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I Sign the papers today
March 7, 2007
2:18 pm
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lettingo
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Well, my attorney called and said I need to come in and sign the paperwork for my divorce. I felt so sad last night but re-read all my old journals to remind myself of the nightmare I have endured due to my stbx's addiction. All the lies, betrayal and stealing. WHY do we ONLY remember the good times but have to dig for the horrible times that are so much move obvious. Maybe it is must human nature. I can't wait for this to be far behind me. He still has to sign and agree and then it's official. My seven year relationship and five years of marriage is officially over.

March 7, 2007
2:38 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Let it Be . Let it be...When all the broken - hearted people living in this world agree..there will be an answer...let it be

March 7, 2007
2:40 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Time is a healer...I am so sad for you . horsefly

March 7, 2007
3:07 pm
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Shaney
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How about.....

Going to the shops and picking up a killer outfit... and tall pair of wicked shoes. Then stop by the lingerie boutique to buy a bra that pushes your boobs up to your chin, with a pair of undies to match. Swing by to get a quick manicure and pedicure. THEN, on your way to buy a bottle of wine AND a bottle of champagne, call a friend and make plans for dinner at your favorite restaurant. When you get home, open the wine and have a glass in the shower. Get ready, grab the bottle of champage o your way out the door, and drive to the restaurant to meet your friend. After you finish dessert, lift your glass and toast your strength, your bravery and your promising future.

much love to you... :o) - Shaney

(((lettingo)))

March 7, 2007
3:22 pm
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lettingo
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Shaney,
I love you idea but unfortunately, I have to work tonight. I agree, I need to set-up something for me and pamper myself for my strength and bravery and of course my wonderul promising future that lay ahead!

March 7, 2007
3:32 pm
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Shaney
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That darn work gets in the way every time! In our next life, we'll marry for money so we can make plans without worrying about stuff like that.

Have a wonderful evening anyway. You'll be just fine!

March 7, 2007
3:37 pm
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readyforachange
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lettingo...ironic, but this is the two year anniversary of my divorce.

Don't be sad...celebrate!!! Celebrate your freedom, your peace, your independence, and your strength. Celebrate that you have the rest of your life to live, without someone dragging you through their misery and addictions. Celebrate the wonderfulness that is YOU!!!

Honey, I was sitting at lunch today and a co-worker said, Today is the 7th, isn't it? I told her it was, and she told me this was the 1 year anniversary of her divorce. We raised our soda cans and made a toast...and I told her congratulations! It means we've lived a year, or two years, of our lives without out ex's crap. And it is something to celebrate. I won't say that there weren't struggles, and hurdles, and hard times, and adjustment. But they were mine, and I was in control of them. And I've learned to move past them.

(((lettingo))) Take care of yourself...you deserve it. Don't be sad, celebrate!

March 7, 2007
4:12 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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good idea shaney,

((lettinggo))Now the papers are signed and it is over you can start healing. I hope you feel better and better each day.

March 7, 2007
9:12 pm
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taj64
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Shew, that is out the way huh? Sorry it was a hard day, but it will be better for you :).

March 7, 2007
9:14 pm
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lollipop3
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(((lettinggo)))

I wish you continued strength and peace.

Take care,
Lolli

March 7, 2007
9:18 pm
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chickyfighter
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Lettinggo, it is a very memorable day, for many it is a day to celebrate b/c I am sure u endured way too much to have filed for divorce but the truth is that pain is involved.
w/time the pain will be more tolerable and if you have no children b/t the 2 of u, it can be easier to move on, however if u have children it will take you much longer.
I wish u the best.
I went out for drinks that day, I remember that day as clear as if it had been last night...The best to you, pls stay busy and know u are worthy of so much more, always be true to you!
Chicky

March 8, 2007
10:32 am
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lettingo
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Thanks everyone. It was a very sad day and I feel very depressed today but I know it will get easier. Isn't it funny how you only remember the good stuff. Or the stuff you think you will miss. It is funny especially when there was so much more pain and dysfunction. All the lies, betrayal and stealing? Why isn't that at the front of my memories. I know time will heal this. I am just in the thick of it all. I hate this. I just thought it would be so much easier once I signed.

March 8, 2007
10:45 am
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readyforachange
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hang in there, sweetie...it will get easier, and better. You had a great idea in reading those journals. Keep reminding yourself of WHY you did this. It gets hard to remember that sometimes. But, you chose to be apart from him for a reason...and you cannot forget that reason. (((lettingo)))

March 8, 2007
10:53 am
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nappy
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Throw yourself a party and celebrate your new foundness. Celebrate the ideal that you are free and that you will bless the past and embrace the future.
And it is nothing wrong to remember the good times, but you should always remember the reason why you were getting a divorce.

Good luck honey, and please let the sunshine on you today.

March 8, 2007
11:01 am
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lettingo
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Thanks everyone for the encouragment and especially for reminding me that it will ge easier. It is so easy to think this is the way I will always feel. The list of why I finally threw in the towel is so long. I think when I go home I will re-read the nightmare of the last two years. And believe me, it was a true nightmare. Just keep reminding me that I won't always feel this way.

March 8, 2007
11:49 am
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nappy
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No you want feel like this forever. Just be glad that you finally woke up from that nightmare that you probably was having for such a long time.
You pick this name (lettingo) for a reason (smile)

March 8, 2007
11:52 am
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lettingo
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Thanks so much. This site is so helpful right now. I called my mom this morning but was kind of glad she didn't answer because I would have just cried a river. She probably would have been surprised because she knows "almost" evertyhing my ex did. Funny, how you can love or think you love someone who treated you so badly. Thanks for reminding me that this will get easier. I hold on to that!!! Divorce sucks but it was better than the marriage that I was in.

March 8, 2007
12:57 pm
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smarterone
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Im doing my divorce and i just signed my default papers. meaning my ex had 20 days to respond and didnt, so court date next. He is in prison.
I cant wait till over, but i will never marry again.

March 8, 2007
1:27 pm
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lettingo
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smarterone,
What is he in prision for? My ex has a court day on 3/23. I don't even know what it is for this time. I want to be married again someday. I was happy at one point being a wife. I feel I was meant to spend my life with someone but I will NEVER again ignore any red flags. I will also make sure I get the help I NEED. I know I am not healthy and could possibly go right back into an addictive relationship again. I would rather be alone that endure it. How long were you married for? I guess it doesn't matter when you love someone. It hurts just the same.

March 8, 2007
1:51 pm
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lifeistooshort
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Hang in there! No one deserves to go through such hurt as you did and I did. Life is too short and happiness is what matters. You have to think of yourselfe and your future and keep going! I also have kept a diary for many years and that is what helps me stay focused on all the reasons why I am not happy in my marriage. My husband had internet issues and lied to me so many times and got angry when he admitted to them. He chose to chat and actually call people which some were under age and denied it until I found out through investigating myself. I still stayed with him and filed 2 years ago and took him bakc because of manipulation and I have 2 kids. I recently started to file again and I am still scared and nervous. Good people never seem to get another good cahnce in life, we let the bad ones get that chance. Not Fair!

March 8, 2007
1:58 pm
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nappy
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Lettingo, when you ready to have a party, we all will be there and I will bring the cake. Just let me know what kind you like.
And then the next person should tell what they will bring.

March 8, 2007
2:02 pm
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lettingo
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lifeistooshort,
You are right. Nobody deserves the hurt we have endured. It is something my friends and family tell me over and over again. Like most co-addicts or codependants, I am a good and loving person who would do just about anything for anybody. I guess that is what makes being treated so badly so difficult. I am not a victim here. I should not have given my ex so many chances believing he would change. Even when I talked to him yesterday, he sounded so convincing I starting second guessing myself. That is why having a diary is SOOO valuable. I have written ALOT over the last two years. I Have everything pretty much documented so I can see the truth even when my head can't remember. For now, I will see myself in the future strong and happy.

Nappy, thanks for your enthusiasim I wish I was readyf or a party. I know some day I will be and it will be a greet celebration. BTW, I like chocolcate.

March 8, 2007
2:36 pm
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nappy
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Well sweetheart, when you is ready, then you will know.
Just be proud of yourself that you are taking steps to your happiness. It will be alright. This is not death. You still have life in you and you need to show it.

I love chocolate also. That is my weakness.

Mens will say what we what them to say and yes it does sound good but in reality of life, that just not good enough.

March 8, 2007
8:05 pm
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luvhurts
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I wish you peace & happiness in your new life.

March 8, 2007
10:56 pm
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smarterone
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letting go, my ex, was a recovering addict. I met him later. He went back to drugs, he was on probation, but they didnt get him for that, he panicked when he saw cops when he was high and ran into someones house and they hid him. When the cops came to the door, and they denied he was there, the cops reminded them that they could be arrested. The cops went in and took him out. When trial came, the girl who hid him was afraid to let her bf know she let a stranger in and denied knowing he was there. So, they charged him with robbery. I must admit that was wrong.But you shouldnt have went back to the drugs. I guess sometimes, what people say about, once an addict always an addict does apply to "some" i said some to all you recovering people. He thought he could get high and not get hooked. Wrong! So i was left holding the bag, and am still being hit up by different bill collectors including IRS for his shit. I live on disability, so that is not fair. Im fighting it now.

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