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I wanted to open the door - HELP!
January 1, 2006
11:05 am
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snowleopard
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Some of you may know my ex split with me in August. It was horrible,hurtful and an experience I never want to have again.

I have not contacted him since Sept. He was contacting me up until mid Oct. I stopped taking his calls, changed my numbers. He knocked on my door - drunk - at 4am at the beginning of December. I ignored it. He phoned me in work the week before Christmas. He wanted to know how I was. I said I was fine. He kept repeating that he wanted to know how I was. So I repeated "I'm fine". His tone changed and he said "I know you'll be fine" (anger). He asked if it was ok for him to ring me in work as he'd had trouble getting through to me at my house. (Didn't take the hint did he - I've changed my number idiot - so you and your manipulative, vindictive, nasty ways can't get to me anymore). I said I didn't think it was a good idea for him to phone me in work - thanks bye.

It did upset me to hear from him. I spent four years with him and we went through alot together - good and absolutely s**t.

Anyway, last night I made a huge effort to take my children out to celebrate New Year's Eve - we went to the local Christmas Ice Rink, ate hot dogs, hot doghnuts, candy floss, drank wine (me - not the kids!) and had a nice time. Midnight came and wished my kids happy new year but felt really alone. Could have cried.

Went home, went to bed. Got woken this morning at 7.45am by that familiar knock on the door. It was him again. I felt anxious (a bit scared if I'm honest). But worse still - a part of me wanted to open the door. I've done so well in not wanting to be anywhere near him. Not wanting anything to do with him. And yet, I felt like I wanted to say "hi, what's the matter?"

S**t, 2006 was my new start. I want him to leave me alone. I want to feel comfortable anywhere I go that I won't bump into him. I want to move on - but he's got to let me do that. It's not fair. I feel so low again and I haven't done anything wrong.

Snowleopard

January 1, 2006
11:13 am
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Anonymous
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I will assume you did NOT open the door.

And thank god the kids didn't either!

Good for you.

It is hard - no contact is especially hard when they keep trying to stay in contact - it takes alot of guts to make him "stay gone"....in fact, I think there is a country song called "stay gone".

You didn't do anything wrong - and chances are - he was knocking for the wrong reasons. Why start the new year out like that?...no reasonable person wakes you at 7:45 after a holiday night.

They say time heals all - and I think that it is true - in time - thinking of him won't be so painful - either will bumping into him or having him call.

January 1, 2006
11:30 am
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Anonymous
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Snowleopard, I know exactly how you feel. I've been apart from my exbf since July, and he's pulled the same kind of stunts on me as yours is doing to you. I still care about him, so it tugs at my heartstrings everytime! But I am DETERMINED to continue forward. I have too much to look forward to! Too much life to live!

I no longer want to be held back by someone who doesn't have their act together, doesn't know what they want out of life, doesn't want to work on himself and his issues. Life is too short to stay on the gerbil wheel!

You are doing GREAT, snow!!! Sounds like you are standing firm. Remember that HE made his own bed, so let him lie in it! He is the one who is allowing his life to spiral out of control, making bad choices, and being self-destructive. I told my ex I loved him, but was NOT gonna stand by any longer and watch him destroy himself and take me down with him! I, like you, have more than myself to think about. (I have 3 boys and they need a stable mom they can count on). They are my priority!

Sooooo, cut him loose! Stand firm! You are doing the right thing! If he had "changed", he wouldn't need any "liquid courage" before he approaches you. He would sack up and admit that he doesn't want to lose you, then DO something about it by working on himself! You don't need him holding you back. Keep your eyes fixed on where you are headed, and YOU WILL GET THERE! Come on, we'll do it together!!!

Happy New Year!

Love, plz~

January 1, 2006
11:34 am
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snowleopard
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Thanks Alicat.

No I didn't open the door. My daughter heard him knock but stayed in bed. My son can sleep through anything! Am looking after my sister's dog and even he had the sense to keep quiet!!

You're right he was knocking for the wrong reasons. I just don't understand what he expects to get from this. Is it that he knows I CAN move on without him. I always told him that if he was unfaithful I wouldn't care whether it was one month into a relationship or ten years - I would walk away. He ended our relationship but kept coming back until he phoned a woman up in front of me and I heard their conversation. I've kept walking ever since. He knows I can do this.

If I'm completely honest the reason I don't want to bump into him is that I'm a bit scared to. Not because of my reaction because I am getting stronger - but because he is so unpredictable (alcoholic). I don't know what he would say or do. My counsellor told me (before I changed my phone no.) that it wasn't a good idea to change them at the time because at least we knew what we were dealing with. ie. phone calls - no visits to my house. Now he's contacting me again - he can't phone me at home - so the chances are he'll keep coming to my house. I want to feel comfortable in my own home. I want to go to bed at night and not have to worry about being woken by "that knock". I just want it all to go away.

January 1, 2006
11:40 am
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snowleopard
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Plz - thanks so much - Happy New Year to you too.

That was a great response. I think I'm going to print it and stick it on my fridge!!!

Snowleopard

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