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i stood up for myself today and to the inlaws i feel bad
June 20, 2006
8:55 pm
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chloeysmomma
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i had to finally put my foot down and stand up to my inlaws who basically blame me for anything that goes wrong with my kid i told hubby today i had to tell them they wernt gonna tell me how to live my life who i should go see counseling wise how i should treat my hubby etc and live my life i cant even begin to tell u about how they always have made me feel so small and immature cause they were older so today they called wanted to see my kid i said no cause all the unneeded stress my sister inlaws put me through lately i will write me soon

June 20, 2006
9:08 pm
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chloeysmomma
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so heres what happend i basically had to tell them to back off of me cause they put me down and made me feel inferior to them and they were telling me what and how to raise my kid and how to live my life etc and i got tired of it they wanted to take my kid for 4 days a week and basically said they were helping me and iam the one with all the problems and i dont do this or that for my hubby or child iam a good mother a great mother i pride myself on my self my home etc i have never abused my child etc and i dont spank my children at all so it was almost like i felt that they were taking her cause i am incompetent according to them and lazy its not true i went to couseling for myself and have gotten help with all my issues regarding my family etc and sexual abuse none of that was my fault etc and what happend to me was not either plus when my hubby went to iraq last year i was a mess and thats why they think i cant even complete anything i do cause they think i cant i want to prove them wrong i finally have my kid on a schedule and i told them they couldnt take her and it made them furious i told them iam raising her ive been there since day one only i dont get credit for what i do for my hubby they always want to see me do wrong so they can give him a reason to leave me i told inlaws that hubby would back me up on any decisions i made regarding my child and he would stand behind me on that i feel disrespected and stepped on i decided to stand up for myself and tell them to back off or they wouldnt see her at all ever agin i love them dearly but what gives them rights to come in my home tell me how to live my life and how to keep my hubby happy and my house clean it is clean but if i dont want to clean it its my choice not theirs i felt like hitting them when they came in my home and started criticising every little detail of my life i hate that and i dont think of them very much right now i feel sad that i told them off was i right to do that

June 20, 2006
9:32 pm
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mamacinnamon
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GOOD FOR YOU!

I'm glad to see you standing up for yourself.

🙂

June 20, 2006
11:16 pm
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lightchaser
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I know how you feel (((hugs))) you did the right thing. I loved my in-laws too. They just kept telling me my house was a disaster and DHS would take my kid away because I had dogs. Well, my hubby was a raging alcoholic that undid any work I tried to do. I worked my ass off to make it a good home. Now I am on my own and they can't say shit, cuz he's not here to mess it all up for me. The critisim was misdirected , but boy did it ever make me feel incompetent and like a worthless mother. You do what you can do honey. I bet you are a great mom! You love your kids and thats the most important thing.Some moms spend their life behind a vaccuum cleaner and I choose to spend it behind a book with my baby in my arms. They can fault me all they want, but look how their child turned out in their spotless house!

June 21, 2006
8:54 am
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Anonymous
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Chloeysmomma,
Good for you!I only wish I had the strength to stand up to my mother-in-law sometimes.She doesn't overinvolve herself with my home or children,she is actually the opposite.She is the least involved and seemingly uninterested Grandma I think I've ever met.I believe she loves my girls,but she has this thing for religion,which the denomination she is I do not believe in,as well as she plays favorites.She had 5 children,my hubby is in the middle,and she favors her eldest son's kids because she doesn't see them that often(they live out of state),she favors mostly my youngest sis-in-law's kids though.They are spoiled and rotten to boot,but she never wants to do any of those things with my kids.I always thought if I had overprotective domineering in-laws,I would evaluate the situation,decide whether or not they are trying to compensate for their inadaquacies with their child,and trying to "raise" mine.You know that are a good mother,and a good wife,and that's the mantra to live by...don't let these people getcha down,now that the "cat's out of the bag" and they know you can't be controlled or bossed around,maybe they will sing a different tune and readjust their attitudes.

June 21, 2006
10:12 am
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CAMER
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((chloeys))) good for you girl...see standing up is doing this for "you" to make you happy and don't care about others reactions...you needed to do this, you did it, did very well and whatever the inlaws feel is there problem now.

June 21, 2006
1:52 pm
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CAMER
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June 21, 2006
3:36 pm
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chloeysmomma
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still i feel so bad for telling them they were never gonna see her agin because of all the stuff they put me through was i wrong or am i wrong for going that far to protect myself from theyre critisims

June 22, 2006
11:16 am
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smarterone
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When they get over this initial "telling off", they will respect you more. keep up the good work.

June 23, 2006
10:44 pm
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chloeysmomma
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now ui think they hate me they wont talk 2 me now what

June 24, 2006
6:23 pm
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smarterone
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Nothing, take it one day at a time. If you know that you had good reason to do this. How much can one person take. You are a mature woman, and want to be treated as such. Right?
Boy, i would like to see whats in their closets!

June 25, 2006
1:45 pm
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chloeysmomma
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yeah but its not fair for me to punish them like this i hate being mean what can i do to resolve this issue

June 25, 2006
2:01 pm
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loverbee
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I am going through a similar situation where I too just recently gave my boyfriends mother a good talking to. Although she looked so shocked and so hurt, she in the end said that she was glad that I said it like it was and didn't back down because it showed that I was not willing to settle for her neurotic behavior and she was flattered by the fact that i expected more from her. Because she thought it was flattering that I actually thought she was capable of changing or else I wouldn't have said anything. So anyway, we bonded a little so stand your ground and I bet it will pay off.

June 25, 2006
2:11 pm
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chloeysmomma
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i want a resolve out of this i stood my ground but iam feeling so low because i wont let them see her and theyve done so much for me i think iam being unfair but if i dont hold my ground then i dont know what to expect with them they treat me like i dont matter anyways but i want them to see her i hate being cruel but i felt like i had to i was tired of their critisms their coming into my home telling me how to live etc telling me how to clean and keep my house and telling me my hubby wasnt happy with me etc but what really broke the straw on the camels back was they treated me like i was not a good enough mom or parent my child is very happy i treat her good and shes spoiled rotten i ve never hurt my child ever but i just dont see how punishing them is gonna make me feel better about this whole situation what else should i do

June 25, 2006
2:16 pm
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loverbee
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sounds like you are having a guilt complex to me. My mother in law (although we are not married we have been together for five years and she is family now) was the queen of laying guilt trips. She has taken me on lots of vacations, celebrated christmas with me and helped me get into a college that I liked so I understand that you think you are being unfair, but bettering your relationship with the inlaws will actually be good for them too, Everyone needs boundaries and they need to know that your child is your own, not theirs and they need to but out because they are only causing resentment which will in turn make it so that they don't see thier grandchild/niece etc.. often. You are just being the person to guide your relationship in the right direction.

June 25, 2006
10:09 pm
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smarterone
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Ask her to go out to dinner with you. So that you can talk on neutral grounds. Then if you want apologize and explain your feelings.

June 25, 2006
10:17 pm
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loverbee
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MEals are a great way to bond with inlaws.

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