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I thought I knew myself...
February 2, 2000
1:29 pm
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infaith
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September 27, 2010
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Dear Looking
I am REALLY happy to hear the tone change in your voice, you have great will girl and it will get you where you need to go!
Keep on track, it is not so important to figure out where things went wrong, or whether you were as productive as you thought you were, my guess is YES> I can tell from your words. I also feel that perhaps you took too much on, some things that were not necessarily your problems but you took them on to help others and did not get back what you felt you deserved, leaving you feeling exhausted, and probably resentful.
Hazza is so right when she says listen to your body, chronic fatigue could form within what you are now experiencing. We all have life energy that can become blocked from emotional illness and eventually form into a physical illness. I see depression with you but that is normal considering you are feeling exhausted, unappreciated and unloved. Do small things to life your depression before you try meds, such as sunlight, get a dose EVERY day, flowers, buy some for yourself as soon as the other ones begin to wither, connection- human connection is vital to bringing us out of ourselves and into the world, giving a little of yourself/your talents to others will bring you self esteem ( do not over do it ) and your small defeats do equal up and create burnout. Please do not look backwards, only look forwards, do not spend too much time in introspection, become extroverted, and your problems and defeats may be less painful in your eyes compared to others but everything is RELATIVE my dear. It is subjective and you are hurting. Please get a physical to rule out thryroid or hormone problems and a multivitamin, vitamin c, beta carotene and selenium will prevent illness and keep you pumping. St Johns wort is great for mild depression but can intefere with periods and cause abortions if you are pregnant ( hazzas info )
other than that, St Johns makes you sensitive to sunlight so wear a little sunscreen when taking in the rays.lol
God bless

February 3, 2000
8:28 am
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hazza
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September 24, 2010
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Hi Looking,
Another point that i didn't realise before, you are still quite young i think?
It is natural to change, to question your life at this age and maybe find that the things you used to want dont apply any more. This is growing up. The things i felt, wanted beleived at 18 were very different to those at 20 or 25. Do not worry that you are not the person you use to be, you are not meant to be the same, but you should be happy with who you are now. Only you can work out why you are not. Maybe you have more doubts about your boyfriends sexuality than you want to admit too, i don't think you sound that co-dependent to me if you only see each other rarely. how are you when you dont see him, do you relax?
Take care

February 3, 2000
9:46 pm
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looking for answers
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September 30, 2010
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When I don't see him...I'm fine. I miss him of course and I can't wait until we are married and I can be with him every day but I live my (modest) life.

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