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I would appreciate prayer
November 8, 2006
10:51 am
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jastypes
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I would like to ask for prayer for SELF-CONTROL. In particular with regard to money and food. I had decided to give up trying to lose weight, and was basically okay emotionally with that. But physically, I feel horrible. I know that the time I felt the best was when I was eating 6 small meals a day, and drinking lots of water. I am having an irregular heartbeat, and am short of breath anytime I walk. At the moment, I have a mega-headache. I'm sitting her looking at my water bottle, but haven't taken a sip. I missed several days of meds, but am back on since yesterday. I don't know why I have such a hard time taking care of myself, but I do.

November 8, 2006
4:15 pm
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Randomwomen2
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You are in my thoughts and prayers sweetheart. YOu have to take care of yourself hunny (((Jastypes)))

November 8, 2006
4:25 pm
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readyforachange
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(((jastypes))) I will keep you in my prayers. I truly believe in its power. A question...do you have any idea why it is so difficult for you to do the things you know you need to do to take care of yourself? I know I'm still struggling with the reasons for many of my actions...I think it is sometimes hardest to understand why we do what we do.

November 8, 2006
4:36 pm
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jastypes
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I honestly don't know why, Ready. I used to blame my molestation by dad. But he apologized this year, and I thought that should make all the difference. I think it's just being overwhelmed with life. I mean I've been working a full-time job, then coming home and doing a part-time job (transcription work) every night for the past 3 weeks, at least. On the one night I take off, including weekends, I run my girls to youth group, stay for a service, pick up my son, and then collapse into bed about midnight. On top of that, I'm dealing with feelings about my mom's upcoming biopsy, my son's upcoming surgery, my other son's uncontrolled diabetes and lack of motivation to find a job, my husband only being home on weekends, and then not being particularly kind, money problems up the wazoo. Hey, no wonder I can't take care of myself. But it's a Catch 22 situation, because IF I ate right, hydrated, took my meds, and exercised, there is no doubt I would be able to handle all the other stuff better. I just can't switch gears it seems. And I honestly have not had a day off in weeks. not good.

November 8, 2006
4:55 pm
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jastypes
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Ready, now you've got me talking, and I can't shut up. I really do believe in the power of prayer. Today I managed to drink one bottle of water, and had a salad for lunch with fat-free dressing. I even surprised myself. I was thinking of not going to church tonight, but then checked the website to see what the message topic is. You're not gonna believe this one: Balancing Life's Demands.

Guess I'm going.

jill

November 8, 2006
7:07 pm
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marriedagain
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jastypes:

I will also be praying for you because there is a wonderous power in prayer.

We all struggle with motivation and procrastination and sometimes our worse enemy is ourselves. When I read your post I just smiled because you are at a good place. You said, "I had just given up trying...." Your almost there...don't stop in the middle of the road...now slide over and let God take the wheel.

Could you also send up a prayer for me....thank you.

November 8, 2006
7:57 pm
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lolli
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jastypes,

go easy on yourself. please be open to the possibility that just because your dad apologized... it doesn't mean you have to be "over it."

sexual abuse is so devastating, and we all heal in our own time. just because someone said they are sorry doesn't undo the damage, and it doesn't speed up the timetable of your healing.

i dunno much about your situation, so please forgive me if i'm way off base. it's just that since i'm so deep in my own healing from sexual abuse, and i'm starting to realize how pervasive it really is... that's the part of your post that stood out for me.

it does seem like you are taking on a whole lot of responsibilities! can you give yourself a little break? i know these probs seem urgent and the tendency (i have it too!) is to do, do, do... but if you don't find relief then it's not sustainable. you know? the whole sprint vs. marathon thing.

...like maybe only work just one job? or stop worrying so much about others? I know they are your kids, so of course you are going to worry... but is there a way to protect your own sanity and give youreself some "ME" time in the process? i know money probs can be tough... i've been dealing with my own. something that has helped relieve a little bit of the pressure is that i transferred my credit card debt to lower interest cards. for some reason, i had a huge resistance to doing that (i guess i didn't want to face it), but now my monthly payments are 1/3 of what they were. maybe this doesn't apply to you... i don't know enough about your situation, but i'm just saying that anything you can do to relieve the pressure and take care of yourself (even if you've been resistant to it in the past) is a good thing:)

finally (sorry for the long post!) have you considered that maybe all these responsibilities/worries are a way of distracting yourself from the painful realization that your dad's apology didn't magically erase the pain of what he did?

i hope that's not too harsh... but i guess i can imagine if my abusers apologized... i would be glad, but still kind of mad in a way... because then it would be harder to "blame" them. does any of this make sense? maybe it's just my own issue... if so, sorry to clog up your thread with it! i am genuinely trying to help, and since no one else brought this up, i thought i would.

all good things, jas. still sending good thoughts your way.

(((jas)))

November 9, 2006
9:41 am
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jastypes
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I don't know about the "dad" thing. I don't want to think about it.

I totally get the move over and let God drive thing. LOL.

Finally, the message I heard at church last night must have been written with me in mind. It was about balance in life. Wow. I think I'm gonna write a book. I cried so hard last night during worship -- something I haven't done in a while. God's working. Thank you for your prayers.

Saying one for each of you too.

November 9, 2006
10:32 am
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readyforachange
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(((jastypes))) I think you are doing an awesome job considering everything you have going on! Hang in there honey...one step at a time...I'm at work. I'll post more later.

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