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I want to be thankful..but I am not! I want to feel happiness..and I never do...Soulsister
May 18, 2007
10:28 am
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Soulsister
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B is off to prison. I miss him so much. I know he will never be there for me or his son.

I opened myself to love again..only to find the same disappointment in M25. He did not come home. I guess I get what I expect. I get what I feel I deserve. I am not thankful..I don't care anymore. I should not have trusted again. I will not make that mistake again.

Soulsister

May 18, 2007
11:51 am
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(((((((Soulsister)))))))))

I'm sorry you are feeling so sad. I haven't kept up with your story... but I thought that things were going well with M25? The last I read, he was helping around the house, fixing your car, being a wonderful partner, etc...

Besides this "not coming home" incident... has he given you any other reasons not to trust him?

Wondering if you are not projecting past hurt and betrayal onto him when he doesn't deserve it?? Ya know... like he's paying for SOMEONE ELSE's sins??

Like I said, I don't know cuz I haven't kept up with your story, just wondering.

TC

May 18, 2007
12:08 pm
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Soulsister
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TC...I'm sure you are right. That this has a ton to do with past hurt, but I don't wnat him to think I will accept it.

He did this another time. He didn't come home..and he told me he was really sorry, and didn't want to lose me.

He has since moved in..and had a new job close to my home. It wasn't what he expected..and they let him go because they knew he would not stay.

I paid for everything in San Fran for my 40th bday..thinking he would help me when we got back. That is when he lost his job. He has filled out apps at a lot of places, but hasn't gotten any work yet.

He drives my car that he fixed. (no license) I want to sell it. He drove it to his friends house...and never came home. I haven't heard from him since.

I just don't want to do this again.

Soul

May 18, 2007
1:31 pm
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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Soul,

I realize you are hurting...and you have every right to.

The question is - what can you learn from this and change going forward?

You CAN see that you are able to be loved.

and under the RIGHT circumstances, you can love back.

But M25 isn't giving you the right circumstances.

He DID show promise...he did get a new job...he moved in...he was treating you well.

The question you need answered is - what went wrong?

Did he turn out to be the same guy in a different package or did your past hurts push him into behaving badly (not that I am excusing it).

There is NO excuse for him being without a job, for him not calling, for him taking your car and not returning at a decent hour.

If he has no license, what was he doing driving it in the first place? That's a HUGE liability for you.

Anyway, M25 may be a worthwhile guy. But if he is paying for the sins of all your other past loves...he is bound to push you away in return.

BUT - from being in your shoes once upon a time or two...I really think that M25 has a drinking problem that is just bubbling under the surface and he has been trying to hide it.

That's my theory anyway.

and he does love you...but can he "behave" enough to be a good partner long term is another question.

I wish I knew what to say to help with the hurt.

Have you put any more thought into counseling??? I think the only way to keep you from making these mistakes going forward is to get some professional help building your esteem and self worth and better guidance with picking men.

May 19, 2007
10:31 pm
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readyforachange
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Soulsister...I'm so sorry you are hurting. It seems you've learned some pretty tough lessons, and I know this has caused you a lot of pain and heartache. I think it's time for some change... I think you may be ready to choose a new path, and to find the happiness and peace you deserve. Those things can only come from within yourself, and that was the hardest lesson I ever had to learn. ((((soul)))) hang in there, okay?

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