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I need your advice urgently please
February 28, 2005
12:44 pm
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inlove
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hi. i have been in a very serious relationship with a christian man for more than a year now, we see each other as 'the one we want to be with in the future'. we have never had sex, but came close a few times. for him, being a strong christian, any form of sexual contact with a woman isn't appropriate. as for me i have different morals and will do anything but have sex before marriage.
the problem is that no matter his morals, he cannot control himself when i'm around and he gets aroused, is there any way i can stop him from getting aroused so often?
Could someone explain where we are going wrong... and why this is a big issue for him please. i know he loves me with all that he is.

February 28, 2005
1:05 pm
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on my way
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My son was just talking to me about this yesterday...but he is only 20 yrs. old, and I am his mother...if I were in your situation it would be a different scenario as a mature adult.

But, and howevre what he and his girlfriend have done, is sit down and write their guidelines for what they will do and what they won't do. He struggles too. They also read a book together...The 10 Commandments of Dating together and talked about it. They both love God and put Him first in their lives..but my son struggles.

I really think that we as women need to set the tone for that, esp if you want to wait. He will get aroused it is normal I think, but if you keep on stating your thoughts...reality?...and I don't know how well that will go over with him...but he should respect you for that. Wow...a tough one, but if you are both Christians, then pray...EVERY day about it...sounds like he is having a more difficult time than you.

February 28, 2005
1:05 pm
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kathygy
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The only way I can think of to stop your boyfriend from getting aroused is to stop kissing him and stop hugging him. Stay 25 feet away from him. He has no control over getting aroused. It is very natural and human.

February 28, 2005
1:30 pm
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readyforachange
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my thought was that maybe you can avoid putting yourselves into situations that would lead to sex. Try to do things in public places, with other people. Talk to eachother about how you feel, ask him what gets him going, and try to avoid those things. I think talking openly and honestly will be the best thing. He is human, and you may not be doing anything to arouse him, it just happens. Think of a way to "de-escalate" when he gets aroused...and good luck to you!

February 28, 2005
1:45 pm
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inlove
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thank you very much for your responses.
to ON MY WAY...
we have our guidelines... we cannot do anything more than kiss and hug, which is another extreme, but it is what is required.
we talk about it frequently, and have made a lot of changes to our relationship since we met...
somehow, when he does get aroused he seems to not think with his brain... that is what he would need to overcome more than anything...
do you or your son have a solution for that?

March 2, 2005
12:58 pm
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on my way
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Men have two brains...:-)
I just happened upon this thread again..I will ask my son for you and get back to you in a day or 2, ok?

March 2, 2005
1:26 pm
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ShouldaaCouldaaWouldaa
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For a grown adult man to wait over a year to have sex with his girlfriend is a miracle from heaven in the first place 🙂

It sounds like you want to get married anyways, so why wait. This guy seems like a normal guy that gets aroused like any other guy would.

I agree with readyforachange, the only real way to avoid sex is not put your self in a situation where temptation could take over. Since your guy is a Christian, there belief is you can sin and ask God for forgiveness & be write back in good standing with God.

This may be why it's easier for your normal guy to give in to what is a natural desire of a man. It doesn't mean he's a bad guy, it just means he is a normal human being.

March 20, 2005
5:36 pm
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inlove
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hello again.
thank you once more for all your advice...
we have been sorting things out... regularly talking and not bringing up any situation that might lead us to doing 'wrong'.
any response from your son, on my way?

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