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I really need advice pls....
March 2, 2000
4:15 pm
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oldmaid
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Hip hip hoorah!!!

Yup yer ight Broc...she's got it by george
j-

March 3, 2000
7:56 am
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Tipsy
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It's interesting to read this thread because it makes me feel ok, like everything will be alright and there are loads of us struggling to do the best thing for ourselves, not alone and lonely after all. In fact it's all quite exciting!!

March 3, 2000
10:47 am
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oldmaid
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Tipsy...I agree...I have been feeling better and better and now see how I need to work!

Janes..

The old maid was a mistake.I'm at my work computer.

March 3, 2000
8:06 pm
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BROC
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Tipsy,

You got it. You will figure out after even more time here that in fact the majority, if not more, are struggling. Not with just normal life ups and downs, but with issues. There are very few really healthy people out there.

Think about it. Make a list folks. Write down everyone you know. EVERYONE. Now, next to their names, write down how many times they have been divorced. The single ones, how many breakups (rel. over a year or so. those are JUST LIKE divorces!)

Now, how many healthy rel. do you see. Probalby not many. Most are not.

So, we are the minority folks. Keep on working. Or, go back to the old way that didn't work. Its your choice.

Broc

March 4, 2000
2:21 am
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winter001
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hey guys i took one step further yesterday, i'm not much of an Oprah fan, but the TV was on and i heard some guy talking about life and there being no such thing as tragedy, that we really have to embrace everything that happens and act as if it is inevitable and for a reason. as much as , (and I owe Broc more than you can understand because my courage to look and see has come from his support)I've realized how off track my actions and relationships have been, and all the forward progress i feel i've made, i still felt hard done by, I felt like a victim and i was angry that I am this way - why can't things be simple .why can't I be normal-

but listening to those few words made me realize that i really am not a victim, i may have been, at some point before I knew, before really i had any controle over it. but i'm certainly not a victim anymore, I have as much controle over my own happyness now as any normal person, xcept that when i'm in a healthy happy relationship, I will know how i got there, and i think there will be a part of me that will always be really proud of me because i will have done it.

Like Broc said in his last post, everyone has their problems, if they don't know about them it's because they deny them. what we are dosn't make us any less deserving of happiness but we have to work for it just like everyone else. some will some wont.

March 4, 2000
2:35 am
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winter001
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Alison, one more thing, I did write a reply to your post but it seams to have gone missing. I want you know that you have a freind in South Africa if you need one. Make a decision that makes you happy, what ever it is, don't do it for anybody else. -I think you know you are still going to be co-dep when you get here and the problem is still going to be there, but making a decision to live where you want to live is already a step in the right direction

March 4, 2000
7:55 am
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janes
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We are vicitms when we allow the bad things to go on and on with a poor me, nobody loves me attitude and then go back for more shit.

Pople can try to victimize us but we CAN say NO and leave or set firm boundaries etc. easy to type..hard to do.

But we have to make our own choices even if others don't like them. IF they are "wrong" for us it's just a matter of changing something i our lives.

Esch situation we find ourselves in can be a lerning experience if we are open to them as such.

March 5, 2000
12:12 am
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BROC
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Winter,

Happy to see I was of some help. YOu are right on track. Now, stay on it. YOu will be tested, believe me. The dark side will always have the power to pull you back. It is after all why so many go back. Because its comfortable, or so we think. Comfortable in the fact that the pain, even though it is pain, is a FAMILIAR pain. The pain of change is as bad, but is made worse by the unknown. The fear. Read Dear Brenda. You can see her pain, even feel it. You can't imagaine what person wouldn't just fucking leave. But then you stop and think, its plain old fear. Once you get past the fear, whatever fear or fears it is, life then takes on a whole new meaning.

love to all,
B-

March 7, 2000
10:06 am
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les1
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Thank you winter and everyone. Thank you winter for your kind words and i would really love to meet you when i come home to SA which will be in abuot 3 weeks time. If you have an email address please let me have it, as i would like to contact you if i may. I know it is going to be hard but i have to do this for myself. I know i will also still be co-dep when I come home, but maybe also dealing with it where the source came from will help me to overcome this and also in the process hurt the least people.

I realise now that from what you have said winter is that no matter how far away i am i will always be the victim unless i change that now before i go and even though it may hurt him and cause him to plunge further into a drunken stupor it will not be my fault as he drank before he met me, while he was with me and still is now and tries to blame this on me and the fact that he cant trust me because i left and met michael, and have tried to remain friends with micheal because he is the sanity in my life. I know i am not to blame for his actions or his drinking and his behaviour is his choice and i do not have to copy it or have it affect me. I do know i need to care for me and my happiness as i do deserve it.

March 7, 2000
1:07 pm
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BROC
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les1,

Catch me up. DOes this mean your leaving Mick?

B-

March 9, 2000
12:45 am
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winter001
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your not a victim anymore, you now have the means to change the way things are, if you don't change then you've chosen what you get. no one else has any controle over wether you end up happy or sad. one of the things i learnt is that on the surface I believed I was OK, I believed that I should take care of myself and that I deserved to be happy. I didn't know that I had low self esteem, because it was subconciouse and for me I have to constantly watch my own behaviour because its gonna take time to change what i feel about myself subconciously. so I was saying I wouldn't ever let anyone treat me badly to the world but then I would treat everyone around me as if they were superior to me. I know you've made that decision to take care of yourself, but be carefull of your subconciouse! The first time I realized was when I decided to stop "being his everyhting - everything!". and my first thought was if i'm not like that people wont want me around, wont like me, the only reason they do is because i make myself indispencible. - pathetic! but deep down thats what i believed. try and be aware of what your subconciouse is telling your conciouse!because mostly thats what you project to other people. my e-mail address is [email protected] . good luck, let me know how it goes!

March 9, 2000
2:03 am
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BROC
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WInter,

Great advice!

B-
May even email you sometime if thats ok?!

March 10, 2000
1:11 pm
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winter001
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Sure Broc, Love to hear from you!

March 17, 2000
7:31 am
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andre
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life is way too short.

you are entitled to be happy.

Aren't you way to tired for dumb games
and endless words?

the two hardest questions:

1. what do you want?
2. what do you feel?

your good name and personal integrity is all you have

somedays I can't wake up

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