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i told my bestfriend about therapy
September 2, 2005
1:27 am
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2careful
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September 27, 2010
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i didnt consider therapy until i noticed that things i used to shake off.. weren't shaking off. i wanted to talk about my co-dependency, my mild depression, my anxiety, everything I no felt i could just shake off.

my bestfriend tried to be supportive. but i still felt like she didnt understand. she said something like, "you think maybe its because you are letting it consume you and letting it all get to u?" maybe she was right, but it was as if she was saying that i didnt try to deal with this on my own.

therapy was never an option for me. and for her to say that made me feel like im taking the easy way out.

September 2, 2005
3:33 am
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Neshema
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September 24, 2010
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ya know to a lot of people, they think therapy is for everyone, or they throw out the suggestion without thinking twice. They don't stop to think the value implications others may place on it or how another person may perceive that response. They might not think that you may feel unheard. A good friend listens. Maybe timing was wrong, maybe you don't need therapy, or maybe you do and aren't ready to admit it, or maybe you will need it someday but not yet. In any case, it is your decision and judgment. Only you can decide. You need to feel supported, not judged. If, in fact, you are worse than you imply, then, maybe your friend felt helpless and scared. What really is going on? Is the problem you or her approach?

September 2, 2005
12:25 pm
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jamaicanwife
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September 29, 2010
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I have been depressed all my life, and your friend's response is pretty typical of the way most people tend to respond when I even suggest that I am not in control of my life. Only recently does my husband seem to get that I need a diferent kind of support other than a brisk, motivational "Oh, you just need to let it go/focus/relax/work harder".

I don't think they mean to be unkind, they just don't know how else to relate to you. I mean, the impression I get is that people give advice based on what works for them, so if being told to buck up or just relax works for them, they will give other people the same advice. Unfortunately, there are people like me and many others on this board who can't do that, not on their own, and only places like this and a counsellor or therapist will be able to give us advice that helps.

Maybe it shows a mild lack of compassion, but your friend probably meant well.

September 2, 2005
3:06 pm
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kathygy
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September 30, 2010
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Therapy is not the easy way out. Just the opposite. It requires a lot of hard work and self confrontation. You deserve credit for caring enough about yourself to want to feel better. It takes courage to face your pain and issues in therapy. Your friend may feel threatened by you going to therapy. she may be afraid that you will change and not want to be her friend anymore. At any rate she dosen't have a good understanding of what therapy is all about. Try not to give what she said any power. Trust yourself. Can you talk this through with her? I can understand that its much better when your best friend can support you in your growth and its a bit of a loss not to have that. Over time as she sees positive changes in you her opinion may change. If not you may need a new best friend. Someone who is as healthy as you are.

love,
kathy

September 2, 2005
8:08 pm
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CODA_Mom
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Hi 2careful,

Perhaps it was easier for you in the past to shake things off for various reasons. As time goes on and we grow older, our defenses tend to weaken due to an accumulation of stressors that start pressing in on us. That is why many folks have mental health crises for the first time during their 40s or 50s.

If you feel inclined to seek out a therapist, I would encourage you to do so. Therapy is actually a confrontation with yourself, allowing the "real" you to be exposed with unconditional acceptance from another. Friends sometimes mean well, but it is difficult for them to be objective because they are afraid of change in their relationship with us.

Regards,

CM

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