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I put up an online profile
October 5, 2008
10:32 pm
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fantas
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Hello all,
I thought, what the heck, I will give this another shot. It's a Faith affiliated site and almost everyone on it is of my Faith but that doesn't necessarily eliminate all the psychos. Anyway, I wont do anything major before checking in with you all, so I can get an onjective view. Let's see how it works out. Amazing part is I feel totally ready to go on a date. It has taked several years but I feel ready. Even the M word doesn't sound so scary anymore!!! Thank you all so much!

October 5, 2008
10:34 pm
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lostagain27
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(((fantas)))

I think that is great! If you feel like you are ready then you are ready. Good luck with it and be very careful!!!

Lost

October 5, 2008
10:53 pm
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fantas
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Lost, Thank you for you encouragement!! Will keep everyone posted..

October 6, 2008
9:08 am
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CAMER
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good for you fantas...just take things sllllooooow on this internet site & watch out for any red flags or what not ................have fun!

October 6, 2008
9:23 am
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It No Longer Matters
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It is so funny to find this this morning. I have had a rough weekend and cried most of it but this mornin on my way to work I was talking to my friend M, whose car is going into the shop and her husband is out of town. They now have a child in college and money is tighter. She doesn't want to spend the money on a rental. I thought, hmmm I have my dad's truck you can drive that...then that led to me saying I was some Redneck Bubba's Dream Girl. I have my own truck, my own trailer, a boat, and POWER TOOLS. We started laughing about that and she said she wanted to write a personal ad for me in a local "chatty" magazine. From there we started talking about me getting a Match dot com account..."Since obviously I am no good at picking men for myself you will be vetted by a committee of my friends. RS has known me since 3rd grade, M has known me since 1999 and we have raised our children together, and A is just damned picky...should you make it through the committee process you may be eligable for an adult prize..."

Anyway good luck with your profile and I like the idea of it being based on your faith...one obstacle down...

Bitsy

October 6, 2008
9:26 am
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CantTakeIt
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..."Since obviously I am no good at picking men for myself you will be vetted by a committee of my friends. RS has known me since 3rd grade, M has known me since 1999 and we have raised our children together, and A is just damned picky...should you make it through the committee process you may be eligable for an adult prize..."

LOL

October 6, 2008
4:10 pm
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StronginHim77
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Fantas -

Good for you...breaking out of the isolation! I tried a "faith-based" site (heck...tried TWO of them) and found the same number of whacko's, as on the NON-faith-based sites. However, they had to "pretend" to accept higher moral standards because they claimed to share that faith's values. Oh well...

Found my ex-N-husband on one of them. He is claiming to share my faith. Hilarious. Truth? He openly mocked my faith. However, there he is on the faith-based site, trolling for fresh prey...

So, do be careful. You have good radar. You know the red flags. Pay good attention to them. You just might find someone reasonably human and worthwhile to socialize with or even date. I wish you well.

- Ma Strong

October 6, 2008
11:18 pm
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readyforachange
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fantas...congratulations on taking the big leap into the dating world.

I met my current BF online. We've been together 11 months. I will say I dated for over a year before finding him, but he was worth the wait.

My advice...don't give out your address or any "home" phone numbers that can be tracked. It is too easy to find someone just with a phone number. Yellow pages.com will give you an address, a satellite view of the house, and detailed directions to get there just by entering someone's phone number. So, be careful to only use the dating website or a cell phone number to make arrangements. Meet in a public place with plenty of people around. I made sure I followed these guidelines for quite a while with ANYONE I met online....no one ever knew where I lived or my phone number unless they stuck around for a month or more, and I didn't see any major red flags.

I wish you well....let us know how it goes!

October 7, 2008
12:47 am
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fantas
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Thank you all so much for reading and encouraging me. I know I'm not alone and that really puts wind in my tail 🙂

(((Camer))), I will definitelly take things very slow. I will not be making any decisions alone anymore. I have all of you guys.

(((Bitsy))), You sound like a fun loving sorta girl. Give it a shot and see how well your friends really know you. It could be fun and make for great laughter.

(((Ma))), One of the reason I wanted to do this is to see if my energy has changed after all the work I have done. If the knuckle heads start popping up, I will know it's not time yet. I will keep you posted.

(((Ready))), That's encouraging that you met a great person online. I do not even give them an e-mail with my name on it. I use a ghost address. My ex stalked me physically and electronically and that really opened my eyes.

October 7, 2008
12:51 pm
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Fruitloop
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Good for you Fantas! Its nice to see someone taking the 'leap'. I've been in 'recovery' for 9 months and not dating for 7 mths, I'm not ready for it yet but hope I'm as brave as you when the time comes.
Be careful with the faith based sites though, it seems easier for the bad ones to hide there because they are automatically thought of as 'Godly'. I've met men anyway you can think of and nothing is fool-proof, but I think if we are emotionally healthy we'll be able to spot them sooner. At least thats what I'm working on. I wish you all the best!

October 7, 2008
5:37 pm
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AQueen
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Cell phones can be tracked as well. Your best bet is to invest in a cheap pay-as-you-go phone to use when dealing with people you meet off the internet. You can purchase a pay-as-you-go from Target, AT&T phone stores. They cost as little as $25 to purchase and the money spent on talk time is pretty reasonable and it's SOOOOOOOOOOO much safer than using your cell phone and running the risk of getting stalked. It costs so much to rebuild your life after dealing with a stalker so it's cheaper to avoid it all together by paying attention to red flags, listen when men talk to you about themselves. A funny man will tell funny stories about himself, a man with anger issues will talk about getting into fights with others. A woman hater will talk about how women have repeatedly wronged him. A manipulative man will figure out what you like and tune into your needs and transform himself into the man you are looking for. A dangerous man will tell you things like, "you don't really know me" or "you don't know what you are getting yourself into".

Always meet in a public place and ALWAYS tell someone where you are going. Call a friend or family member and tell them exactly where you going to be. If they are not available then leave a message on their phone and leave a note inside your house in case of an emergency. Just be careful and cover all of your bases. Don't be too trusting and do not give out too much info. Be leary of men that just want to get a bunch of info and pic's of you yet never want to meet. Men like that are just using your pic's to get off on sadly enough.

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