Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
I stood up for myself!
July 20, 2005
11:05 pm
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I don't know what is different(it could be months of therapy,she says sarcastically), but all of a sudden I am standing up for myself! Well it is not a pattern yet, but 2x to my sister and 1x to my mom and I said "No" to a mooching coworker and I didn't even prepare for it or analyze it beforehand, it just happened. It is shocking to me, but definately in a good way. I don't trust it yet, I don't if it will last. I don't know why now and what is different and why not before, but I am enjoying it for today! I can't really share this with my family b/c obviously I was standing up to them and my best friend is pregnant and very sick right now and I didn't want to wake her, and it is not something that I am going to share with aquaintances, so I thought I would share it here.

July 20, 2005
11:10 pm
Avatar
22haha
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You go girl!!!! Good for oyu. It feels great, doesn't it. I have stood up for myslef so much lately and I thought I would feel like a bitch but instead I feel powerful and confident. Great to hear this.

July 20, 2005
11:15 pm
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

In the past when I have tried to stand up for myself, first I have had to give it A LOT of thought and anxiety and then when I did it always came off as bitchy and then I would feel bad and back down and fix it. But amazingly, it doesn't have to be bitchy. I haven't felt bad just surprised and pleased! It is very empowering. And let me say, "Good Job" to you too, 22haha!

July 20, 2005
11:31 pm
Avatar
EJ
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi CPT,

I can remember when I was at this point. I used to have so much trouble saying no to people who would call and want me to serve on this or that committee or help with this or that dinner or whatever that I made a big "NO!" sign and kept it by the phone so I could remember how to say it when the time came!!!

I felt mean and bitchy, too, a lot of times, but I kept at it, and now "NO" just rolls off my tongue like water off a duck's back.

They other day I even told my mother (my by far most difficult person) to either knock it off or go home, because I'd had enough, and she knocked it off and didn't even pout or withdraw or try to punish me or anything!! I think she was too surprised! Sometimes I surprise myself.

It feels so good to grow! Three cheers for embracing the inner bitch!!

Love EJ

July 20, 2005
11:39 pm
Avatar
cpt1212
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks!

My mom and my sister, are not thrilled to the say the very least. I have found that the more changes I make for myself the meaner they are to me. It is very hurtful, b/c it really just has occured to me that they don't really care and they don't realy have my best interests at heart. I think it will be a struggle b/c they are testing me each step of the way. It really feels like bickering sometimes. But today I am just enjoying it and realizing that there is an alternative way to live and it is not meant for just some people. I know have a lot of hard work ahead of me, but I think I just got a taste of the benefits and that will keep going for a while.

July 20, 2005
11:47 pm
Avatar
22haha
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It seems like bickering now, but once they realize that they can't walk all over you and that you will stand up for yourself it will hopefully calm down for you. Bravo for letting them know you aren't a push over.

July 20, 2005
11:50 pm
Avatar
Cinamac
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good for you. It is hard when people know you as super woman who will take on their stuff and now you won't. I tell people I turned in my cape.

My ego took a beating. I used to get a lot of praise when I did everything- (but I also went through a lot of stress and didn't get my stuff done)
People would go on and on about how nice I was...(manipulation) but then be down right abusive when I didn't do enough, or it wasn't good enough....arggg.

When people are out their looking for victums, who will go on this committee, who will have the baby shower at their place, who will lend their car, their cell, their time...I sit there and look at everyone else. They soon find other suckers...as someone once said, There is a sucker born every minute.

Way to go...you may cash in a few friends, a few relatives...but will have a more peaceful and respected life. HAng in there

July 21, 2005
8:06 am
Avatar
SexySadie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I've always been a people pleaser too. Saying no is so hard, especially to my daughter out of guilt...especially for what she has been through, first with her father leaving and now SO. I've kept her busy the past few weeks while I have been dealing with all this. Had her at friends houses, doing stuff together, movies with friends etc. Last night I had promised to drop her off at the movies with friends and on the way to the car I had a panic attack. She was upset with me because I just couldn't do it...but my mom said that it was okay, she'd been out with friends the past three days/nights and was going to be w/her father tonight...argh the guilt got me...but it's okay now...we stayed home and cuddled and watched a movie on cable instead.

I've been stressed, not eating properly and not sleeping very well. Plus trying to cut down on smoking I think just all overcame me yesterday.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
28
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110929
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38539
Posts: 714213
Newest Members:
stanley, LarteyWellnessGroup, dr ado spell caster, Leslie Ann Satin, overmyhead201, delight1080
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer