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I wish I knew of a site.....
November 7, 2004
12:05 pm
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brendalee
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that shows clear, physical, biological, neurological evidence of what childhood trauma and/or sexual abuse ACTUALLY DOES to the brain...that way - I could at least try to get my head around it....afterall, we wouldn't expect someone who is in a leg cast to be able to the the splits....we wouldn't say - oh, they are just lazy - or are being negative now would we????? Any insight?

November 7, 2004
4:28 pm
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on my way
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Hi brendalee,
I think this kind of abuse may do more spritual damage than neurological, physical, biological. The neurological, physical and mental can be seen by a professional and is tangible so to speak. The damage is done inside because of the shame, the hurt, the guilt, feeling out of control, the abuse, loss of trust for those who were supposed to take care of you...all of these things effect your trust, your ability to have self-worth, the ability to realize you are worth so much more. IF you can't get around these, THEN there may be physical symptoms of depression...it just depends on how you react, how much help yo have gotten and how much healing you have experienced. "YOUR HEAD" may not ever understand the WHY of it, so to sit and try tofigure out how someone could do this to you, or to figure out how you feel without professional help or help from a freind, may seem like a neverending cycle of tape playing in your head. I have known people who were sexually abused and survived and are leading normal lives at this time. One favorite public figure is Joyce Meyer. She was horribly abused as a child, her website is JoyceMeyer.org. Listen to some of her radio broadcasts. She is a Christian. It iwll be possible for you to do the splits...your way. I hope this helps! Just my ideas.

November 7, 2004
5:23 pm
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struggling
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Funny you mentioned Joyce Meyer I was just thinking of her and her horrible childhood. I reently have been searching the net to find any other female surivors who were molested by their mothers. So far I have found only one mention, with no survivor story. (sigh) If I don't find someone else soon I'm going to realize I am a freak.

November 7, 2004
5:30 pm
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on my way
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You aren't a freak, even though you may feel like one, you aren't a freak ok? Getting over the past of sexual abuse is possible, getting over ANYTHING is possible. I really like Joyce Meyer,just finished her book "How to Succeed at Being Yourself"... it helped me alot. Pleae hang in, don't give up. You are worth so much.

November 7, 2004
5:59 pm
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I was raped/molested from 6-13, a family friend... In my home life, I was slapped around alot, called horrid, undeserved names (until I got big enought that they couldn't do it anymore), and watched my parents fight constantly and have affairs on each other... I've recently come to understand that I was exposed to an unusal type of abuse within the family, where nothing physical EVER happened, but it regards sexual things that were said to me... (I will write more when I understand more on that..)

But the point of all of this is, I'm healthy now, I got through it, I'm not an addict (never was), or have self-destructive behaviors anymore... It can be done...You can too... While there are distinct similarities of behaviors in all types of abused people, it really all boils down to the individual and their particular set of circumstances and/or coping skills...

Sorry if that's too clinical, but it's the best way to answer that question...There is no physical result of "abuse" on the brain, unless you had a physical brain injury of some sort that causes a personality dysfunction... In other words, it's your will and choices you make with your adult brain on dealing with this that count...

November 7, 2004
6:06 pm
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I left out that while there is usually not physical result of "abuse" to the brain, the emotional side is another story.. Certain behaviors develop corresponding to certain types of abuse, so again, it's not a biological factor necessarily ( unless you want to start getting into hereditary pre-dispositions, like schizoprhenia or bi-polar disorders), but really boisl down to individuals as to which behaviors will develop...

November 7, 2004
6:14 pm
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By the way, it also means that since it's up to you really, it's not a hopeless situation of repeating the patterns... They can be broken, you just have to get the right help, and want to change badly enough... It's not about being lazy at all, it's about fear of the unknown.. If all you've known is dysfunction all of your life, "healthy" would be scary as hell!! And it only happens when the person is realy ready for it to happen....

November 7, 2004
6:15 pm
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Shoudl I shut up now?

😉

November 7, 2004
8:48 pm
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sewunique
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Level 7 thanks for ALL of your input(s) 😉

So you give me hope that someday I can recover, or cope well with this codependency stuff?

I have unraveled most of the mysteries of what has happened in my childhood and why. Now it is trying to learn to undo the engrams (is that the correct term?) and to start telling myself positive things. I know it will be hard to learn the correct asertive techniques as well

Enjoyed your repeated responses!!!

November 7, 2004
10:10 pm
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sewunique
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Struggling,

Hi lady, how are you doing? You have been on my mind today. I am so glad your boyfriend is there for you. It is so hard to first utter those words to someone; like finally letting the secret out. I commend you for getting through it.

Been surfing the Net looking for some stuff for you.

I know if you are looking for celebs, that Roseanne and Oprah both have publically announced their childhood abuses.

I went on to AOL (Goggle) and typed the search for: Childhood Sexual Abuse+Oprah Winfrey, and there is a lot of stuff you might like to look at.

I also typed in: Child sexual abuse of female predators. There is just a ton of stuff there.

Other key words I used gave me a bunch of junk. Have you tried any of the actual support sites/organzations for abuse of children yet?

Good luck with your search, please let us know how it's going and what you've found.

Hang in there! Hugs and prayers for you,

Sew

November 7, 2004
11:27 pm
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Struggling,

Hey also, you're not a freak but consider that female predators are just rarer ( and less reported) than male predators.. That's just about the numbers is all..

November 7, 2004
11:31 pm
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Sew,

And absolutely you can recover and cope if you really really want it... And get the right advice, help and support with it... Hopefully, this board is helping!

🙂

November 7, 2004
11:52 pm
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sewunique
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Thanks, Level 7

I certainly enjoy readings your posts.
You have a kindness that speaks through your words.

This week i hope I can gain some information and get going with recovery!!!!!!!!!!!!

I found a CoDA (?) codependent group that meets here in Delray and one in Ft. Lauderdale. Think I will try Ft L as I do not wish to meet anyone I know or might meet later professionally, or otherwise.

Any tips to get started or to make the way easier? How did you do it? How long did it take you?

I think I am quite a bit older than most on this site, so I want to get going and get some living in before old and grey.

Sounds selfish,huh?

Thanks,
Sew

PS: let it be said, a bit older, not old, ever! hee hee

November 7, 2004
11:55 pm
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sewunique
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that "ever" was meant to be: never

November 8, 2004
2:17 pm
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struggling
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Hello Level 7,
I didn't think about the key word Female predators. I'm going to read and read until I get the information I need to get well. As you see I told my BF and it went fine. Though I think he's disgusted with my mother.

November 8, 2004
2:28 pm
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Anonymous
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If you are interested in how abuse impacts the developing brain, begin to study Reactive Attachment Disorder.

Now, don't take all that's said at face value. Research demonstrates we use about 10% of our brain. That leaves 90% of free space for working through and around such things.

Your brain can and will heal.

I'm happy to offer more information if anyone is interested...

Ren'ai

November 9, 2004
2:12 am
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Sew,

Thank you for that (kindness comment). I hope so... And I've never been to any Coda meetings or read any codep books or anything like thay.. I have a counselor, but on the subject of codependency, abuse, etc., honestly, and this will sound dumb, I just sorta snapped out of it... I just like, had this weird epiphany one day were my life made sense..I absoultely cannot explain it, other than to say, that I guess I was really ready and done with all drama and pain.. Ready to take myself seriously, so I just did... Like overnight, just made the choice.. I made a commitment never to fail myself anymore... That and suddenly discovering God (higher power, spirit, whatever, I'm not religious) all combined to make me one complete person... The is no way I can ever go back to any of my former behaviors, it would feel weird.. I guess the best way to describe it is that I am for once in my life utterly and completely connected to all of my feelings and capable of honesty with and control over myself.. Because if you can't be honest with yourself (and God), who can you be honest with?

I do have to say though, that reading posts on this board kicked all of that in to a higher gear, as far as not going back to codependency, or having very little tolerance for it... So this has been great with everyone.. I'm glad if I;ve helped and I'm glad you've helped me..

🙂

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