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I NEED YOU'RE EXPERT ADVISE....AGAIN!
April 4, 2007
8:19 pm
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santino
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Hey all, hadn't much to report these last few days, the truth, my life has been pretty laid back. But like any good drama novel something always pops up. Like yesterday, "as Santino's world turns" šŸ™‚ I heard something very interesting.

You all know my story, my ex left me went back to her ex and moved to Texas, we started talking again, I ended it. In a nut shell.

Yesterday my co-worker says "hey someone called last night looking for *&%" (my ex's sister) Huh, my response didn't emply anything I just brushed it off, she was a very popular server, so I assumed it was one of her regulars looking to see if she still worked there.

Later in the evening my gereral manager says to me, "did you know that a group of servers saw &^% in the mall?" Now I became very curious...

Was she in town? Why would she be in town? And who was looking for her earlier in the day??

The last few times my ex and I spoke it was mainly about the sister. She had been battling a bout with anerexia and her parents were about to threatend to have her committed if she didn't seek help willingly.

Did the recent calls and sightings mean that she ran away and came back to L.A. again? I know I told my ex that I didn't think it was a good idea we talked anymore seeing it that she was involved with someone who I didn't care for. I wounder, if it was true why she didn't try to contact me? The truth I'm glad she didn't! I don't want this drama in my life again.

After all the trying to put one and one together I felt relieved. Not that this might be happening, but relieved that I wasn't involved it it!

My concern, (and this is where all of your expert advise comes to play) šŸ™‚ What do I do if either sister contacts me? I was here before last year and it was really hard! If I go back to work tomorrow and my ex calls and asks for my help what do I say?! Or if her sister comes back and inquires about her job, what do I say?!

I don't want this, I hope it's a bad rumor. But I know if she comes back to work, all the old memories will come back, they're identical! So it'll be like seeing and hearing my ex all over again!

Why can't this just go away!

April 5, 2007
6:42 am
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taj64
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ahhh Santino. Don't you think if you step into this scenario again, you will be caught up in this chaos. You are trying to recover from a very bad heartbreak. Let this sister handle her own life and if she is sick then she would need to help herself and those closest to her deal with her. You really cannot be concerned. I happen to think her sister keeps in touch for wrong reasons. I have you have pull in the restaurant and you are there to stay. It would not be good idea for the paths to cross again, at least not at this time. It is too soon for you. It will go away if you stay in no contact frame of mind, that includes your ex's sister because it keeps you tied to your ex, even from a distance. Keep going on the way you do. Give yourself time, allow it, and then when something comes up like this, it won't mean so much to you like it does now. It will go away, but you are in charge, not the ex's sister and not the ex. I hope you have a good day.

April 5, 2007
6:52 am
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CAMER
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hey Santino, take the expert advice of ((taj)) i "ditto" what she said, don't get mixed up again. Keep the no contact, keep your mind busy on better things in life and do give yourself time for you. (((camer)))

April 5, 2007
9:42 am
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santino
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I know you both are right. Again for their family's sake I hope it aint true. But like you both said, it's really out of my hands and none of my concern. Again though, if it is true, I just hope they both decide to leave me out of this. I just can't bare to hear either one of them in need. I know they are not here for me, and thats how I want it, no contact, I hope they do the same.

April 5, 2007
11:37 am
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lettingo
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Sant, even if "they" don't decide to leave you out of the situation, you can decide for yourself whether you want to or not. And even if they are in dire need, doesn't mean you are the only answer. I used to think that with my addict ex husband. It killed me having to give up rescuing or should I say enabling him. It would break my heart but to my big surprise he survived just fine without my help. I realized wow, I'm not God! Remember, you have choices in thie situation. Makes the ones that will benefit your emotional heatlh.

April 5, 2007
6:19 pm
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revelation
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What do you do? You maintain NO CONTACT.

I am really sorry for what your ex's sister is going through. And, I don't mean to sound callous here but...how is that your problem? Santino, from what I know of your story, you have given this girl AND her family enough....you shouldn't feel guilty about not giving anymore.

One thing though...if you DO give help. Don't expect anything in return. Nothing Nada Zilch!

Rev.

April 5, 2007
8:12 pm
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santino
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I really enjoy posting here, I've been posting here sinse last July and I continue to get awesome feedback that I'm gratefull to hear.

The truth is I read back this thread and I almost felt embarrassed having written it.

If it's true, I know how this story pans out, I get heavily involved and it ends and I'm back where I started, confused, hurt and alone. NO THANKS!!

As much as I like to help old friends, these are old friends who don't have me in their best interest. I see that now, the sister? She wanted to stay friends and keep in touch? Shes been gone for six months and hasn't contacted me once! The ex? If she contacts me looking for help, the picture will be clear, she only seeks my help when she needs something. Well, what about me! I DON'T THINK SO! THIS PUPPET WONT DANCE FOR THIS FAMILY ANYMORE. Last time we spoke I ended contact, and wished them the best and I still mean it. Thanks all for the advise. šŸ™‚

April 5, 2007
9:07 pm
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taj64
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Why are you embarrassed? When you wrote, I thought, that sounds like something I would do. But since we are friends and a friend would sometimes see what you don't from afar, a friend would reach out and tell you what they think. If, and big if, these are your true friends, why aren't they calling YOU and asking how you are, how you are doing, no matter what situation you are in. It is always about them, about their problems or possibly dare I say to seek your good nature, or to get 411. Yeah I say what about you!!! They see it somewhat but enough to really appreciate it. Others see it. Others appreciate it. You shine like a pretty penny.

April 5, 2007
9:08 pm
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taj64
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I meant those friends see it somewhat but NOT enough to appreciate it. Missed a word in my sentence.

April 6, 2007
1:59 am
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santino
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Hello Taj: embarrassed that I allowed myself to mentally get involved in it. Embarrassed that I allowed myself to began to worry about what might or might not be happening. I wish I didn't care about these people. I fear as long as I have connections to this restaurant they will forever be on peoples lips. People bring up these girls to me at least 2 or 3 times a week. I get sick of it. I can't even tell these people to drop it cause than they know something was going on between us and in my position thats not allowed.(manager, employee relations)

April 6, 2007
2:13 am
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santino
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THIS MIGHT NOT EVEN BE FUCKING HAPPENING!! I DON'T KNOW WHY I POUNDER ON THINGS I DON'T EVEN KNOW TO BE TRUE!!! I HATE WHEN I DO THIS, I HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM!!! I CALL IT SANTINO PERANOIA!(TYPO) THIS WAY OF THINKING NEEDS TO STOP!!! SORRY FOR THE PROFANITY ALL, JUST HAD TO THROUGH THAT IN. šŸ™‚

April 6, 2007
7:17 am
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revelation
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Santino,

Please try not to be so angry with yourself.

You see its somewhat of a viscious circle. You slap yourself on the wrist and say "NOT good enough Santino" which of course ingrains that feeling of low self-worth into your head, then a woman comes along and sees that you will bend over backwards to please and she uses it to her advantage. There is nothing wrong with being a kind helpful person. But, us co-deps tend to do it just because we want to be loved....the trick is to break the cycle. You have not done anything wrong, you may be obsessing a little, but thats an easy one to solve, you just say STOP to yourself when that happens and you start thinking about yourself instead. Plan something for yourself...at the moment I am on a health kick, its sunny and I'm going on a nice long walk...by June I hope to have a killer pair of pins in order to look great in a short skirt....thats MY plan, thats what I'm thinking of, you find when you think about YOU the ex starts to fade into the past...a distant memory!

I wasn't ggoing to write about an incident that occured last week...simply because I felt it wasn't an mportant enough event in my lfe to write about.

But I was walking in the park one morning, when my ex stopped me and asked "uh can we talk" I just didn't even stop walking and said as I passed "I have nothing to talk about"....and then I just went on my merry way.

April 6, 2007
10:05 am
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risingfromtheashes
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santino,

when my ex-ex broke up with his GF, I knew damn well he was going to call.

and I spent a good amount of time anticipating what to say, how to say it, and what his thoughts and feelings were.

it was a total waste of time.

he did contact me...and I got caught up in the drama.

and some good DID come out of it.

but in the end, I got all worked up for nothing.

reactions are a choice...you control it.

if you want them out of your life, choose it.

if you feel getting a new job would help...go for it.

but i agree with others here that you are constantly beating yourself up for being who you are and doing what you think you need to do...and not doing it perfectly.

I think you spend more time kicking yourself for even thinking of her...instead of accepting that it's going to happen and just letting it, then moving on from it.

there are many people out there that will kick us when we are down...why do we have to keep kicking ourselves?

April 6, 2007
11:05 am
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santino
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Rev:thanks for the response, way to go on the walk on!!! I hope to be that strong! šŸ™‚

Rising: your right. I'm a kicker. I kick myself for thinking about her, I kick myself for things I did and didn't do. It just seems that I always have regrets. My life is a session of I should have done that or I shouldn't have done that.

You know something funny I keep saying I want to move on and I don't want them contacting me and the truth is, they haven't contacted me, they're long gone and the only one that seems to be scared of contact is me?

April 7, 2007
3:36 pm
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CAMER
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((hope today is a good day for you, Santino)))))

April 7, 2007
4:05 pm
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santino
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Thanks Camer, so far so good. Woke up early this morning, got a hair cut, went shopping for some gym clothes, renewed my Bally's Total Fitness Card, went to the market and bought some healthy food. Starting Tomorrow I will began my "healthy Days" I will cut back on my alcohol intake šŸ™‚ and seriously cut back on my latenight eating and eating junk food. I'm not over weight or anything, I just feel better when I'm doing these type of things. šŸ™‚

Thanks for asking, I hope all is well with you and all my friends at AAC! šŸ™‚

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