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I went down to the sea today
May 27, 2002
9:23 am
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nikka
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Good morning. I've come back today and hung a silken hammock, woven by spiders and silk worms and the elves have hung stars in the sky and Mother has taken the shape of the silvered full moon and tells me I must invite you all to share the sand and the foam and the gentle murmur of the surf.

For we require healing and gentle touches and light kisses for in these bodies is much pain which must be assuaged. Choose each other and find healing for hearts and minds and bodies. Then we shall go forth, shoulder to shoulder, powered by our love and change the world.

Come hold me sister, scherza, let's light candles against the darkness in our hearts, so that they might become the light of this world. *smile* Then play your cello while we all dance here on the sand.

Hammock's waiting.

May 27, 2002
9:54 am
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damaged
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I would love to swing in the hammock, but this talk about gental touches and light kisses I better just play in the sand by myself and build sand castle and wait for the full moom.

Robert Horey is a basketball star that plays for the Lakers and use to play for the world champion team the Rockets in Houston and he is FINE. He has the best smile a person can have.

May 27, 2002
11:16 am
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nikka
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Sorry, if I got a little over the top, damaged, just come play in the sand and sing and dance. GI Jane has decided that gentle is the only way to touch anything. I have laid down my M-16 and will forthwith give it to the blacksmith to beat into a plowshare, or a staff. 😉

May 27, 2002
11:57 am
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scherza
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I am with you, Nikka....

May 27, 2002
12:27 pm
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nikka
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NO -- I cannot let myself pass. Gotta call me on my own silliness here. damaged, I love you. I am not over the top. Gentle touches and soft kisses are the way. I know that I have to meet others where they are, but I must meet Nikka where I am. I am convinced, not in my mind (just another material manifestation) or in my body (just another material manifestation, eternally changing like a kaleidoscope.) But in my soul.

Sure, it can be read sexually, but it isn't sexual. It is the answer for us all through Mother's grace. It is the Truth of Gandhi, Jesus, Buddha and St Claire, the Truth of Mirabai and St. Hildegard von Bingen of Theresa d'Avila and her namesake in Calcutta, St. Theresa of Mother's Heart.

I understand that we all experience, through Mother's grace, life differently. I understand that we are composed, nay, cosmos is composed of Sattva (light, undersatanding, gentleness,)Rajas (fire, passion, anger, battle,) and Tamas (darkness, laziness and ignorance -- inertia.) So be it and Blessed be it.

But I am not special. If anyone is willing to apply themselves to the increase of Sattva then they too will find gentleness and soft kisses to be for the soul, not the sexual body. On this I stand, I cab do no other. -- There's a quote from precious Luther, Blondie.

There world is full of pain and some cannot see the light for the pain, cannot see the gentleness for their stubborn refusal to see themselves as anything but matter and engines to accunulate more. Hence, pain and the infliction of more pain as a means to try and stop their own pain. HEY, bothers and sisters, arise awake --get to know the spirit, the soul, your true Self which is Mother and give yourselves in love to one another.

There's your answer to DV, all. Yes, its tough and it can be heart-rending. So's warfare and where do I hear a cry for those who are snarled each day in a pitiful warfare between ephemeral kingdoms and powers and principalities. Longing just to be the quickest on the draw and fire to kill and maim before being killed and maimed. Know ye not that Mother has killed us all, even before our births? That She has maimed us and birthed us and loved and caressed us, all in the effort to bring us to see that we are not separate creatures, that we are one another and that our pain is from Tamas -- ignorance and inertia, solid matter. We are spirit and the full images of our Mother.

Yes, I will touch each of you gently and will kiss you softly, on the lips, the hands, the shoulders and necks. I will weep with you when you cannot go another step in strength, fall down wailing in weakness. I will do this because you are me and can follow the pathway. I am not extraordinary. I have hurt and realize that it is my illusions that have hurt me, but not the illusion of peace and gentleness -- the one that says 'this stuff is all you are, Nikka. There is nothing else.' -- And I will use the light of Sattva to shine on Tamas and Rajas and its gentle glow will transform, gently, surely, with love and soft kisses and slow even breath, the darkness of Tamas and the fire of Rajas. We will all be One whether we each know that now or not. I will lie down with each of you in hammocks made of spider silk in a grove of mulberry trees on a beach in NJ and we will dance and sing and kiss and caress and hang the stars and worship the silvered full moon -- FOR WE ARE THE CHILDREN OF OUR MOTHER.

Namaste.

I am with you, scherza, now and forever and w/ you all. If his be delusion and madness, I am fullopen to it. Come madness, come storm, fill me to overflowing and allow this Light and Love to flow out of me and through me and to drench the All with its sweet and gentle power and to bring the Peace that passes all underatnding in the Oneness of us all.

Blessed Be, Mother. O<

May 27, 2002
5:24 pm
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scherza
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Very well said, Nikka.... You are such a gem.... My love and positive energy to you...and everyone that reads this....

May 27, 2002
6:09 pm
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damaged
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Hola Nikka

Just for me I need to say this nikka, I didn't think anything you wrote was said to be sexual. I just need to play in the sand by myself because I might have taken it sexual, yes my problem!! So yes I do miss out on the gental touches and soft kisses of live sometimes, and maybe that is why I have such a damn hard heart sometimes, gota build them walls. I will be honest here with ya I love some of the things you say and some of it I don't have a clue what you just said. Maybe I just don't have a creative mind or something, maybe I don't read enough.

May 27, 2002
8:32 pm
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nikka
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Maybe, dear sister, your heart is strengthened with walls. And I am not stupid, I am not sheltered. Yes, I have been to college a few times. Big deal. That and $2.50 gets me what... a cuppa coffee? -- It's the heart, damaged, and you have such a tender one under those walls. It shows. Really. -- I spoz what I am saying is: I don't care if it was sexual. That's fine if it's what's in someone's heart. I don't mind meeting folks where they are, I do that at work daily. But, doggoneit, they have to meet me where I am too.

On another thread Blondie quoted the quote about evil flourishing when the good do nothing. Indeed, but the evil is in the human heart and can only be weeded from my heart by me, or your heart by you. It isn't a violent ptocess because violence only makes baby-violence that grows into adult violence. -- I say bluebells, cockleshells and pretty maids all in a row is healthier. If I murder the abuser, am I not a murderer? If I beat him/her down, am I not a beater myself? -- It is only through the light that we come to the light, darkness will not bring us light, emptiness will not bring us fullness.

O, sister, O damaged, you are always near my heart. You are so 'earthy' in-touch I think with just what is. And your heart can be pure. Well, it is, it's just walled up right now. Goddess, another rock&roll lyric: "Tear down the wall. Tear down the wall." 😉 love you, gf. Thanks for your gentle touch toward me. You are soooo wonderful.
Namaste

May 28, 2002
12:36 am
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time4change
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so Nikka in my language how do you explain to me how to tear down the walls. I do think to a point the wall are coming down, but only do a degree and only with certain people. Also explain to me what you mean about how someones heart my become strengthened by walls?

May 28, 2002
9:00 am
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nikka
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We find pain in our dealings w/ others. We give and feel we don't receive. Each time this occurs, I think, we add a brick to a wall around our heart -- to protect it from pain.

We try to keep out love to ourselves. Other folks'll just step on it or spit on it and hurt us. -- But the wall is a dam and holds back the water of love w/in us -- a large lake inside our hearts. The wall keeps us from who we are and we think it protects us, keeps us away from pain. -- The only way to let the stream of our love do what it's meant to do is to take apart the dam -- let the stream roam free and find our natural self. -- I know. this isn't your words.

Life is a risk, a bet. You've discovered life is still there w/out drinking. -- Love is still there w/out your built-up protective shields. You may risk taking down your shields. You may risk rejection, but rejection is only in our own eyes. The stream within will soothe us, care for us. It doesn't seem natural to us, until we get used to just opening to life, just as it is. Not to our desire -- for money, a life-mate, for people to be what we want them to be. But just to see what is there, with open eyes and open hearts. And it's wierd, but after awhile I see that the pain is of my own making, when i refuse to accept that things just are what they are -- not what I would wish them to be.

Ask me more questions, eventually I'll make sense.
Namaste, damaged

May 28, 2002
9:15 am
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damaged
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nikka you made good sense to me and thank you!!! actully you painted the picture pretty damn good to were this hard brain could see it. I think I have been putting bricks around my heart since I was three and yes there is probably a good size lake in there. I am strating to see were the steam is starting to get out some, I am learning it is ok to love something are someone. Sometimes my verson of love is kind of fucked up but I am getting it. Im not spending as much time in the sand alone!!!

May 28, 2002
11:36 am
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nikka
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Blondie,!!!!!!!
Goddess, you are so much you. You are probably Emma Goldman in a new body. A bomb-thrower. Now my real question is, why do I love you so much!!!! Namaste.

Damaged/t4c, I would suggest a hammer, chisel and carefulness to remove the wall. Just like you are doing now. If the wall of water comes down the valley at once, like whem Ms Blonde Bombshell starts lighting fuses on 50 lbs of tnt, etc... The flood may sweep all away -- like one of those canyon flashfloods. Slow and easy. Btw, your love is never f***ed-up. Practice and it is perfect.
Namaste

May 28, 2002
12:12 pm
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Molly
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Morning girls, T4c--- regarding that wall, I like the visual of a crack in it, you know where some of the morter has fallen away, just so that a crack of light can shine in, the light feels so good, and strong, that it pushes its way through, light beams are strong, and in that light is the love that you so want to feel, that the walls stregnth gives way, as the walls crumble the energy of the light entensifies, and walah---- there ya go. I ate to much this weekend. Oh what a game, or two or three, hope you all had a good one as well. What a moon, no ?????

May 28, 2002
12:13 pm
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scherza
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The moon was FABULOUS!!!!

May 28, 2002
1:41 pm
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nikka
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The Moon was Scherza, beside me in the hammock taking my breath away.

May 28, 2002
5:57 pm
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damaged
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all that sounds like a picture Molly, but a very beautiful pic at that. I kind of like the dynamite that Blondie has to throw me, however that would be the easy way I think, no work involved in getting the damn wall down. But then again I have tryed to do everything the easy way and ended up doing it the hard way anyway. Yes the moon was AWSOME!!!

Nikka please put down MY dynamite!!!Blondie threw me. OK

May 28, 2002
10:00 pm
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nikka
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Yeah, Blondie, I didn't wanna insult you and I figured that Emma would appeal to you. -- Ever hear of Dorothy Day and the Catholic Worker. Mother Theresa before Mother Theresa. But that wouldn't fit you, not the skinny nun type of individual, I think. 😉

If'n ya want the TNT, damaged, get it. I ain't holdin' that stuff. -- Lots of good insight in your comments about 'easy eays and the hard way anyhow.' -- At the risk of bringing the argument to life again -- lots more there, for me, than in the stats. And I suppose that, for me, you, nor any of the others I meet here, are stats. You are people w/ hearts and minds and stories to tell. For me that's the beauty part (old southern expression.) And work. You know that, don't you? The work to stay sober, to try not to tear down your life before you can get it built. I admire that. I tell my clients this and shall tell you as well. You are my hero. Anyone who is willing, even for a little while, to pick up a shovel and pick and start the hard work of clearing the ground in their heart and mind is my hero. Same as ole Mohandas, my first love.

People will sometimes say, "But didn't Gandhi die?" 'No, I say, he's alive today right here in my heart (& in Ben Kingsley's acting.)' And I find that true of my heroes. They have, at least a little the hearts of a lion like Gandhi. That's the way the world gets better. I know this. One heart at a time.

Namaste.

June 16, 2002
4:35 pm
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nikka
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Namaste.
And today went down there again. Saw the endless rolling waves. Picked up some small white sea-smoothed stones (they just had to be glaringly white -- will try to drill tiny tunnels through them for a silver chain and thread them,) and some sea-twisted pieces of shell for earrings or necklaces -- maybe use stones for bracelets. I watched the sea crash bowl over my babies and got all wet dashing like mad to grab one or both before the undertow dragged them all the way to Blondie! Watched the seagulls skim the waves tops and the boats plying in and out of harbor and up and down the coast. Watched as a seagull munched out on a stone dead horseshoe crab. And I pondered how each rolling waves arrives and recedes from the shore -- how like them we are, failing to recognize, so often, that we are sea, not separate wave.

Perhaps now that they are dry the stones won't appear as brilliant a white, the twists in the shell pieces not be as attractive as by the sea. But the sea remains and I savor her. She brings me back to the peace that never really goes away. The peace I simply forget, occasionally (getting to be a better recaller.) I shall make the jewelry anyway. It will please me, and the silver chains will ring and the stones will strike the silver bangles as the mallet strikes the bell. Each strike...recalls me to home...to the sea.

Namaste.

June 16, 2002
5:41 pm
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damaged
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nikka sounds great, put a stone on the silver chain for me. Rolling waves, Wish I was there! Hot and dry here but after the rain comes and the fires are all a rest just think how beauitful the new seedlings and growth will be with the rain and the sun.

June 17, 2002
8:31 pm
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nikka
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There's always a stone on the silver chain for you, damaged.

Thanks for the vision, blondie.

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