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I never know where I am with her, or what is coming next?
December 30, 2005
7:13 pm
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lewis
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hi perhaps someone can offer me aome advice.
I am concerned about my sister. she suffers with depression and I have watched her over the last year deteriorate mentally and physically. I have done my most to help, yet recently I feel that I have had enough, which makes me sound hard, but sometimes her behaviour confuses me as it dosn't always make sence, and then I wonder I am I making more of this situation?

She can be very down and takes sleeping pills so that she dosen't have to face the day. and then sometimes she can be high and seems excitable and abit silly?

I don't know what is going on?

December 30, 2005
8:05 pm
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Shaney
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Without having any credentials to make any kind of accurate diagnosis - she sounds bipolar. Do some research about those with bipolar personality disorder, and see if it fits. There are plenty of people on this board who suffer from being bipolar, and those who are spouses or family members of someonw who is bipolar - I think you can get a perspective from all sides. Good luck - and hang in there. My bf suffers from depression and anxiety - it's not easy, to put it mildly. It's a constant guessing game for me - what can I say, how can I say it, will it rock the boat, don't my feelings matter too, am I pushing too hard, do i expect too much, how much is too much, why can't they just get a grip, what can I do? All of these things go through my mind at some time or another, depending on whether he is having a good day or a bad day. I'm walking on eggshells constantly, even though all I try to do is help. It's frustrating, but at a certain point you have to realize that you can control this person's actions or emotions, and you also can't control the consequences due to these actions. You can only take care of you, and control you. It's a hard position to take, but all you can offer is support, not a solution. Good luck. Reach out to others on this site by creating a thread that asks specifically about living with someone who is bipolar. I think you'll be surprised at the response. Take care - Shaney

December 31, 2005
6:24 am
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lewis
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Thanks Shaney

I really feel like I've had enough of her, which then cause's me to feel bad about me??? I have thought she is bipola, she has always suffered with something like that in her life, but she never really admits it to herself and gets the help.

What really does make me so angry is she uses me and seems to not give a dam about anybody but herself? What I am struggling with is, is this bipola or is she just a selfish person?

I will take your advice and create another thread.

Thanks 😉

December 31, 2005
8:46 am
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taj64
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She sounds bipolar and also narcissist (selfish) or tendencies anyway. My ex was both of these. I now feel used by him.

December 31, 2005
3:06 pm
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lost and found
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lewis, the best defense for you is to learn to set boundries for your sister. what you are willing and not willing to take from her. everything you say speaks strongly of bipolar. but it doesn't really matter. it is bothering you, not her. if u have to, see a therapist for yourself and get a book on boundries and learn how to protect yourself. i'm sorry this hurts you so much. lost

January 1, 2006
6:12 am
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lewis
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thanks for the advice, I think it has been a long journey, and I'm comimg to that point where I have to get off and get on a new road, she seems to be able to drag you into her world and then leaves you high and dry without any consideration to the mess she causes and leaves behind.

I can wish all i like, but it won't change any thing, I can stay here I pretend things are ok really, or I can decide to be truthful and say, there is nothing I can do, the best thing is to take a step back, I just find it hard because we live so close, I see her everyday, and she thinks nothing about knocking on my door when she is down, its as if she becomes your responsibilty, she gives her self to u? I don't know if this is clear, but she will come round in the day when she has taken a sleeping pill so that she has someone there to look after her, regardless of what I'm doing?
I think what I really want to do is vent and say how unfair my life seems sometimes.

January 1, 2006
11:25 pm
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camra
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lewis, how about unloading on her sometime, call her up say you need her to help you with something. Have you given her a chance to help you? or do you always just seem to think she is the one who needs all the help?

Im just wondering????

but however GODbless you for always being there for your sister..

camra

January 2, 2006
6:53 am
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lewis
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thanks camra 🙂

she can't take other peopl's crap, she tends to be full of her own, i do try to tell her but i have to be careful, she can take the funnies and not speak to you for wks. I try to keep the peace around me I hate agro.

The best thing I can do is gently let go, I'm tired.

January 2, 2006
11:10 am
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addicts wife
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Lewis, I know how gutwrenching this can be for any/everyone involved, but her self medicating, an not getting professional help is quite self defeating, and most likey addingto the moods swings that bipolar/clinically depressed folks go through.
perhaps a kind of intervention will help get her properly evaluated and set up with the proper care, and meds she needs, with therapy.
I had a very close friend who is bipolar, and she is also an alcoholic, who self medicated wiht alcohol ( a depressant)) and caused her to be very vvery self destructive. it was soo painful to watch, and see her this way.
She has finally restarted therapy, her meds and has been doing that and AA now for like 3 years, and is now functioning quite well, is in a great job, and basically a new improved person that you wouldnt recognise, in comparisson to the jekyl, and Ms. hyde id witnessed prior. She also used a lotof sleeping pills and oher prescription pills she got illegally to continue the cycle.
I think you can call some kind of crisis prevention hotlines to set up a proper intervwntion perhaps with other family members and friends.but ultimatley her getting help has to be up to her accepting, and WANTING it.

January 2, 2006
2:44 pm
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lewis
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Hi addicts wife you said 'but ultimatley her getting help has to be up to her accepting, and WANTING it. '

thats it! i can't do anything untill his happens, I have been to her doctors with her and he just looked at me as if I shouldn't be there! Also she is VERY good at putting the other face on. when she asks for the help, I will be there. Once she said to me, that if anything happens to her, and she goes mad and they take her away, would I promise never to let them do electric shock treatment on her! And of course I promised. So somewhere inside she knows something isn't right. This is a lifetime of practise she has had, and we (family) help her to perfect this behaviour. Sometimes you have to let them fall so that they can rise again.

Thanks for your advise it really does help. I can get really stressed about it sometimes.

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