Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

No permission to create posts
sp_TopicIcon
I thought I knew myself...
February 1, 2000
4:13 pm
Avatar
looking for answers
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

There was a time when I felt like I had it all. I felt balanced and in control. I knew what I wanted and I knew how to get it. I was able to maintain my drive, my motivation... Today, it's difficult to even get out of bed every morning. I still dream. I still know what I want ( or think I do) but I can't get there. My motivation lasts but a day or two and I'm back to seeking the comfort and safety of my bed. The only productivity that comes from me is at work...at home I'm a mess. Nothing gets done and I just keep finding excusses. I just wonder what has happened to me. I know I need some therapy, I have asked for help from everyone that I have ever trusted from the time that I can remember. Its been nine years since I firsted asked someone to get me into counseling. Never once has anyone come through for me. I know it sounds like I should get help for myself on my own but if I had been able to, I wouldn't be so troubled...

So, what do you think...

February 1, 2000
4:59 pm
Avatar
autumn
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I can completely understand your feeling of just wanting to lay in bed. Sometimes that is the only place I feel safe.

February 1, 2000
5:04 pm
Avatar
gst
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

sounds like a catch 22. If I understand correctly, you tried counseling, it didn't work; you talked to friends, it didn't work; you tried to rely on yourself, it didn't work.

Sorry I can't get a pattern going yet, but tell me if you ever have any medication prescribed when in counseling and how long did you go to sessions? Maybe that's a good place to start.

February 1, 2000
5:29 pm
Avatar
looking for answers
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

gst....
I've never been to counseling. I know I need it. I keep seeing obstacles and I can't face them. In many ways I feel like I should be able to resolve everything on my own. It seems to me that's exactly what I use to do, but for some reason I've lost that ability. Maybe I'm just scared...

It's alot more difficult than I thought it would be to type/write about what's happening to me. There is so much to say.

When I found this site I got excited at the possibility of finding some answers...I'm still looking.

February 1, 2000
6:16 pm
Avatar
infaith
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear Looking
it sounds as if you were a very driven person at one time and perhaps just burnt out. You may have encountered some severe trauma or pain in your life that created a fear cycle within you that stops you from moving forward for fear of losing more therefore you are in a stagnant state and feel somewhat safe there, but of course, it is a unrewarding state as the only true real rewards in life come from moving through fearlessly ALL challenges that come your way with a confidence in a higher self and in yourself. this will eventually come about as you no longer let life scare you but grab life by the tail and say "what the heck, I did it before I can face it again, not only can you not be defeated but you will be redeemed"
god bless...oh by the way, "been there, done that" this is the method I used, if there were lifes challenges/ problems we would never grow stronger and deeper in spirit and character. You can do it! I believe in you, as I believe in myself! God bless

February 1, 2000
7:06 pm
Avatar
looking for answers
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

infaith...
Thank you very much. As I read your post, tears began to well up. You understood and that felt good. What you said made sense...all except for the fact that I can not identify a "severe truama or pain". Perhaps, if I could identify what it is or was that happened to me, I could go on. But in all honesty I can't.

February 1, 2000
7:42 pm
Avatar
gst
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi looking,

Really bad state to be in. What bugs you the most about it right now?

February 1, 2000
8:53 pm
Avatar
looking for answers
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

gst....
The helplessness that I feel.

February 1, 2000
9:47 pm
Avatar
gst
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi looking,

I know how bad that can be but tell me, are you finding it more difficult to find a councilor to go to or to get yourself to go?

February 1, 2000
10:01 pm
Avatar
looking for answers
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

A little of both. I've initiated the process many times: making phone calls, contacting my health insurance, looking in the phone book, searching the web (as I did today), even talking to counselors over the phone.

(I can analyze myself to no end and convince myself to "go on" or that I'm really okay or most of the time I convince myself that I've found a solution...only to have it not last.)

I think that when I initiate the process I never complete it because I begin feeling better. I follow through with me "solution" for a couple of days but find myself feeling worse in the end.

This cycle of starting things and not finishing them is affecting every asect of my life.

February 1, 2000
10:33 pm
Avatar
infaith
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Looking, sorry I should of written more. I feel, like I, that you have lost meaning in your life. You may have been a very ambitious person and still are but for some reason you can not push through and finish your projects or ideas. I feel that there is a paralyzing fear within the completion of these projects because of perhaps losing something that you are gaining by being safe and not living. You really arent living right now and you do not necessarily need counselling.
You are bright, articulate and I know you can do this on your own with support. You are talking like a victim when you say no one has come through for you, but the most important person who should be "coming through for you" is yourself. If you dont do for yourself what you really need to do, I guarantee you no one else EVEr will. It is a catch 22 and a life rule. I have experienced this and know this to be 100% true.
You are NOT helpless nor are you at the mercy of others, you can not find your own strength (which is there) nor can you connect with your passion. For whatever reason ( it doesnt really matter what ) you have lost touch with what and who you really are, if you ever knew.
I get the feeling, as it was for me, that what you were doing was not really spiritually rewarding or meaningful, leaving you with an emptiness and a feeling of hopelessness. There is a reason you are on this planet and a plan for you. You are divine and special and possess such qualities that no one else on this planet can immitate or duplicate. Only YOU know what they are. I suggest you pray a little prayer at the beginning of the day such as " Dear God, I place myself and this day in your hands and know that you will be divinely guiding me throughout and giving me the strength to start and finish meaningful projects that bring me joy, peace and satisfaction. I surrender all my weakness to your strength and trust that you will give me the power and passion I need to begin to live my life again. God bless you. This was a special and personal message for you, I hope you take it to heart and put in the energy to rebuild your self and connect with your true self as you so deserve. I believe in you.

February 1, 2000
11:07 pm
Avatar
looking for answers
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you again infaith, your thoughtful words are reaching me.

There is so much more to my story. Perhaps there is more truth to my playing the role of the "victim" than I have admitted to myself.

February 1, 2000
11:12 pm
Avatar
looking for answers
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Is it really possible to be completely happy?

February 1, 2000
11:18 pm
Avatar
gst
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi looking,

When I felt like that, it was like I would write out a list of "things to do" but then have to write out another list of things to do in order to get me to do the "things to do".

Do you feel as though you might be too intimidated to seek out a counsilor? I know some people feel that way about Doctors in general.

February 1, 2000
11:26 pm
Avatar
looking for answers
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lately, I've found myself displaying characteristics that I don't want to posses. For example, I've become increasingly short with my co-workers. I'm moody and just plain angry. More so than I have ever been in my life. I feel lost. I feel helpless. Simple tasks have become monumental exertions. I'm unfocused, depressed, and conflicted.

February 1, 2000
11:30 pm
Avatar
looking for answers
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi gst,

I'm not sure that intimidated is the right word...whatelse do you think it could be?

February 2, 2000
1:52 am
Avatar
gst
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I can only tell you what I went through and it sounds very similar only not as advanced a stage yet.

It destroyed a soleful relationship, isolated me from friendships, brought my earnings from 70,000 to about 15,000 and almost took me out entirely, by my own hand.

So I admire you that you are asking questions, you are further ahead than I was.

The basics are to see an MD, and a Therapist if nothing is found, or if you think it's clear enough, see the therapist first.

The internet is a great source of information and easy to reasearch using key words. The other threads you will find will have useful conversations by others and good numbers to call if you're completely stuck.

Hang tough. There are great medications out now and getting better if you need them. My thinking is that the body nees certain things to function. Starve it and you won't be here any more. You need good food, a certain amount of water and many people need supplemental medications.

Good luck in finding what you need.

February 2, 2000
2:14 am
Avatar
looking for answers
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

gst
I appreciate all of your time in responding to my posts.

I have one question:

Why do you recommend that I see an MD first? "then a therapist if nothing is found"...

February 2, 2000
2:37 am
Avatar
gst
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi looking,

That was just how I approached it, that's all. In my case, it wasn't as clear because so many of the symptoms were similar to hyperthyroidism which took time to get under control. I didn't have the information you're getting.

Easier for me to accept a physcal problem than an emotional one which I knew nothing about. Also, it's easier for the therapist to rule out stuff.

I think you're a lot further ahead of me - I hope you'll continue your efforts. Sounds pretty bad.

February 2, 2000
5:35 am
Avatar
hazza
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi there Looking,
I have read your posts with interest, you sound very similar to me, i too find self motivation very difficult, some days im okay but others, such as yesterday all i want to do is crawl into my bed and sleep. Now i know that with me, yesterday was very bad because i have had PMS for the last few days, i took loads of B vitamins and feel much better.

I would agree with what others have been saying to you,
You are showing the first stages of Burnout, exhaustion, call it what you like i think you know what i mean. Do you feel that you just can't cope as well as you used to be able to?
You need to sit down and have a real good look at your life. In my case i found that there were many situations, many imposed on me by others that i really hated but i was denying the truth to myself. My body was just trying to let me know that i was not happy with the situation and that i had to face up to it (situations like hating my job, partners alcohol problems and so on)
It was not easy to face these issues because it meant change, which was the last thing i thought i could cope with at a time like that, but i did face them, because i got to the point where i was so unhappy and so exhausted that i found my familiar anxiety disorders taking over my life again, i am only now starting to recover.

But, i wish i had made the changes i needed to make sooner, i am so much happier now, I bet your instincts are telling you something that your head just doesn't want to acknowledge. The sooner you listen the better.

You need to become your own best friend, book up that appointment with the councellor, don't wait for other people to tell you to, please do it for you. Once you make yourself as important to you as other people are, things get easier, i know they did for me.

Try to listen to what your body is telling you now, may be you could work Part-time for a while, may be there is a hobby or an evening class you have always wished to persue, take it up now, i know its hard to get started but when you take a couple of positive steps doing something for you and YOUR soul, your body responds. You will be telling your body, "yes i understand that you are unhappy and tired, this is for you," whether it be taking up line dancing or going to a councellor or whatever.

Try to keep of the bed, even if you sit on the bead and read a good book. I read in a book somewhere " No- one ever got better by staring at a spot on the ceiling" It is very true.

I spent years hoping that someone else wound see how unhappy i was and lead me to change my life, but it doesn't happen. It is only now that i accept that if I want to recover from my challenges in life (such as Agoraphobia and anxiety disorder) I must do it myself, others can help you but only you can make the changes.

If it helps to discuss your situation here, then please let us know more about your life. This site, and the advice people gave me, really helped me see what was wrong in my life, it helped me beyond belief. I have a long way to go yet, but this time last year, i had an abusive relationship, i was very co-dep and much more. Now things are getting better, i know i will never take that kind of Cr*p again, because i took time out to look at my life and work out what the problem was. Now step by step i am trying to heal myself. I have joined organisations and help groups for my anxiety, i deal better with Panic Attacks that before, only because i decided to take my problems in my own hands and see what solutions there were.

I don't know what problems there are in your life that your body is trying to alert you to, they will probably be very different to mine. But, when you look at them face on, you will be able to find solutions and help whatever they are. You just need to work out what or who or where the dissatisfaction is coming from first.

Please keep us updated, because we do care and we have all been there in or own individual way.
Peace
Hazza

February 2, 2000
10:07 am
Avatar
Brittainy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Looking, maybe the first step is to see your doctor who may prescribe anti-despressants, but, maybe thats not the answer. Find a therapist who you can relate to and who you trust. Please live in hope, things will get better with time. God bless. Keep in touch.

February 2, 2000
11:15 am
Avatar
looking for answers
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

good morning all!

I am so thankful for all of your responses. I usually sleep/lay in bed through two hours of "snoozing," but not today. I could hardly wait to log on. I see how this site is going to help.

February 2, 2000
11:32 am
Avatar
looking for answers
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hazza,

Your post has so many good points that I will have to reread inorder to absorb them all.

🙂 First, does vitamin B really work on PMS? It seems to me that I spend most of my life PMSing...

Next, when you say to "take a really good look" at my life...I honestly thought I do/did that. Perhaps, I'm doing something wrong...Perhaps, I have been doing just fine at looking at my life, but find it difficult to sort through what I discover. DOes this make sense.

A few people have mentioned that I may be feeling burnt out or exhausted, but I wonder if that can be true since its been so long since I've felt normal.

I have this image of myself; of the person that I was once. Is it possible that I have deceived myself and I never was this person?

I causes me great pain now to think that I may never be as productive, intelligent, driven, kind, healthy...as I was.

February 2, 2000
11:36 am
Avatar
looking for answers
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Infaith,

I have thought about your first post more, and I have decided that perhaps I don't have a single great tragedy in my life but I do have MANY little battles that I have lost. Do you think that can have just as damaging affect on a person?

I feel a little dumb, how can my little tragedies be so devastating, when there are others in this world who have endured so much more?

I think I'm more confused...

February 2, 2000
12:36 pm
Avatar
gst
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi looking,

I admire your enthusiasm and wish you good luck in your getting well.

If it helps, I think you will find that the therapy community now is seeing that anxiety/depression etc. can be triggered by a specific event or trauma (soldiers coming home from war will often go through what is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) which can feel just like burnout. But now they are agreeing that some people just carry a gene for it. It just appears like diabetes would or other diseases.

That's why I would hope you will not be bashful about checking in to the MD and getting a good diagnosis. Money spent on well being is money well spent - even if you have to pay them $5 a month.

For a long time I thought these sign were hyperthyroidism comming back. I insisted on it and forced (I tend to be unfortunatety a little too headstrong) my poor doctor to re-test me. All came back normal - Everything normal. So why was I always pissed even when I wasn't pissed?

It's good to see your enthusiasm. Are you on a campus where you van access a student health center?

No permission to create posts
Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
48 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 109445

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38532

Posts: 714179

Newest Members:

AdelineDazy, ValeryasaDazy, bujhtrDazy, ArtyomyushkaDazy, wrestlingDazy, cnfhtvbkbfyDazy

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer