship. Thanks so much angel!

I find, btw, that it is the things I WOULDN'T do that sent the loudest message--that I will not tollorate, condone, or partake in this behavior.

June 17, 2005
1:15 pm
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SoulSpirit
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Wonderful advice! I am blessed... I truly am. Today is my anniversary, and I am thankful for the past 4 years... they have been rocky at times, but the growth is phenominal. If I can do it, anyone can! Getting on the positive side of life is a choice, a difficult one, but so gratifying once you arrive!

June 17, 2005
1:16 pm
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lollipop3
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Hi Soul,

I'm not sure what "aniversary" it is for you today but....

HAPPY ANIVERSARY!

Lolli

June 17, 2005
1:45 pm
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amberly
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This was wonderful. I needed it so badly. It was just what the dr. ordered. Well not the medical dr because there is not one for broken hearts but the soul dr.
Angel you are great for posting this.

Happy Anniversary Soul.
I wish everyone the best. Have a good day.
Amberly

June 17, 2005
2:00 pm
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CAMER
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thanks!!!

June 17, 2005
2:05 pm
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enoch
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doesnt this apply to the fairer gender too?

June 17, 2005
2:24 pm
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artist 2
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This post sums it up into one thought:

LOVE THYSELF.

June 17, 2005
2:40 pm
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SoulSpirit
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You are so right Artist!

June 17, 2005
3:15 pm
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enoch
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what about love the lord with all of your heart and love thy neighbor? any room here?

June 18, 2005
9:23 am
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Amazed
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Can't we learn from this one about ourselves as well. Rather than applying this to a man how about anyone? Male or female? I tried it and I think it works.

I also wonder if this isn't a better instruction manual vs. a way to understand. How about using this to think and learn about what relationships take. How about a look within vs. at someone else?

Just a thought.

June 18, 2005
11:18 am
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angel4U
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Thanks all for your responses.

enoch/Amazed - Although I posted it the way it was written, I do think it applies to both genders, and I apologize that this seemed to single anyone out. I actually almost changed the title and reworded some things, but didn't think it was appropriate to do since I didn't write the original.

enoch - You wrote: "what about love the lord with all of your heart and love thy neighbor? any room here?" Although this was written in a more light-hearted tone, there was actually a biblical verse at the end of this that I left out due to the guidelines. I do agree with you though that the Lord (for me anyway) plays a key role in love and all of the relationships we have. But I think part of loving the Lord is loving ourselves and others enough by not allowing ourselves to be treated poorly, and not treating others poorly. In other words, are we truly living in His light by allowing someone to lie, cheat, string us along, control us to be who they want us to be and not who we and the Lord want us to be? Or vice versa? Spirituality plays a big role in relationships for me, and I have tried to keep within those guidelines when in relationships, but unfortunately don't always get it back (e.g. when someone lies, deceives, or takes advantage of me to satisfy their own selfish needs, I have a hard time understanding and letting it go, especially when communication is refused on the other person's part or when the person acts as if they have done no wrong). I would love to hear more of what your thoughts are behind your question, and more importantly, any suggestions you have.

SoulSpirit - Congrats on your anniversary! (As someone else asked ... what anniversary is this?)

Amazed - Can you elaborate on this?

"I also wonder if this isn't a better instruction manual vs. a way to understand. How about using this to think and learn about what relationships take. How about a look within vs. at someone else?"

I thought some of the lines were making some good points about looking at yourself. E.g.: "You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship."

Also, I have tendency of trying to understand too much I think - e.g. I ask the questions - and think I may be too patient sometimes, even when I am not getting clear communication from the other person (I have had friends say this to me). And then I am disappointed (and frustrated) when I find out my patience gave them the opportunity to hide things from me that they didn't want me to know because they knew I would not approve of it for myself (e.g. still not yet over a past relationship). So I am wondering if you can't go overboard with trying to understand sometimes, when you are not getting communication or understanding back from the other person? And I am also wondering where/when the right place is to draw the line in a relationship when your needs for honesty, communication, respect, etc. are not being met? I truly try to follow the guidelines of "do unto others, ...", but it seems not everybody does.

June 18, 2005
11:45 am
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artist 2
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Thanks Enoch but be careful that you don't offend someone with this comment.

June 18, 2005
11:59 am
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bonita1
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angel4u,

This was so awesome and so true. In therapy, I was asked if I don't allow myself to be treated poorly by my women "friends" (yes, or they wouldn't be friends!) then why put up with poor behavior from men???

At the very least, a man must treat you as well as your women friends treat you. We shouldn't settle for less. If the man professes to be in love with you, then his actions should reflect not only friendship but something more, something special...

At least that's what I think...

~~bonita

June 19, 2005
1:55 pm
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lita
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i love all of these posts keep up the good work all

June 19, 2005
2:37 pm
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sweetpea46
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soulspirit...my 26 anniversary was the 16 - after promising me and the counselor for 3 months he wouldn't do anything to ruin the holidays ann & bday..he told me he wanted a divorce the night before. he was in a bad mood for the last 2 weeks, my 46 birthday is monday, the 2 year anniversary of the stupidist thing i've ever done (meeting with my online "lover" because hubby went out of town.)I Hate HOlidays!! they cause so much anxiety for me, always have. probably because i want them to be special and he always ruins them. so i went to vegas as planned, but alone.(it's 2 hrs from me) i walked the malls and spent hours laying in bed staring at the ceiling. i haven't seen him since, been staying in hotels until he left to spend at least a few weeks with his sister while we figure things out. he asked me if i wanted to see him before he left and i said no - just go. good for me! but he talks to me like were still best friends and it's hard for me to still be mad. UNBELIEVABLE!
hey, talk about women that treat us badly....i called my girlfriend a few weeks ago and asked if she'd meet me in vegas for my birthday and then come for a visit, she was so excited and said she'd work it out and never called me back. so i asked my co-workers if they would go out with me monday night...i might even drink.......(i am new to alcohol) they are the only friends i have besides you guys! (whine whine)

June 25, 2005
3:45 am
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bonita1
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((((((sweetpea))))))

Happy belated birthday!

~~bonita

June 25, 2005
10:16 am
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Happy Birthday SweetPea!!!!!!!! Friends are as hard to find as a decent mate! I have many acquantances(SP?) but, no friends. I don't have one person who would go out of their way for me, even though I am prepared to bend over backwards for a friend. Sorry you spent it alone, if we knew each other, I would have went to Vegas with you! LOL. Hopefully one day all recovering CoDeps will come together and cling on! LOL:)

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