Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
I think I'm cured????
October 1, 2003
11:38 am
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Today I feel nice. I can't get up any sentimental feelings anymore for my husband. But I may be talking too soon and jinx myself.

But I don't think I love him any more.

When I think of him now, which is way less often, I am arguing with him. I am trying to make him see that he WAS extremely crummy to me (to put it mildly) and I hate that I had to ever experience any of it and I am shocked at how he presented himself to be such a peaceful hippie dude who was concerned about my happiness. What a crock!!!

He reminds me of Golum ? (spelling?) from The Lord of the Rings. That sub-human crawling around underground concerned about his "precious". My husband's good times at others expenses was his "precious".

He can drop dead. I hope this lasts. I think it will.

I credit a great deal of this to the wonderful people in this forum. We traded our stories and it is so easy to see what someone else seems to be doing wrong....and you think...hey, then why am I doing it?

You shouldn't live a life that you wouldn't wish on anyone else you cared about. Not your mom, sister, daughter, etc. You would not stand for it.

I truly hope I don't post here again sometime that I am still hooked on him. I'll hate myself if I do. I feel strong and calm and happy. I can pass this on to others now, especially my children.

Whew! (fingers crossed)

October 1, 2003
11:47 am
Avatar
artist 2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Great going!! Trust yourself, you won't phyche...

I look forward to happy posts from Camper.

October 1, 2003
12:08 pm
Avatar
tracylyn
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey camper~

Is it really that easy? You wake up one day and bam...you are cured. That actually worries me...could be some little happy hormones making you feel good today. I'm definately happy for you...I hope it sticks. It's just that there are so many other issues going on here other than the fact that you were still clinging to your husband.

Your words above about how you want him to admit that he treated you badly...those concern me as well. Why does he have to admit it? You will never prove to him that he was wrong. You know it was wrong, it wasn't how you wanted or deserved to be treated and that's all that matters. I used to do that with my ex, always wanting to prove to him how badly he treated me. Then one day I realized that he will never see that, because he did love me in his own way, the only way he knew how. Wasn't what I wanted or needed or deserved....so I choose to leave and choose to stop trying to convince him how horrible he was...it wasn't worth my time or energy.

You may want to start looking at the "whys" about yourself. Ask yourself.

Why did I fall for him?
Where there any red flags?
Why did I stay once things got bad?
Why the need to "take care" of him?
Why the need to find a new man?

There is something underlying here that is going on and I hope that you will look into it.

I'm so glad you now feel detached from him....because now you can truely turn your thoughts to you...and how you become truely healthy and happy.

October 1, 2003
12:31 pm
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Actually, my daydream arguements with him stem from my dread of having to speak with him ever again. I wish I never had to see him ever!!! I could easily handle that very well.

But knowing that we have to get divorced and he said before he would fight it, and he would sue me for support, and all of his things are still in my home....I am going to have to see the s.o.b. sometime, unless I can arrange for his stuffed to be delivered to him or have someone else home when he comes for it. I really don't want to see him ever again.

I hope I don't have to see him in court ever too. I am frightened of him and how he would lie. That terrifies me. But I have so much proof I shouldn't worry.

If he would move back to the U.S.A. or at least away from here, I would feel better. He is not going to drive me crazy any more.

I'm through with it and him.

October 1, 2003
1:22 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

If you really don't want to ever see him again, make it happen. Grab all of his stuff and put it in storage. It's worth the extra money each month. Or sell it and send the check to jail and just be done with it. Or ship it back to his family (or the closest thing he has to family) in the USA.

If you really don't want the drama, then take steps to end the drama. Don't want to see him in court? You don't have to. Work with your lawyer to find representation. Start the divorce paperwork now. It's much easier than you think and getting started is the hardest part.

Sounds simple to say and really hard to do, but just do it. That's the only way it's going to get done.

October 1, 2003
2:54 pm
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

gingerleigh....my feeling EXACTLY!

I am working on all of that. I really want to avoid seeing his face again.

October 1, 2003
2:59 pm
Avatar
artist 2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I second the idea of a storage unit - or on the front lawn under a tarp?

October 1, 2003
6:15 pm
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

LOL How about a bonfire?

October 1, 2003
6:38 pm
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

So far so good, end of the day and I'm still ok. I think of him now as a really bad child I used to babysit.

And glad I don't have to do that any more. LOL

October 1, 2003
9:32 pm
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good for you!!! You sound really good, just keep on trucking. I remember having a person in my life like this once upon a time and I literally had to get to the point where I didn't even hear him. I mean it was sad because he'd say something to me and I'd be like "what"? Oh yea, whatever or NO, fuck off!! I just gave him nothing but apathy and THAT pissed him off big time! Thing was though, it was real natural for me. I just hit that place of pay dirt and there it was - apathy. Such a wonderful thing really....

I remember one time when I blew him off and he was walking oh so close behind me on the grass, following me, taunting me with nasty remarks and I could feel his breath on my neck and I was sooo calm it was spooky. I was looking at my daughter, standing horrified in the doorway, which was the house of a deputy sheriff that I lived with for awhile, him and his family....and I just kept walking but my daughter said, OMG, MOM, you looked like a wrestler walking across that lawn! Your muscles were bulging and you looked almost like a man. I said well, all that was in my mind was......just *touch* me you SOB, please do because when you do.........you are going to wish you were never......born. I had soooo much anger in me at that moment and believe me, I DO know, how to mess someone up really bad and I was just hoping and praying his little ego was going to "go there". I had had it, I was done, I was speaking very quiet, very precise to him and when I walked away - I was done with that conversation. And I told him that. It's over, step aside, fuck you and the horse you rode in on AND the people you have cheering you on.

Funny thing though.....I took my time walking across that yard, I didn't run, didn't act scared (because I really wasn't) and I know he knew that he could hound me all he wanted to, he could come sooo close and all that but if he crossed "that" line, I was all over him. Therefore......he never crossed that line. There is something to "that vibe" when you get it that says, I'm done asshole. Give it your best shot and all that but when you push this last button, you better be prepared for all out hell because it's coming to your town, with NO mercy.

I said I was done, and I meant it. No more circular reasoning, no more pity parties for him, no more talking, no more trying, no more me being the one wrong and the one who wasn't trying enough and all that other bullshit.

Oh he put on the BIGGEST show, too...for our friends, his family, our church, my workplace (yes he went there, too and made a big scene which prompted a restraining order the very next day from me) and he just smeared me to kingdom come and I didn't bat one eyelash.....like I said - Asshole, I'm DONE.

But "I" was the one wrong in everyone's eyes. I was the bad, bad little "christian" wife (whatever!) and I was the one that everyone turned around and stared at with disgust.......Ah yes.....isn't it wonderful? Funny, too...he was sooo good at pretending to be so wonderful. Hot butter couldn't melt in his mouth! He worked me like any other con artist seeing a "mark".

Let's see what HE left in his wake, which I warned everyone about but no one listened........he busted up our best friends marriage...dated her, she later said to a friend of mine that NOW I know what Ladeska went through...OH, and so you didn't believe ME when I told you and when you saw things for yourself???? And then he busted another of our best friend's marriage.... The pastor that supported him got rode out on a rail because he was embezzling from the church, the youth pastor that thought he could do NO wrong lost his wife and family because he was getting it on with one of his young, pretty Youth Leaders.....that he choose instead of me because "I saw through him" OOPS! The woman at my work who sided with him and said that I really need to repent and get right with GOD, later came and apologized profusely because of how she had been duped by him and all along.....I was on my own through all this hell, battling to just make ends meet because I was married to this guy and had a child to support.

He had convinced me that it was a "good thing" that I sell my car, quit my good paying job and just be a housewife and take care of my child for once in my life. How nice, right? Um.......can we say - how controlling????

Um, he was a little psychopath from hell itself and our marriage, if you can call it that, lasted for one year. The first 6 months were spent going to this pastor for "counseling". What a freaking joke that was!!! And was spent with me trying to be a good little girl and deal with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde every day and night. Finally, however, the part of me that comes out fighting like a foaming she wolf, finally appeared........and it was "ugly".

I could have given a rat's ass if I was on the street with just the clothes on my back because I KNEW that I had been through worse in my life and overcome it, so if you feel froggy asswipe, then just Jump because when I say NO MORE, I fucking mean it. Lock and Load.

Typical of bullies.......they really hate real courage, truth and perseverance like the freaking plague. Sure he rammed my gates, a few time, just to see if I would budge. He found nothing but pure, nasty determination. I didn't survive the hell I went through growing up to let a little piss assed, blow hard jerkoff like him, mess with me or my daughter. You think you know something about HELL, preacher boy, bring it on and cross that line and you'll SEE it first hand.

Consequently, he backed off and went about destroying other people's lives in short order. And consequently, I still, to this day, run into people that we knew who cannot or will not look me or my daughter in the eye because of their own shame and guilt. Oh well. I tried to tell them but - they wouldn't listen.

We can all get taken in by a psychopath. They are very, very good at what they do. Trouble is, the counterfeit goop.......doesn't last. He can't, because it's - not real. And they are the biggest cowards on the planet. You show real guts, true grit and they just wee-wee themselves.

I really didn't care if he did or not, all I knew was, I'm coming through and I'm done with your B.S. and if you're stupid enough to stand in my way or get in my way - then you can just beat the consequences of those actions.

So when you're done, really done, UC, nothing stops you from taking care of yourself.......nothing. They can whine and moan and stall and play with themselves and throw wrenches in things all they want to but the bottomline is - true conviction and grit is something they just don't have and the sooner you really realize that one - the better. In the end, I think he and everyone else thought I was quite mad. That's good. That's real good. Mission accomplished. (smile)

The trouble that anyone has in this kind of situation with a persona like this is - they let them trip them up, they listen, they quiver with fear, they stop their walk and do a little circle of inspecting their own navel and doubting themselves and feeling sorry for them and what the hell ever....WRONG move - this puts you back about ten paces and let's your enemy advance about 50 paces.

I am not amazed at the women who get sooo strong and then let their guy back in for a one night stand and then they are to pieces again....back way past where they were and they go WHAT happened??? I was SO strong before??? Well for one thing, you let him come in and pee all over his territory. You think he disrespected you before for "being had", you ain't seen Nothing YET!! Before you were just stupid and naive, now you become disgusting to them and deserve everything you get - per them.

When you make up your mind - there is NO going back. You don't listen, you don't dance, you don't second-guess yourself and you don't stutter. You say what you mean and you MEAN what you say and - that's just that. Win, Lose or Draw - you're coming through. Now THAT is strength and bullies are cowards... So you remember that one. But you have to be real committed to the walk and it has to be a "follow through" kind of walk.

I can remember him saying to me...whatcha gonna DO, you don't have a car, you have no job, no money saved up? What? I just looked at him and said - Just WATCH Me! You can strip me naked and drop me in the middle of timbucktoo and I'll come out doing a helluva lot better than YOU ever could, so don't even sweat the small stuff, okay?

The thing was.........he knew he wasn't on a level playing field with him...he knew that and he detested it. He sooo wanted to control me and most of all to "break" me. Ain't happening in this lifetime buddy. Better at the game than you - have tried and failed.

Your spirit is "yours" Unhappy Camper". And don't give it away to ANYONE EVER again to be broken.

October 1, 2003
10:14 pm
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ladeska!!!!! What a powerful story from a powerful lady. But one who was abused and used and rose above all that like the Phoenix rising from the ashes....

I applaud you.

I think I had given him a month in the back of my mind. I told him on Aug.24th see a psychiatrist or go to hell. Well, it's been more than a month now....no word. I know he is using everyone he can to get by. I bet he is peeing himself about having to go to work (if he is) or else he is back in the men's shelters.

But I have turned the corner. Yes, no more pity party for him. No sentimental longings. He just pisses me off, but like someone said I don't let him "rent a space in my head" much any more.

I have good people to support me. Doctors and counselors and nurses and people in the court system all told me to run like hell from him.

Allaboutcounseling really made that happen a zillion times faster than it would have otherwise.

Allaboutcounseling is allaboutpeople who have been there, done that, got the T-shirt, or are feeling their way in the dark through these murky waters. We are all feeling for the rope to guide us. This is a group project.

Ladeska, you are remarkable.

I'm glad you put him in his place. My guy is next.

He can beg, cry, whine, puke, scream, push me, pull me, hit me, stick his finger in my face, sneer at me, spit on me, insult me, threaten me, lie to me....his usual behaviour....till the cows come home.

I think I will yawn and walk away.

I am immune to him now. And no, he won't talk his way back home. LOL

I salute you Ladeska. I am sorry you were hurt by so many people.

But you survived with more dignity in your little finger nail than they could ever imagine. You have rendered them inconsequential. You neutered them.

Good going, my good friend. 🙂

October 1, 2003
11:47 pm
Avatar
jenni from the block
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

...and hopefully my guy is next after you Uc...I am following your story and gathering strength from you and others in this forum. I am getting stronger every day..I know I need to leave my partner, and I think I'm getting closer to making that happen. I love him, and I think I always will, but I know now that I am never going to change him. If I could change him it would have happened already, because I've tried just about everything in the book, short of putting him in a bubble and never letting him out (I've actually daydreamed about this!).

I accept that his primary relationship is with drugs and it will always be that way. I will never be a priority in his life and even if he gets clean, I will never be able to trust him and I may never be able to get past the hurt and anger I have been coping with for the past 20 years of this relationship. I have stopped blaming him and no longer try to convince him how he has hurt me, because I accept that I have allowed myself to be hurt by staying in this relationship. I have enabled him, compromised my own values, and allowed my boundaries to erode to the point where my bottom line has been lost. I feel ashamed, depressed, and terrified every day of my life. I'm financially in shambles even though i have a high paying job, I have lost out on friendships and social opportunities, and I have never gotten to know the real woman in me.

Tonight, I took a small step...I refused to give my partner money and when he got upset, I said very calmly, "I'm not going to die from your anger, so go ahead, be mad" and then I went to a local bookstore and relaxed. The great thing is that "you will not die from his anger" was said to me by someone in this forum (I think it was ms. confused?) and it made me laugh when I realized just how true it is. His anger and fear of him leaving me has always prompted me to give in to him. I will not do this anymore! Thanks to everyone for your stories and insights..Before I discovered this forum a few months ago, I honestly believed I was the only one in this kind of situation! Who knew! I've got lots to learn, and there is a long road ahead, but I'm getting there, slowly, but at least I'm moving forward.

October 1, 2003
11:57 pm
Avatar
jenni from the block
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lo and behold, I looked back and it was UC who told me, "you won't die from his anger"..Thanks UC I love that!

October 2, 2003
1:23 am
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Uc and jenni, this is the beginning of the end. the road up to now has been two steps forward, one step back. But the longest and hardest part, where your heart breaks and the dreams die, is very close to entering the past. And that's the new beginning.

If for whatever reason, you take a step back, don't hate yourself. Because anybody who has been in your shoes wouldn't, not even for a moment. Ya regroup, stand up, dust off, and get back on the path.

Uc, try to go with the momentum. There's alot of energy in your words. Use it, now, before it settles.

Don't let him come to your place to get his stuff. I locked the house and had all my ex-monster's stuff in the garage. Out of anger, he took everything, all the way to the dryer hose. Not kidding. You will never get this stuff back. He wiped out the bank accounts, etc. Don't let this happen to you. I didn't think it would happen to me, even though I waqs told it would. It sucks.

take care

free

October 2, 2003
11:19 am
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'll have to have his car towed from my garage to where I work. I should just park it in the street and let them tow it away. But for appearance sake I'll look like I'm still looking after his needs in case we go to court.

Jenni...you said you'd always love him. Wanna bet? You can't see it now but you will stop. I can't say I love my husband now because I would be saying I love 'nothing'. He is nothing for me. He offered me nothing.

I am very pleased I have progressed this far. This doesn't mean I feel happy really. I am sad and lonely, but I don't miss him and don't want him. I do feel sorry for myself that I was treated like shit. Worse than shit.

BTW, I met someone new who was a gypsy type and had a million jobs in a million places and the warning bells went off. I told him "I'm not for you...I don't want to live in a different place every few years and not be sure where income would come from".

Hey, I should have said "You're not for me". Right?

Good luck to all of you who are following the path to freedom and dignity and peace.

May the gods smile on our destiny.

October 2, 2003
9:10 pm
Avatar
jenni from the block
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good Luck Uc, full steam ahead...

Free, thanks for giving me permission to "take a step back" and not feel guilty about it. I have taken many steps back, and as a matter of fact, I think I was walking backwards for awhile! Besides my therapist there is one person in the entire world that I have opened up to. She was extremely supportive at first, and I will always be grateful to her, but when I took some steps back, she basically told me to "shit or get off the pot" and said that I would lose her respect and support as a friend if I stayed with my partner. I was absolutely devastated and from then on, I have been lying to her about everything and she actually thinks that we are separated right now (oh boy, am I dysfunctional or what?.) I'm actually planning on comming clean with her and being clear that while I am moving at a snail's pace, it is my pace, and she can either respect my process or not. I feel I need to do this...

October 3, 2003
1:03 pm
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good for you guys!! You are all saying it like it is, growing, sharing and moving on.....and like you just said and Free reminded you of - it's "okay" to go off the track here and there. We're all human and people on their little pedestals who say whatever - are just all so *precious*....barf. Eh, whatEVER!

It's all a process, it's all about coming out of the fog and sometimes though - it is about doing something quick and doing it exactly. There's a fine tethering there...... We're fuzzy coming out of things, slowly learning, etc. and then in the middle of all that - there are things that need to absolutely be done in a split second as in - giving all your energy at that given point - to this action. That's the tricky part....

It's like you have to conserve all your energy for "those times" when you are coming out of the fog. And that means.....cutting out anything else that steals energy from you, be that people or whatever. Only have in your life....what is life sustaining, positive and "pro you". You can't be giving alot right now, you need to pull in all your energies and fight for yourself.

And with people who take and take and take from you - it's "talk to the hand, cause the face ain't listening." These people are responsible for their own lives and their own happiness.....let them be about it then.

Sometimes by enabling people, being their Miss Fix It, being their scapegoat and their mommie.....isn't about us loving them at all. It's about us being "needed" and it's about doing a very passive controlling kind of deal, too....although few of us would admit it. WE do all THIS for you and take your shit and hang in there and try and help you and believe in you and blah, blah, blah and you do THIS to ME???? Um......that's not cool either and it actually hampers whatever progress they could make because the sooner they hit their own brick wall in life hard enough to knock some sense into them - the better. If we keep cushioning that blow and preventing it or whatever, at our OWN expense.......this isn't love for them, or for ourselves. Quite the opposite. And we don't need to "earn" love from someone else and have them indebted to us because we took them out of whatever gutter and cleaned them off either. Nasty little thing to look at, but it all goes back to having good self esteem. If you are worthy in the first place of someone to stand on their own two feet beside you and be a Real partner.....then that doesn't quite match the other scenario of constantly trying to make someone "into" what you envision they could be - if they only Would!! It's time to get real with ourselves and own our part in "what goes down here".

When we have things in a more true and correct light within ourselves, we just won't have the need to do this little dance. And we won't have the need to go grab up a man real quick because we're desperate. A healty self respect and self knowledge will prevent that. Whatever is worthy will come to you and there will be mutual attraction that isn't about - fixing or doing anything quick or charming or conning or any of that. Real love is more about really respecting the other person than it is anything else. Respect is a foundation for love. And from Respect - ALOT of things flow.... It is what II Corinthians, chapt. 13 in the bible is all about. And it's also stated in Gahlil Gibran's "The Prophet"...chapter on Love and the one on Marriage as well. If you never followed anything else but these three writings - you would do well.

October 3, 2003
2:39 pm
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I was thinking today that I can now do anything I want and go anywhere in the world I want to. I don't have a drunk husband to tie me down.

He also has agoraphobia so life with him besides ALL his other problems is one of staying home or going out for short periods (1 hr.) and rushing home and him drinking to calm his nerves about being out.

He will be tied to his room for life. He won't stray far from it. He loves to be home safe on his bed. And then beer and porn to pleasure himself with. Ahh...what a life huh?

I am free of that. I wish he was normal. But he ain't.

So I should be / am / glad for my freedom.

October 3, 2003
5:53 pm
Avatar
jenni from the block
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I wish I could get angry at my partner because then it might be easier to leave him. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of angry moments, but they eventually fade away and sadness and longing take over...sadness about what could have been....and would could still be, if only..But I know, as Ladeska said, I need to get real, about what is going on, and there is alot of pain in my life. I just finished work and prior to leaving my coworkers were all talking about their plans for the weekend and how happy they are that it's Friday. I just felt dread and anxiety, because when I get home, I never know what is going to happen...Sure enough I am home now and my partner nowhere to be found...possibly gone to the store or maybe a three day binge...

Part of my fear of breaking up, is how to get through it, because i know my anxiety and depression will be high. How do I manage at work? How do I act "normal" in front of my family and friends who have no idea about my relationship problems, because I have kept them so well hidden? How do I sleep at night? How do I start to rebuild my life? When will I start to feel okay again? Can someone please tell me what is was like for them during/after/in the midst of the crisis of the break up. I just don't know if I have the time or energy to do it...

October 4, 2003
12:51 pm
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I can honestly say I have not done a good job at work for a year. I do ok. But I am suffering and crying a lot in my office. I open his old emails. I write letters. I need to keep him alive. I haven't seen him now for six or seven weeks. It feels like a century.

People have seen me extremely quiet and sad and pathetic at work. They have walked into my office when I have tears in my eyes and down my face and sometimes they ask how I am and sometimes they just try to pretend they don't see them. I am embarassed at times and not at others. I can't help it. I am suffering.

I don't think his death would have hurt as much as his denial of his kindness and caring.

I haven't been a good mom. I did do want my kids wanted and got them what they needed. I talk with them sometimes. I am embarassed in front of them too. I am crying today and my son is ignoring it.

I lie on the couch and cry. I should vacuum and clean up. I don't bother.

I am so lonely and sad and I just dream of him.

I keep saying to him: Please make everything ok. Please make everything ok with us. Please.

I'm in the middle of getting rid of him. I have a lawyer. But today I don't want to divorce him. But I can't live with him. He will laugh at me that I desire him so much after he was so disgusting to me. He will have power over me again. I will feel like dirt.

I have to talk to a counselor.

October 4, 2003
2:29 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hugs HC....I am sorry you are hurting so bad. It isn't fair when our dreams are crushed. Please stay strong for your children. They need you. Counseling may be a good option as well as getting out and sniffing the fresh air. Hugs.

October 12, 2003
6:29 pm
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

OK....I think I've passed the test.

In the support groups I started attending, they make us do these meditation exercises. I found them to be dumb, embarassing, lame....stupid. I hated doing it and was drumming my fingers and wanted it to be over.

But las time they shut off the lights and lit scented candles and we did the same sort of exercises where she told us to image we were old oak trees with our roots growing deep deep into the earth below us and anchoring us and making us strong. This time she added a diamond deep in the ground to help us heal that our roots taped into.

This time it worked. This time I became strong.

I also have been talking to new people who act NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't emphasize that enough. Normal!!!

They don't play games. The don't say one thing and do another. They are just normal.

I am taken back to 20 years ago and even sooner...I don't know when.

Whenever the last time I trusted and felt happy.

I am ready to go forth alone or with someone and be safe and happy.

I hope you will all join me.

love,
camper

October 12, 2003
6:43 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey Camper....Good for YOU.
So define Normal? I think I am NORMAL.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
23
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111019
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38569
Posts: 714305
Newest Members:
bravelassie, Chloe12, future life, austinjacob, Hadity1, JasonMcGhee
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information