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i "think" he is having someone else
October 8, 2004
11:56 pm
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breezyme
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Married 11 years.Age 44yrs. How do we believe/trust yr husband when out of 365 days u borrow his handphone for ONE day and
on that one day u receive an intimate SMS
from a girl at his work place? This happened
about 9 months ago, the girl is still working there but as time goes by since i
confronted him he gets colder and colder
we haven't been sleeping together for months
now. Give me some ideas of what's going on
esp from guys...u should know best ...

October 9, 2004
12:14 am
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gingerleigh
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How intimate is "intimate"?

October 9, 2004
12:33 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi Breezyme: I have been the woman in one of those situations. I was seeing a guy that was a contractor and so he was driving all over the place every day and used a cell phone all day long. So he would call me to see if I was home and come over. I never had his home phone or went to his house. Well guess what- one day he comes over and forgets to take off his wedding ring. Hit the road Jack. I felt so sorry for his wife- he was out doing whatever all day long all over the place and there was no way she could track him. Quite a prize. I shared this because men can be pretty crafty - I hope this isn't the case with yours but I certainly would be suspicious. Maybe you caught him with his hand in the cookie jar and he's not happy. I would check his phone a little more often if I were you. For your own protection. SD

October 10, 2004
8:26 pm
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breezyme
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October 10, 2004
8:37 pm
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breezyme
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To gingerleigh,
Well the message started without a
"Hi Pete" or "Mr Smith" and it went on to complement how good he looked -
etc -apparently she saw him coming into office and quickly SMS him. and she did not even sign off; his phone had no identification of her name or no.so apparently they were familiar with each other; am i wrong to guess? i called back the nomber to
confirm who it was and asked for her name; he later informed me that she
was just being "cheeky"?

October 10, 2004
10:54 pm
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jossy
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Breezyme, I think as women we need to trust our instincts, when you feel something is wrong, it usually is. Anyone calling your husband or sending that kind of messages is because there is familiarity as you say. The worst place to be is in doubt, as SD says, do your own investigating, and spend time in making yourself look good, it will give you confidence, and I think men fear confidence in these situations.
good luck,

October 13, 2004
8:20 pm
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breezyme
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Thanks Jossy for the good advice and
support.

October 13, 2004
8:30 pm
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Anonymous
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Definately trust your instincts. He spent much effort into convincing me I was paranoid and delusional until I thought I was going nuts. Turns out there have been more than a handful of women, not one or two, more like 50 at best guess. Trust your instincts.

October 13, 2004
8:55 pm
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breezyme
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Thanks Maggalisa, At times u know, i want to believe him...but part of me
says "are u sure?",....cause the only time he spends out of the house
is when he is at work (at his office)....can an office romance survive on such constrained hours? I mean like he still has a job to do...and all.He is not totally
office bound (90%). I am not really
sure how to begin to "investigate",
(hopeless me)..

October 13, 2004
9:07 pm
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bubishi76
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breezyme,
Let me tell you what I think from a guys perspective. I've been cheated on by an ex and it was almost the same situation. From my experience, I find that regardless of who is doing the cheating, the actions are primarily the same. I definately would lose it had that happened to me in reverse. I think that even if he isn't cheating "physically" the cheating is there on a "mental" level. WHat I mean is, the major premise of cheating is the intimate exchange with another. I think that it is just as bad to cheat from the heart as it is actually doing the physical act. I think that you caught him. The things that you need to do and consider are this.... WHat lead to this point? (I've tried to define this myself. WHY people cheat) Also, you need to be sure. THIS IS IMPORTANT.. Lets just look that this person MAY have his number for business purposes, SHE has intimate feelings for him but the feelings are not mutual. She sends him these notes but he dismisses them and doesn't say anything knowing that it could look bad. (Like why does she think she could express herself like this) YOU intercept the note and confront him when he really hasn't done anything. Then he is hurt that after all the time you have together, you can't trust him to make proper judgement. What I'm saying is, You need to investigate a little more. Does he disappear or do anything else that could lead you to believe he is unfaithful?? Have you discussed why the two of you are no longer sleeping together?? Who's choice was that?? You'll know in your gut if things are amiss.
~Bubishi~

October 13, 2004
9:40 pm
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breezyme
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Bubishi76, u have made me realised that i was the one who decided not
to sleep in the same room with him..
cause to me it is like so long as
i am not close to u "physically" i will not hurt just as much though
it still hurts. I feel a lot of anger
but i pipe it down cause of the children and i explain my sleeping
with one of them as accompanying them,they are happy about it. At times, when we do talk is only after the children are all asleep. Admittedly he has asked me to go back to him...probably i'll give in
when i come to terms with myself...but i still cannot get over
it!!! am i being too hard on him...he doesn't disappear for long periods...very short ones only...at those times..i would wonder and drive
myself crazy thinking is off to sending some messages again on his line, ...i know i am nuts at times..
Yeah he did mentioned about "trusting him etc thru all these years"...otherwise he is a very caring person; and i love him so much.

He has even asked me to talk to "this girl", but what would i ask her..."do u like my husband"
"are u having an affair with my husband", even if she is would she
admit it!? and i would end up looking pathetic...and i feel i would not be good for him as well if i actually went and ask her...u know male-ego...

Bubishi,thank you for your input...it does give some light to my problem....

October 14, 2004
11:31 am
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ROKNROB
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Breezyme

I hate to hear what your going through. About 3 months ago I had the that my boyfriend was cheating on me. So I checked his cell phone calls and found out that he had been calling this girl. I confronted him and of course he denied it. Well he moved out 2 months ago and I have just found out that he is seeing this girl. I get so angry because he was doing all this while I was going through cancer/chemo treatment. But you what his day will come. My ex husband did the same thing and I watched his day come and loved every minute of it. Moral of the story, trust your first instinct.

October 14, 2004
12:45 pm
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kathygy
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It seems to me that if she is flirting with your husband that he gives her permission to flirt with him. You don't really know if its gone beyond flirting. I think the bigger issue is that you are not sleeping with your husband. I think you need to work things out in your marriage so that you are back together. I would go to marriage counseling with my husband if there are problems.

October 14, 2004
2:14 pm
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Worried_Dad
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To me, when sleeping together stops, it means that all desire for intimacy has gone which leads shortly to divorce. Yeah, I guess he is screwing around on you.

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