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I Really Didn't Know!
November 2, 1999
7:38 pm
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whyme
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September 30, 2010
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my daughter was sexually abused by her father from 6 and 16 and i never knew. why didn't i know? well, maybe because he taught her to hide it from me! maybe because he was very clever and she was brainwashed to hate me and to think of her father as her "husband." yes, it's sick! i do so wish i had known, but i didn't know. so why do mothers always get blamed? why does everyone say "sure she knew, but she wanted to protect her husband." baloney! i would have stomped on his head if i had known. i am so tired of everyone, even professionals, blaming mom for being stupid or selfish when the real culprit is dad! i was a good mother. my daughter was the smartest child in her classes at school. she was loved and her needs were attended to. i had no way of knowing what was going on at midnight or when i was out of the house! i was not happily married, but i stayed with that man for fifteen years because i thought it was the right thing to do for my children. imagine that! i read a book by john bradshaw recently that stated (i'm paraphrasing) "don't believe mothers when they say they didn't know. they choose not to take action and are culpable." isn't it bad enough that my most important treasure in life, my daughter, was so terribly abused without the whole world blaming ME for it?

November 2, 1999
7:46 pm
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Cici
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September 24, 2010
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It is difficult for you to deal with this trauma, as it is difficult for your daughter. The important thing at this time is to NOT be defensive. Regardless of what others think of you, it is only important what you think of you and what your daughter needs.

There is a lot of complexity involved in this situation. I won't hesitate to say that you might have subconsciously reufsed to see what was going on because it was so horrendous to you. But regardless of whether you were aware or not, the most important thing at this time is to establish your daughter's well being.

November 3, 1999
8:00 am
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Brittainy
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Hi Whyme. Please do not blame yourself, my Father abused me for years and my Mother knew nothing about it. Maybe you can talk to your daughter about what happened, maybe she will open up to you. Good luck. I am thinking about you.

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