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iam hurt and confused i need advice
December 2, 2003
7:43 pm
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chloeysmomma
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4 yrs ago i gave custody to my baby s father to take care of her and now my sister refuses to talk to me and forgive me i was so young when i handed custody over to him i made a bad desison but i see her and talk to her all the time my sister hurts me this way by takeing her friendship away from me iam truly hurt what can i do

December 2, 2003
9:49 pm
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chloeysmomma
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lisset no i actually itsa a complicated story the short version of it is and this is the truth i gave custody to his parents to stop us from fighting over her and battleing constantly i was 19 when i got pregant and 20 when i had her he basically date raped me and so i had her and gave his parents custody he threatned me alot so to stop all of it i gave her to his parents i was young and made mistakes my daughter who is now almost 5 was never a mistake i have made mistakes so please dont judge me if u wanna know more ask thanks

December 2, 2003
10:55 pm
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mj
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Hugs....YOU did the best you knew at the time. I am sure it was a very hard decision.

December 3, 2003
2:54 am
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chloeysmomma
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it still is for me and painful but i adore my kid and she is in good hands with loving parents i didnt give her to my parents due to the way i was raised i hope u know i still hurt

December 3, 2003
3:38 am
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Zinnie
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Hi CM,

Of course you still hurt honey. There is no way around that. You did what you knew in your heart was best for the baby.

Being 19 or 20 (really any age for that matter) and a single Mother is very hard. You did what you knew in your heart was best for your little girl. You put her in a home where she would have stable parents, loving care, and people who would be able to provide for her. To many it sounds novel to raise the kids on their own, and I have a very high amount of respect for those that choose to do so, if they are doing right by the child.

In so many cases though, we see the child is nothing more than a pawn to everyone else included in this child's life (read some of Willie's posts, his girl friends ex is a case), and they grow up more confused and hurt than anything else because they have been used their entire life.

If your sister is refusing to talk to you? I know it hurts, I'm going through the same thing right now with my sister. But, you have to realize, just as I did with my own sister; that it is HER problem. When people make harsh statements and pass judgement on others, I have to think "what gives them the right?" Let them (or her) walk a mile in your shoes.

It was not like you were giving this baby up so you could go out and whoop it up in your life, you did so for the good will of the baby.

I would like to know if you don't mind. Do you get to see her, and does she know you as her Mommy, or does she call her Grand-parents Mom and Dad?

I wish you well, and applaud you for your courage to make the decision you did. As for your sister, that is HER problem, not yours.

Love,

Zinnie

December 3, 2003
9:02 am
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Wanttobewell
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Chloe,,,I know exactly how you feel. I did the same thing when my daughter was 11,,,long story and you don't want to hear it, As a matter of fact, I've been crying all morning because i miss her so..Still talk to her, go shopping, you know,,,but it's not the same. She'll be 17 in January. We lived in a small tight-knit community and all were pretty close, as she played softball, etc. When I married my husband and movd out of her school district, she was so distraught, I let her stay with her dad because she is very emotional, like me, and I was afraid she would do something foolish and try to hurt herself. I lost every friend I had, but that was nothing to the hurt and pain that I still feel every single day,,,You're sister doesn't know your pain either,,,as my friends don't know mine. It is cruel to be treated like an unfit mom who abandoned her child when all we wanted was the best for our precious ones. I'd go back and do it over again too,,,as you,,,but we can't. I feel for you my friend...I can't even write this without crying...Chloe, I don't know what you can do about your sister and her treatment of you. I am so very, very sorry. But she didn't walk in your shoes, and since you are still in your daughter's life, as I am in mine's life, all I can tell you is just try to concentrate on your child and that she is doing well, as mine is most of the time,,,that will be your comfort, and time may be what is needed. We can't predict the future in cases like ours. Mine will be 17, and I always talk to her about what happened, and she knows why I let her stay, but deep down I can't help wondering if she thinks I abandoned her., She says no, but who knows? Love and the best to you,,keep talking to your precious one and letting her know how very much you love her. Maybe you can put your sister on a back burner for a bit. You didn't say how old she is. I cried and talked for a long time this morning to my mom about my daughter. She told me that I always showed I loved her, and that children are so much smarter than we think they are...They know who loves them is what she said. That helped a little. But as far as your sister,,I don't know. This is probably not much help, but what can you do? You can explain and talk and try to get her to understand but if she chooses not to....I don't see a whole lot you can do about it. Maybe someone else has been through this and can help. I can tell you that the one best friend who's been in my life a long time didn't turn her back on me or judge me. She was very close to all of us though and knew the situation. What about close friends of yours,,,do you have one in particular that you can go to? I don't have a sister, and this friend of mine is my sister as far as I am concerned. It hurts I know. W

December 4, 2003
6:20 pm
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stillhere
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i feel really bad 4 my daughtere

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