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I relapsed after 11 years
March 15, 2006
11:05 pm
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tomgirl
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I'm a married women not happily at the time and suddenly my past comes back to haunt me.
after 11 years I got the call everytime I'd run back to him just to see how he was or if he changed .But this time was differnt I was married now so I thought it be differnt but the minute I heard his voice I was hooked.I got ready told my husband he did'nt care or ask me not to so I went just one time to see him we talked and it was all it took that look.Then I had to bring his daughters to see him one is 16 an 14 the last time was 11 years ago .He was abusive to me an put me in the hospital an I was 5 months with my first still after year to years I'd go back to him then disapear.It be 1 year 4 years 6 years now 11 being the longest away from him.Anyways I brought the girls and He was back to a drunk state after us we had to run from the house.My girls were cryin and I got in the car and left he called the nexst day to apoligize my girls never wanta see him again .I told him I couldn't call him and I needed time I live 100 miles away but I don't know why I am so sad and depressed and have to stop myself from calling him why did I go back what can I do to stop this pain I feel I am still addicted to him .

March 16, 2006
6:35 am
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CAMER
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sometimes codependency makes you feel that way, being addicted to this man...no matter how bad he is, etc.....just like drugs, they are not good but people get addicted.

Have you found a support team for yourself such as local coda meetings?
logon to http://WWW.CODA.ORG for more info
on local meetings, and read into some
good books on codependency...they will help.....Women who love too much, by Robin Norwood, and Codependent No more by Melody Beattie.

The feelings of addiction are normal, trust me, i have had them in the past too, its just getting yourself away from this toxic relationship and having feelings for him will make things better for both you and your daughters.

((camer))

March 16, 2006
8:22 pm
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tomgirl
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It's me again yes 11 years ago I read all the books on coderpedency ,But I better read them again we just lost our long distance thank God .Because I realy feeel a nned to call him but can't,He told me I know you'll call me again I said no I 'm not and he laughed an told me he'd be waiting by the phone ,I rearanged the furniture and watched soaps all day not a good idea considering I never watch them .I have to much time to think and it's time to read the word of God .My prayer tonight is to stay away from him this weekend.Thank you Camer for takin time to e-mail means alot to me this is new to me .. I will logon to http://www.coda.org thank you again. tomgirl

March 16, 2006
8:28 pm
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taj64
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I think watching soaps all day is good if you don't do it often. What is wrong with doing a day of nothing and getting involved with beautiful people's lives that are crazier than ours? It is good relaxing time and all about you. And it is ok to feel a need but ok to put it to rest. It feels empowering to not do it rather than to wait by the phone. I hope your prayer is answered but surely you can do this if you really want to.

March 16, 2006
9:06 pm
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CAMER
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HI TOMGIRL....isn't it funny how he automatically "thinks" you are going to call him and he's waiting by the phone.......don't give him that power, make him wait!!! and know that you are stronger and better than that........and yes, its true, sometimes we lose ourselves and go back to our old ways...thats why its so important to keep up with practicing and bettering yourself with codependency........I just came back from my weekly Coda meeting and feel great.....keep the connection, keep god in your life & things will go good.

((camer))

March 17, 2006
1:51 am
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tomgirl
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Thank you I realy am trying and wanting to do this I'm up late again can't sleep .about soap operas it's okay but for me I just got sad because it's all about love an getting back together .Thats why it did't feel good at the time I think I'll go out doors tomorrow an enjoy nature. I am glad that you had a great meeting that is so nice to hear.God is always good I just need to get out of the way so he can work in my life thanx camer ,taj64

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