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I wish...
April 8, 2003
5:49 pm
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Anonymous
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I have been involved with a married guy-no sex, just meeting him when his wife was out of town, a chat, a coffee, then a hug and quick kiss on parting. I developed a depency of him. I feel I can't live without him. We still meet for chat & coffee, we hug, no more kisses. He seems as keen on meeting as me. I'm married too. I love my husband, but I long stopped being in love with him. I wish I was. I miss it. I've only just faced this. I don't want to leave him. But I despair at the lack of passion in my life. We don't have sex anymore. I don't miss him when he's away. I don't love the other guy. I just feel dependant on him, it's not sexual. I sense he feels something similar, but not so strong. He absolutely adores his wife, but still wants to meet me. What's going on? What's happening to me?

April 8, 2003
6:52 pm
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u wish... u can put them both in one guy huh?? if only we could.

April 9, 2003
12:53 pm
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Careful sweetheart. I hear you I really do, but don't let yourself become dependent on this guy. The neatest person in the world is you -- you are all you need, you have everything right there inside you.
If you're not happy in your marriage, then make whatever decision will make you happy. But try not to become dependent on this new guy -- especially if he says he adores his wife and is still willing to do this to her. How would he treat you any different?

I know it's not easy -- I really really understand believe me. But look out for yourself first, ok? You matter!

April 9, 2003
1:25 pm
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SFB,

I've read your threads, so I know you understand. I'm already dependant. You ask how can he do this to his wife as if he is doing something wrong. I don't think that he believes he is doing anything wrong - there is no sexual involvement, no kissing. We are just good friends. It's me that has a problem. I envy what he has with his wife. I wish I could feel the same about my husband. I'm not a clingy person usually, so I don't know why I feel so dependant on him. It's scary. I'm not strong like you. I don't have the strength inside to fulfill my needs-whatever they are. I don't have the courage to talk to my husband about how I feel. Instead, I carry on. But it feels like a weight around my neck. Sometimes, I wish he would find someone else and dump me.

April 9, 2003
2:13 pm
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Does your guy friend's wife know that you and he meet for coffee while she is out of town? Does she know who you are? If either of these questions is no, then to a certain extent it is cheating. Be careful, if someone sees you and tells your husband, it can destroy your marriage. This man might portray what you are missing in your marriage, give your husband a chance. Make a move and try to make things better in your marriage. Thats good that you realize what is missing in your marriage, all you have to do is work on how to get it back in your life. Be careful with the other guy and good luck with your husband.

April 9, 2003
2:18 pm
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Oh Wallace, I'm not strong when it comes to this. I don't have the courage to talk to my husband either. I do apologize for my misunderstanding as for this guy's motives. I didn't understand at first.

Have you read elliot's (John's) thread? Especially today? He and I have been having this dialog, and I was telling him how I think sometimes someone comes along that opens our eyes as to what is missing in our lives, our marriages, whatever. You've probably likened my situation to when you're sitting reading and don't realize the sun is setting and the light is fading until someone walks into the room and turns a light on for you.

Perhaps this man has opened your eyes as to what you need in a relationship, what needs are currently unfulfilled in your marriage? At any rate, I sympathize with the heartache that accompanies what you're going thru. It's even harder to act as tho you're just fine, huh? I'm feeling good today, I am sending you some strength!! šŸ™‚

April 9, 2003
2:19 pm
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I meant, you've probably read where I likened my situation to....

Thinking faster than I can type! šŸ™‚

April 9, 2003
4:05 pm
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SFB~

You are on a roll today. This is good reading. You sound really strong today. You must be in a good place right now!!

Tracy

April 11, 2003
7:09 pm
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Hello wallace this is how my marriage started to fail, do you love your husband, I can tell you that this other guy would not be talking to you if he did not want something from you.

My wife always told me that she was just friends, and then when I found out that there was a lot of talk about the two of them, and that one day I questinoed her about him, I said the thing that I wish I had never had said and that was "i don't know" which made her feel that I did not trust her any more, and it was the end of your marriage.

If you love your Husband stop seeing and talking to this man, as it will cause both of you great pain and heart break.

Please try to work out what ever you and your husband have a problems with because thats why you married him, I belive that there is no limit on chances in a marriage, so give your husband a chance.

I hope this give you some insight as to how this may hurt your husband, if he finds out through the grape vine, it is very paineful.

No one should be in that much pain,I was and I am still in pain.

God bless

John

April 11, 2003
8:29 pm
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Hi Wallace,

I know how it feels to be pulled toward something like a magnet. It feels good and you think you need it. He can become everything to you and consume your thoughts even when you are with your husband. That can become dangerous.

I also know what it feels like to be in a relationship that is negatively polarized, and I am the person who is pushed away. That hurts. Either way I feel I have been there in both places.

No matter what you have to do what makes you feel good as a valid person, but you must be mindful of the potential consequences. These consequences will likely be bigger than you, and bigger than him. This consequences will affect others.

Look into your relationship with him and see if it is worth that, and if it is, dialouge with him your feelings. He may be frightened or he may embrace the ideal, but it will definetly tell you where he is in relation to you.

Be Blessed for this day!

April 12, 2003
8:48 am
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Very very good words above, 2sad!

You hit the nail on the head...I agree.

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