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I NEVER TOLD ANYONE UNTIL NOW......
July 2, 2009
7:58 pm
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blkbutterfly
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I am 22 yrs old now. I am in the Army, going back to school and just trying to get my life on the right tracks. I have been molested as a child from the age of 5 until I was 12 years old, by 4 different men. In which I knew......Back in March of this year I started experiencing bad anxiety and panic attacks. I notice I was jumping in my sleep and honestly....with embarrassement, I have urinated on myself in my sleep without even knowing. I didn't know what was going on with me. But I thought about it. I bottled up all the pain and suffering from my abuse and never said a word. Now, it's trying to come out and it hurts like hell. I am so scared and in so much pain right now. I have seen a social worker and a psychiatrist but there isn't anything working. Can someone please give me some advice????

July 2, 2009
9:29 pm
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Anonymous
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Dear Blkbutterfly:

Your admission on this site is a very courageous step. And also an acknowledgment that you want and need help. You can find the right help and feel better.

I am sorry that you are suffering and that you were victimized as a child.

You need to find a therapist who has experience in treating survivors of sexual abuse. Perhaps the army can refer you some to some skilled doctors. In conjunction with therapy, support groups with other survivors can be very helpful.

In the meantime, if you are suffering from depression and anxiety, meds can help you cope. I think you should also get a physical and make sure the incontinence is not a medical issue and to also check for STDs.

The book "Courage to Heal" may also be helpful to you but you may want to read it with a support group. It can be overwhelming to a survivor.

You can also search the threads using the search button at the top of the threads. There is a lot of discussion about sexual abuse.

Good for you for going back to school and getting your life together. You deserve to be happy and you can be.

This site is anonymous for the safety of everyone. Preserve your anonymity and be aware that contacting posters offline is against guidelines.

Moon & Stars

July 2, 2009
9:53 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Oh sweetheart I am so sorry I also suffered sexual abuse from a very young age until I was about 12. It does hurt but with a lot of work you can get through this. Its time to let it out and talk about it cause hiding it or pretending it didnt happen only makes things worse (I know I have done this) There is a book that I loved called "the Wounded heart" It is christian based but it helped me a lot. Please please write us more. ((((blkbutterfly)))))

July 2, 2009
11:17 pm
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PaleBlueSky
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Blkbutterfly,

I am so sorry that this happened to you, I to was abused as a child and have never delt with it and now I am trying to and it is very very hard for me.

I am going to see a therapist for the very first time in my life to try to help me through these tough issues and try to let them go and move on with my life. It has been consuming far to much of my time and energy. I am just tired at this point over all this resentment and fear.

I know there is help out there for us victims, we just have to take the right steps to find it, which I believe you and I have both done by asking for help.

Please keep posting you are in my thoughts....you will get through this as I believe I will too....

((blkbutterfly))

July 2, 2009
11:44 pm
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PaleBlueSky
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I just want to say that I know many of us have taken the right steps to help us work through our issues and this site, well it calms me personally, knowing that I am not alone.

Thank you everyone for sharing ((((EVERYONE))))

July 3, 2009
7:13 am
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Anonymous
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Palebluesky:

You are on the right path in your journey toward healing. Definitely, you are NOT alone.

Glad you are here! Keep moving toward the light.

Such a pretty name 🙂

Moon & Stars

July 3, 2009
10:52 am
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ilojocuer
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Blkbutterfly-

Coming on here and getting your feelings out is a pivotal step and it's great that you've had the strength to do so.

((Blkbutterfly))

-Ilo.

July 4, 2009
9:32 am
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blkbutterfly
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Thank you everyone for your support. I have been stuck in a corner for a long time. I am doing the best I can to get help. I even started reading some of the books you all have advised me to read. I am not going to get better overnight but I believe I soon will be free of suffering.

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