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I think this is where I need to be
January 29, 2008
1:04 pm
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movin_on_hopefully
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September 29, 2010
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I don't like to write in public forums for the most part. I have dealt with alot of family members specifically and friends who have used public forums for people to tell them what they want to hear. I need some help. I need to find a balance between being a good person and drawing boundaries to keep my sanity and the overall mental health of my immediate family (husband, children and myself)

Apparently in my family I'm the sane one. No addictions to drugs or drinking from the one side and no need for extreme drama to get attention from the other. I'm thankful and work hard on being real.

I have 4 sisters. #1 has two beautiful little girls. Originally she had three but when the second one was 3 months old I flew to Florida and got her She's been with us ever since and the adoption was final on her 5th birthday. She's now 7. The other two girls are 8 and almost 6. #1 has become an alcholic. I usually handle her well as I've had plenty of experience already at the age of 30. (I'm the oldest of all of them) I usually keep a good head in stressful situations and try to keep to myself. I try not to make others problems my own but how do you draw that separation when there are precious little people involved.

I recently had a run in with #1 as our friends called me while on a rare date with my husband to tell me that my sister was drunk. That she was driving and being beligerant(sp?) Now I'm told I shouldn't have gone. Part of me beleives that's true maybe I should have just called the police. Probably. But instead I went to her rescue. An unwelcomed attempt at that. She blacked out that night I could see the change happen in her face in an instant. I should have kept better control of myself but 7 years of frustration came out in one instance. She became beligerant with me. When she tried to get physical (being completely sober and angry to have my much needed evening with my husband interupted)I grabed her, restrained her and took her out side to avoid a scene in the bar. I tried to get her to let us drive her and her car home and she began screaming at me to give her the keys.

Long story short (too late I know) She went crazy started swinging at me and charging like a bull and in one instance I lost who I was and what I believe and for the first time in my life I struck another human being. Punched her right in the side of the face. This is the worst of our fights as usually I'm going to the rescue of her children and she's more than willing of course to let me take them.

Has anyone else ever been in this situation? Has anyone else allowed someone to get them so angry that they lose who they are? Should I have simply called the police from the begining and stayed away completely.

I did end up calling the police and they took her to detox where she blew a .28 or something like that.

Here's the clincher. She got out the next morning and was going to file assalt charges against me. I sent her to detox and once again went and got her children so that they wouldn't be alone and the babysitter (14 year old girl) could go home.

I'll start with this for now. I'm interested in learning where to draw the line. In how to hold to it. They always call me to deal with things and I'm all used up. Somethings got to be done. I have to keep better control. I have to build boundaries. I don't know what else to do or even how to start. Thanks for hearing me.

January 29, 2008
1:11 pm
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Celtic1
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(((movin))) ((cyber hugs))
Welcom...
You have come to the right place. Others will be along who have more insight than I have. But, welcome and keep posting.

Celtic

January 29, 2008
1:27 pm
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razor
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Hi Movin_on_hopefully,
Have you thought about checking out alaonon meetings?

They have helped me alot.
I didn't think I should go at first because I wasn't the one with the drinking problem and I thought going to meetings sounded too much like work. I soon discovered I was doing it for me and although it was a slow go it was the best decision I have ever made.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

January 29, 2008
1:40 pm
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movin_on_hopefully
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September 29, 2010
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Thanks for the quick response on this one. I actually had heard about alanon and hadn't gotten that far. There's a meeting tonight I'm going to try to make it to. Hopefully I'll find what I'm looking for. I look forward to hearing from others as well.

Thanks again

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