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Idon't want to feel jealous, but......
June 14, 2006
12:01 pm
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in57
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I live 2,000 from my boyfriend and we are in seriois discussions about me relocating to his area and making THE commitment. he is in recovery and also attends CODA. the other day after the CODA meeting a couple of gals came up and asked him to go to lunch...he did. 1 is married , the others available. anyway so he goes, the only guy and has lunch and visits with 3/4 very co-dependent women. he wasn't very forthcoming with the information, although he wasn't trying to hide it either. i felt jealous, left out and just not a peace about him doing that. so i expressed that to him and we did discuss it. those topics are not easy to brooch with your partner and i do feel like we are partners. i still feel jealous about it , although we habe let it drop....anyway looking for some input, so i can better handle these situations.....thanks so mcuh

June 14, 2006
12:10 pm
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Anonymous
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it is hard, and admitting it and talking thru it is the only right way to deal with it.

sounds like it's not that you feel he's cheating, but rather that someone else is getting his time and attention.

I have gone out for lunch after a coda meeting and it's not for "hooking up", as much as it's for discussing feelings - because in meeting, you can't give feedback or advice or support - you just listen....so going out after helps cuz you can talk about things tthat come to mind in meetings that you can't discuss.

keep the lines of communication open, that's the best you can do.....and also look at your own self to see how you can address these issues - cuz when you move here, he will continue with his meetings and unless you are coda too - he will be going without you....and even if you find you are coda too, you should find your own meetings to retain anonymonity and be able to open up freely.

there is a book out there called courage to trust, and it talks about learning to trust ourselves before we can trust other people....good read and makes sense.

June 14, 2006
12:35 pm
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in57
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thanks so much for your input. i do plan on going to coda and i planned on going to his meeting...it is a very good one and i have visited there when i am in town. i do have trust issues.always have, so i appreciate the book recommendation. this meeting he attends is mostly middle age women, a few men, a few gay men. so i don't know . i am sure i am too possessive. another issue right? i know i need coda...we just don't have it in our town. i thought of stsrting one, but i plan on moving soon. anyway thanks . would appreciate any input from all.

June 14, 2006
1:54 pm
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Anonymous
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could you travel to one?

I used to drive 90 minutes to go to my meetings...they saved my life....it was worth the commute.

June 14, 2006
1:56 pm
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Anonymous
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and again, be careful of going to his meetings....because often, if our partners are there, it will "stifle" our ability to speak openly and freely - and what goes on in meetings STAYS in meetings, so if you guys say things there, it will be hard to ignore outside of the meetings.

most places who do sponsor meetings have multiple meeting times.

also - if your issues come from being raised in an alcholic home - al-anon or adult children of alcholic meetings are equally as helpful....not sure if this is the case, just a suggestion if it is.

June 14, 2006
3:05 pm
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loverbee
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I gotta be honest, there is really nothing wrong with a man who is involved with a woman to go out with a few girls even if he is the only guy there...that said, there are some questions I think you need to ask yourself. Did he try to avoid you as a subject around them? Did he seem as if he was embarressed to bring you up? Was there any indication that his intentions were not good hearted. My bf of five years and I are very open with eachother. I didn't used to be but he has great communications skills and it has helped tremendously. I occasionally go out with my guy friends and he will go out to lunch with some girls and somehow, it always comes up if he is friends with them that I (his girlfriend) really love dogs or I would get along great because I love dance too. The point is he never tries to hide the fact taht he is with me and if your boyfriend did the same than you need to deal with your trust issues first. But I would say the key is to open up to your boyfriend. Instead of saying something like "It really made me mad that you went out with those girls like that" you should try "I know this is me and the issues that I have and I do trust you but for some silly reason I am feeling really jealous right now. As a friend could you help me get over it and talk about it?" That may open up communication to just be honest with him.

June 14, 2006
3:32 pm
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in57
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THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH...I REALLY NEED TO WORK ON THIS. AND HIS INTENTIONS WERE GOOD AND HONEST. I DON'T THINK HE WILL DO IT AGAIN. BUT I HAVE TO BE PREPARED....AGAIN THANKS.

June 14, 2006
3:32 pm
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in57
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THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH...I REALLY NEED TO WORK ON THIS. AND HIS INTENTIONS WERE GOOD AND HONEST. I DON'T THINK HE WILL DO IT AGAIN. BUT I HAVE TO BE PREPARED....AGAIN THANKS.

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