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i need to talk
July 23, 2003
6:40 pm
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its not that i need to talk, i just feel like i need to say what is happening to me to someone.

on may 20 i got into an argument with my guy and i decided to just go our separate ways. i tried to see him but i didnt, so i graduated on june 12 and i went on a trip to my country. i stayed in miami a total of 2 days. the day before going to cuba and the day we came back from cuba. cause i live all the way in san francisco. we didnt go straight to miami or to cuba from sf. anyways while i was in miami i checked my mail i had nothing from him so i said "good, am doing this, its good am healing" went to the trip, got back. when i come home, i see that in the messenger he added me, so we see each other like on the 4 day that i got back. he is like "damn, u dissappeared" and am like yeah and he is like "did u go to cuba" and am like yeah. so started talking, we got back. something happened and i think we broke up. we talked again and we got back.

last wednesday (16) i called him and we start talking and he talked to me at the end in this tone that was mean (he was mad)[but way in the begining i told him i didnt like people yelling at me, i cant stand it cause its like punishment, it hurts my feelings] he didnt yelled at me but he talked in a mean tone. i tell him u know what i dont wanna talk to u anymore. i went straight to cry after i hang up. i thought about it and i call him friday. and i tell him "we need to talk, i think we should break up and just be friends" hes hella begging. no no, dont do this, i cant live without u, am sorry about that, i didnt think it was gonna hurt u like that. dont leave me. bla bla bla. so i said, fine, we stay together but i aint going to forgive u. this past weekend i went to sacramento so i didnt see him.

ok, this another story. my friend and ihave gotten so close now. i called her once to her cell and somebody hung up on me without saying anything. its like u pick it up and u hang up. it was a long time ago. but someone did it last week, and i got so hurt and so mad. i was like "fuck it, i aint calling her no more. let her call me" i never heard from her until saturday. i tried explaining to her that i didnt hear from her and that i dont think she called me like she said she has. that nobody told me shit so i guess nobody has called me. and that i called her but someone hung up so i didnt call again. this and the thing before this had been building up inside me and yesterday i exploted.

i talk tot he guy yesterday i was really happy to see him. for some reason we start talking about porn. what we think of it and stuff.....ok. we got into an argument about that and i said u know what leave it like that. and he said, no no, i love u lisset, and am like how can u tell me all that shit and then tell me u love me. u dont love me, u dont, u dont u dont, and he got so mad, he is like fine leave it like that. do me a favor and erase me from ur list. and i said, i was just thinking of that. we stopped talking. my friend comes online and i start talking to her about what hurt me. about that person who hang up on me. and how i never heard from her before saturday. i call the guy and i got into an argument with this dude who lives in that house. that he was using the other line and that he keeps on hearing beep [cause its me calling 50 million times] he gets the phoena dn says "lisset? stop calling because theyre using the phone call tomorrow" and he hungs up. i swear to god i called him like 20 times. really. then i just gave up. he comes online and tells me "the guy said that u said to get a life" and i said "dude that guy is stupid, i told him to tell u to get online" and he is like "call me" "call me i wanna talk ont he phone not here." he said it like 5 times and i didnt reply an answer to that, then he is like "r u gonna call me?" and am like if u got something to say say it here. he got so pissed off he is like fine delete me again and bye. and thats the last i heard from him.

then i talked to my friend again and this calm down. but i was really on fire. i mean, when things happened with the guy i go to her. when things happen with friends i go to him. and like the two person i can count on did stuff this passed weak that i didnt tell nobody until yesterday. i was holding it to myself and now i cant anymore.

i dont know because withe the guy after a month of not knowing from him, i got stronger, i was healing.then i accepted him because i want to be with him and then that shit happens again and u start from scratch which is what am going right now. its hurting now. i been feeling liek shit since i told my friend what hurted me and since we r no longer together. i cant describe how ugly i look because of crying so much. i got my eyes so swollen.

to all who read this, am not looking for an answer, i am just looking for twenty minutes that i can feel am talking to u face to face and ur hearing what is happening to me. thats all. thank u for ur time.

July 23, 2003
6:46 pm
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Hiya- I'm here.

Did you know that Preparation H is great for puffy eyes? Seriously. It smells pretty bad, but if you put some on before ya go to sleep, it helps.

hang in there.

free

July 23, 2003
11:16 pm
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Hi Lisset,

I'm sorry to hear about all the struggles with you boyfriend. It seems like he is determined to keep on hurting you in the same ways over and over again.

I'm glad for you that you had some time when he could not cause you stress and you felt like you were beginning to heal. I hope that good feeling will stay with you, and that someday you will have it in your life permanently.

Hang tough!

Arwen

July 24, 2003
3:33 pm
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i dont know what he wants now, because yesterday he added me and i accepted him but i told him in a email [cause he wasnt online] that i wasnt going to take him back. that he has caused me a lot of damage. that we're only going to be friends. am tired of the fact that everytime i accept him in my life as a bf, something happens and i have to start again all sad from ZERO. i dont want that anymore. its about time that he realizes we're not for each other. i have, i just have to be strong and not fall back. am doing way better than yesterday and am glad!

July 24, 2003
11:19 pm
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Lisset,

Glad to hear you are doing better. I hope you are able to set a strong boundary with this guy and make sure he understands the new relationship you are trying to establish with him. He needs to understand that you are the one who decides what kind of relationship you will have, and that this is not under his control any longer. So when he tries to pressure you, hang even tougher. Pretty soon he'll learn that his old tricks don't work anymore, and you will discover that you have your power back.

Thinking about you.

Arwen

July 25, 2003
4:47 pm
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the last time we talked, when he told me to call him because he didnt want to talk by there. i basically said no. i went to sleep that night and i thought about everything and i kind of thought he was controling me. because he said "call me" and when he asked "r u going to call me?" and i said "tell me here what u want to say to me" he got mad and left. so i thought that was controling me. if i dont do something u want, u get mad and walk away?? [I THINK] he is sorry thats why he wants to talk to me. but who knows i may be wrong and just want to say more bad stuff.

thank you arwen.

July 26, 2003
12:45 pm
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lisset,

You are setting boundaries, and it takes hard work to do that. It shows that you believe in yourself. It is hard for your boyfriend so he will try to test the boundaries and see if you're going to drop them for him, or move them around to suit his taste a little bit better.

If you feel controlled, then listen to yourself. You know better than anyone what is alright and what isn't when it comes to your relationships. If you're going over-board, you'll figure that out when the time is right and adjust things to suit yourself better.

Maybe it's better, when your just starting to set boundaries, to be a little bit over protective of yourself. You deserve to have your own back, and I think you're doing a great job!!!

Love,

Arwen

July 26, 2003
11:36 pm
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am trying not to see him, i have him blocked, he doesnt know that, i could see when he is online without him seeing me. i dont think he has been online though. am not going to talk to him for a while, i wanna see how he feels without seeing me for a couple of days. a month ago, we spend a whole month without seeing, talking or knowing about each other. he told me he got drunk twice in his room trying not to think of me but in the end, he still did and he ended up crying. i just dont know...am glad and am not glad i havent seeing him. i am because its helping me get stronger, but i do wanna see him too.

July 27, 2003
1:21 am
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lisset,

There is value in you. He wants to be part of your life, but that comes with a price. You decide what your worth is. You are not a blue light special. You are not buy one, get one free. You don't come with any coupons. Full price. His respect for you will multiply exponentially once he earns the right to be in your life.

Arwen

July 28, 2003
2:03 am
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i havent heard from him in almost a week, its getting harder. i dont know why i miss him, why i think of him, why i hear songs about love and i think of him? am starting to fall apart 🙁

July 28, 2003
10:37 am
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Hi Lisset, please hang in there, it will get easier.

July 28, 2003
11:33 am
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My husband is an addict and he left yesterday to a program in Texas for 90 days and I am extremely sad and depressed. THough I know this is what he needed but it is a long way from home and we have 2 little girls and I am pregnant. I feel my self slipping into a depression and not eating. I just want to close my eyes and open them in 91 days when he returns.

July 28, 2003
4:23 pm
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at least u guys are married, no matter what ur going to see him.

i had the hardest time in sleeping last night, i am so stressed and its making my . not come. my parents r going to think am pregnant.

July 28, 2003
6:20 pm
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lisset, I know this is not what you want to hear, but you just graduated from high school, you have your whole life ahead of you, and look at what you are doing, stuck on some kid, and I use the word kid, because he sure isn't a man with his behaviors, or I doubt his age, to the point that you are physically effected ???? I want to ask you if this is really in your best interest, and if you can really see how this enhances your life and your future? How many threads have you read where women/girls got stuck on some guy, that left them broke, broken, crying, and the truth is they knew he was no good from the start, but they hung in there diverting their dreams and energy, money, time, faith, self esteem, yada yada. I say make a new life, with focus on you, do the 21 day detox, and see how much better you feel, get off the emotional rollar coaster, just say no to this game of evil love,and go out and meet some others. You are really to young, in my humble opinion to be so emeshed in one guy, please don't make the same mistakes that so many of us have made. Learn about you, what you want in your future, make a dream list, and plan on how to make them come true. Be independent, so that you don't take crap from people, especially men that you want as partners in your life, you are worth so much more than this drama.

August 1, 2003
1:26 am
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u were right, i didnt want to read that.

he called me yesterday. he actually remembered my birthday was yesterday. we talked, he cried a lot. he asked for another chance lots of time and i said no. to be just friends. at the end he said fine, happy birthday and he just stayed quiet. i said, ok fine. and today i told him, to be just friends, he still doesnt want to. i dont know what is going to happen to us. can u love somebody and not feel it in ur heart??? i stopped feeling it a long time ago but i know i love him. its weird and i told him yesterday and i dont know, i dont wanna hurt him, no matter what i say its hurting him.

August 1, 2003
1:29 am
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i feel so guilty and i dont know what to do to not make him feel this way. i miss him right now. in the past two hours i havent stop thinking about him.

August 1, 2003
2:13 pm
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Dear lisset,

I understand how hard this time is for you. I understand your guilt. I would just ask you to consider whether or not he gives your feelings as much thought and care as you are willing to give to him. To me, it seems like he makes himself the number one priority and that he expects you to do the same. That's not fair. If he wants to be first on your list, then you should be first on his.

I think right now you're on the right track by making yourself your number one priority. I don't believe you are responsible for his pain, and the guilt you feel doesn't belong to you. I think he hopes you will feel guilty because it shifts your focus from the unhappiness you have felt when you were with him, and makes you focus on his feelings instead.

I know it sucks, thinking about other people who post here, and that they are married and see their partners every day. At the same time, there are lots of people in these threads who would give anything to be free from the relationships they are in because they are not valued for who they are.

I think it's very cool that although you are young, you are here. You are thinking maturely about your life, and working hard to make good choices. Every single person born has the right to be happy. Whether or not we choose to enforce that right is what makes the difference!

Take care of YOU...

Love,

Arwen

August 3, 2003
5:14 pm
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he is the first on my list, and he says i am on his too. even before his parents. i doubt that somehow.

he lied to me about something, and i lie to him about something. and what a coincidence!! we lied to each other about the same sh*t. he didnt show me it hurted him that i lied about that. and i let him know that it hurted me that he lied. which is killing me inside. i am not sure if break up is what i want. i do but at the same time no.....

going to college. i see life is getting hella hard. i dont think i am a woman yet. even though i just celebrated my 18th birthday. i still feel like a little girl.

he called me on my birthday, he wanted to get back. at the end we did. i dont know. i feel like sometimes he exagerates or something. 20$ for a phone card and we only talked for a little bit more than an hour. we live in the same country for gods sake! id ont know.

i got problems at home. my mom told me two things that made me cry. my mom made me feel like she didnt care about me. like she ddint love me, like she was defending my brother. i started to cry. then i got into an argument with my dad, cause he threw away my mail. and i told him why did u, it doesn have ur name on it. why do u touch other peoples stuff. and he said well r u going to that thing? if ur going then pick it up. i started to cry again. then my mom knew tha ti being crying and she said "i hella have desires that u get married and go away, then u will see how hard life is" i started to cry agian. this all happened in less than 4 hours. yesterday night. i feel like sh*t and i look like sh*t. i feel so alone!!! i havent stop crying.

August 6, 2003
9:24 pm
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things got a lot better.

i decided on the break up and i havent had seen him. dont know y.

August 7, 2003
4:59 pm
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wow...ur strong...well stronger then me..if u read the thread ...Can I trust him again? you will find out my story....i was goin with my guy for 2 1/2 years and now he screwed up bigtime and i still love him a lot and want to be with him, but its to painful after what he put me thru...now we started on this whole let's just be friends topic...and i dont know what to do. I mean it could be a good thing, but i have couple of concerns about it, because i dont think I would be able not to want to be with him, if I see him and we hung out. I'm 23 and soo hooked, I am annoyed with myself and the fact that I am such a weak person when it comes to him. I hate it. Anyway...just wanted to let you know you're doing great, keep up the good work and decesions that will make U happy and I'm just hoping I can get as strong too someday...be good

August 7, 2003
8:21 pm
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u r wrong. i am not strong. i still cry. but am trying to be strong. ur bf screwed up, but that girl did too. i say, if they wanna be together, let it be. i am hooked too, and i am weak when it comes to him too. the bad thing u guys did was spend too much time with that other couple. but its ok, because if it didnt happen now, sooner or later it would have happened. i mean its not bad spending time with friends. but u know, u divide ur time: friends, family, bf or gf, be alone, ur chores and what u need to do. i get stronger the more time passes and i dont see him, cause in my mind he has forgotten about me, even if its not true. how will i know?

August 8, 2003
8:43 am
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i know we spent way too much time with them, I was telling them every day, I dont want to do this any longer....and about the two of them be together, my b/f and the girl....now they dont,they both say it was a mistake, but at the tie they couldn't help it...I don't get that, so whatever....I'm not sure if u read what my issue are now....if u read my thread you'll see where I stand.....thanx a lot for ur comments...and I hope you do get even stronger....and I hope I'll get there too someday....take care

August 9, 2003
1:41 am
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i read most of the the threads but only the beginning ones and last ones, i am a lazy reader, i read too fast sometime and i understand the opposite. ah and most of the times i dont say anything becasue i think my opinions suck.

August 14, 2003
9:23 am
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hey lisset...how are things going with you...I havent been checking the threads lately...I've been quite busy and things are kind of changing. I think I might've made a big mistake again, but not sure yet. I am not sure if you read it but him and I will be spending most of our weeks off together and afterwords we will see how are things and see if we will continue or just break it off 4good. Anyway, these past few days I made my decesion that I will leave him and break off all contacts with him. Yesterday I told him that I will be breaking up with him. He completely changed, he's all of a sudden concerned, started kissing me...he's not an affectionate person at all,but knowing that he has about 2 weeks with me..he didnt stop "pampering" me. It's driving me crazy now...he thought I culd never leave him and he knew I was never strong enough to tell him in person, but yestrday I did and it shocked the hell outa him. He said he cant belive I became as strong and he started crying that he never thought I could live him. I said well this is my decesion and I will stick with it, but we'll spend our vacation together and I want to make the best out of these next two weeks. I dont know if I messed up real bad by telling him my plans, because now he will try everything to try to change my mind or it's good because now I will have some good days with him.....confused again!!!

August 15, 2003
11:17 pm
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hey, am doing okay, i havent read, like i said i am a lazy reader. i dont even remember where u left on my story. we had a nice chat on sunday. then on wednesday we kinda got into this argument and he got tired of me and he broke up with me and i accepted it because i knew he would get tire of me someday, so i thought this is that someday. we said our goodbyes. 30 minutes later he comes and he tells me he is sorry, that he didnt mean what he said 30 minutes ago. that he was thinking what he is going to do now without me, and he didnt want to lose me. so we got back. we had a nice chat after that. i havent seem him and i hope i do soon.

now, lets talk about u. so u told him that u were going to leave him or u already left him. so, why r u guys still going to spend the weeks together then??? OORRRR didnt u say that u were going to spend time together and then make a decision after based on how it goes??? dont u love him? give him another try. why do u want to spend 2 weeks with him but not be bf and gf??? what would be the difference???

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