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I told him tonight.....
March 22, 2004
10:47 pm
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Freya
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.....of the plans I have for my future. Through tears and sniffles, I told him everything I thought he could digest in one phone call. I told him I was going back to my therapist I told him that I couldn't live with his addiction anymore and that I was affraid to talk to him for fear of his anger. I told him that I still loved him but I no longer liked him. I told him everything that has been stirring around in my head for the past year. At first he was defensive, then he got angry, then he got silent and distant then he got scared. That was the part I liked best because his fear said to me that he knew I was dead serious....and I was. Of course, I waited until he was gone away again to tell him all of this. I had planned to tell him on the weekend but I chickened out- didn't want to spend the weekend fighting. As cowardly as it was, I think it was easier on the phone- for both of us. He panics when he sees me cry and I cry at the drop of a hat. I cry when I hear bag pipes for god sakes. Highly emotional but nonetheless, I know how I want to feel and I am not liking who I am right now. YAY ME! I feel a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. Thank you for all of your writings and encouragement. You have inspired my to make my move. Freya.

March 22, 2004
10:55 pm
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Zinnie
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Glad to hear you are moving on Freya. I promise - it will get easier.

Love,

Zinnie

March 22, 2004
11:08 pm
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Freya
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You are truly an amazing person. With everything you have going on in your life, you stil l have time to encourage the rest of us. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. He did agree to come to therapy with me, whether or not he follows through is amother story. Thanks again. Freya.

March 22, 2004
11:16 pm
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Zinnie
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Ah Freya - making me blush...

Don't feel like you "chickened out" by doing this over the phone. Think of it this way - you knew what your reaction would be. You would cry, you knew he would react to it. You did what you did for self-preservation.

That aside, there is something to be said for having a life with little drama in it.

Z.

March 22, 2004
11:19 pm
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Freya
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Amen to that! Thanks again 😉 Freya.

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