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I really want to cut myself again
January 7, 2003
9:48 am
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Its me again.Sorry.I am not really sure what to do.Thing is....I stopped cutting myself a while ago, then recently did it a few times.I don't want to have the mark on my arms and legs, and am trying so so hard to stop,but it doesn't seem to be working.I feel like something is beating me.I have such bad bad urges right now, but I am fighting constantly.I don't want to do it, but I really need to feel better.And I HAVE tried alternatives.By the end of today, I will probably have done it, but I am trying.What can I do?

January 7, 2003
10:19 am
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Put away all the sharp instruments and take a walk and enjoy the beauty of the earth..... You are special Tinkerbe11....Think positive thoughts!
Stop the negative thoughts.
When they start....Yell Stop. Then replace the thought with "I Love Myself".

January 7, 2003
11:32 am
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Tink, can you find a friend or a family member to spend the day with? Try not to be alone, distract yourself with the energy of another human. OK?

January 7, 2003
11:40 am
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Tinkerbell,

I'm an alcoholic who recently relapsed for a day. The following week I had tremendous urges to drink again, even though I really did not want to. I know this is a little bit different, but I think cutting yourself is probably an addiction too (right?). Anyway, to get through the urges, I talked, talked, and talked more on the phone with my sponsor. I would check in with her at certain (specified) times during the day to let her know how I was doing. I went to AA meetings, and after, if I still felt like drinking, she took me to the diner. The point is, to have someone who can help you get through it a minute, hour, or day at a time. The urges do pass. And like MJ said, get some positive thoughts going. Tell the committee in your head "thank you for sharing, now shut up!" and think of something beautiful (I'm using Spring right now myself). Have you tried meditation? It is certainly relaxing if nothing else. Good luck Tink, and let us know how you are 🙂

January 7, 2003
12:32 pm
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Tink: In reading about all this new therapy I'm going to be taking part in, it seems to have very good ideas about helping to stop SI. One of the things it mentions is when you feel that urge, instead of acting upon it, take a bunch of ice cubes and immerse your arms in them. Supposedly this will cause a lot of pain, but in a less harmful way. Or try drawing with red marker on your arm. This are just suggestions. I'm here for you Tink.

January 7, 2003
12:58 pm
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Hi Tinkerbe11.
Do as mj and gingerleigh said. Get rid of the instruments you use to harm yourself. I know how you feel, I used to be a "cutter", now my scars are fading away. These urges usually have a cause. If they are resurfacing, you should talk to your therapist/family/friends and get to the bottom of it.
Sometimes, it's about control. Maybe there's something happening that makes you feel helpless right now?
Hugs.

January 7, 2003
2:24 pm
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I sort of know what you mean. I accidently gave myself a nasty papercut yesterday. All last night I kept messing with the wound. Peeling it apart and sticking a pin into it. Constantly giving myself a jolt of pain. The finger is all red and looks a bit infected this morning. Afternoon actually. Damn. Where did my day go?

This is really shitty advice, but if you've got to do it, don't make big noticeable scars. It's the little things that always cause the most pain.

January 8, 2003
8:17 am
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Tinkerbe11 hang in there!
What helps for me is to ride bikes and I mean fast and hard.

Tinker things will be ok, they always are....

January 8, 2003
11:04 am
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Well, thanx everyone.mj.I read this last night, but didn't feel like I could reply. I put the sharp things away, so I couldn't see them, although I knew where they were.This wasn't such a good idea, I 'found' them again.

Ginger.I dont have any family members who I can talk to about how I feel.I just cant talk to tem like that.I'm at school half of each day, but its the spaces between...

Onedayatatime.Hi.Yes, I think cutting is an addiction, thats why its so hard to stop once you've started.Perhaps someone should start up CA,Cutters annoymous.Does AA help you?I haven't tried meditation, although I am due to start Pilates pretty soon.Hopefully this may help.

Cloud, ok thats a good idea,ice cubes.Hard, but worth a try.I end up giving uo trying to use other method distracting myself.I try...

Silence, its not shitty advice.Anyone who says anything or listens is a big help..Thanx.

Angie, I think working out does help me too.

January 14, 2003
2:26 pm
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Tinkerbell,

I'm rooting for you. Can you think of anything else to do, when you're about to cut?

Do something that you like to do more, than cutting yourself? Find some new digs to just break the habit. You say its like an addiction. So I'll tell you what I did when I stopped smoking. I did a lot of jogging, and I did some sculpting whith kiddies clay, just to keep the fingers busy. And I tried to figure out, what it was that I got from smoking and tried to figure out if I really "got" what I thought I got. It was a good excuse at work for taking a break - now I learned better to notice when I need a break, and when I need one, I take one. I started to run down to the river and feed the ducks for my five minute cigarette break. I also thought that I needed the cigarettes to get my mind going, to really think about things. But when I watched me closer, smoking only made my ming go faster, not more effective and it created 'fake' stress. I still think better when I'm under stress, though (but I can have enough stress whithout cigarettes)....

And so on. Don't know if you can make any sense of what I'm trying to paint out here? Maybe you can find some thoughts or ideas for your problem.

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