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I need some support
September 27, 2004
8:00 pm
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onemoretime
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Hello everyone,

I have a problem and I need some support for. Over the past 6 months I have been dating this guy who is addicted to crack. Every time I confront him, he lies and says that he's not smoking crack, but in fact, he is drinking. However, over the past 6 months, I tends to disappear on every payday for 2 or 3 days and when he returns, he has no money and is extremely tired and sleeps for hours and hours. Also, he constantly blames me for his actions. He says things like "if I don't do exactly what you want me to do, then I'm out using drugs, which I'm not." Also, I was married to a crack addict for 8 years so I'm very familiar with the patterns and behaviors. I haven't seen him smoke crack and he's only admitted to smoking crack 3 times since we've been together, but I know differently because this has been an ongoing problem since we've been dating. I finally decided to pull the plug and break up with him, but he continues to call me and say "I have a problem, but I can't believe you are turning your back on me." I'm not turning my back and just can't take the lies, deceitfulness, stress, and everything else that comes with drug abuse. I feel so bad for breaking up with him because I'm lonely and don't have anyone to talk to about what I'm feeling. If I continue down this path, then I'm hurting me and my 14 year old son. Can someone please give me some encouraging words and let me know that I've made the right decision by leaving him, because he refuses to get help for his problem. Also, he's a diabetic so I know he's a walking time bomb waiting to explode. Thanks in advance to everyone for their support and encouraging words.

September 27, 2004
8:09 pm
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Anonymous
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Hi onemoretime,

I believe you have made the right decision. You don't need this man in your life! You deserve a peaceful, happy life, not one with someone who is addicted, a liar, Etc... He needs to address his problems and get help. And pulling a guilt trip on you is typical behavoir from this type of person. Stick with your decision, and never think that this was your fault! I certainly would not put up with it, especially if there was a child involved!

Hugs,

Sunny

September 27, 2004
9:22 pm
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CAMER
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(((onemore)))) you did make the right decision!!!you know you can't fix him or change his behavior, he needs to do that on his own, and you also don't have to put up with his lies and his addictive behavior...if this is what 6 months of dating is like, image how a few years would be like?? Get out now, while the relationship is semi new...you are too good, and you know it to be with someone like that, and do this for your sake and your wonderful son's sake too!!! I am proud of you for walking away....(((hugs from Camer)))

September 27, 2004
11:09 pm
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Anonymous
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You made the right choice! Stay away from this man. He is a crack addict. You made a valuable point when you said he admitted to only smoking it three times. I've known a few crack addicts in my life and one of them was my aunt. You can never only do it three times. Once you use that drug you go on "missions" to get more. That is why he leaves for all those days and comes back to sleep. I remeber when my aynt used to come home from her missions to my mothers house. She would sleep the whole day, eat uo, and go back out.

You're right about him being a bad influence on your sons life. He is not the right role model for him. You're better off being a single parent than raising him with this man. Change you phone number, so that he can't call you any more. I know it hurts but you can do it and You know it's not right because if you didn't you wouldn't have said the things you did.
Luv,
Better life

September 28, 2004
8:22 am
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onemoretime
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Thank you for your encouraging words.

September 28, 2004
9:49 am
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jul
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Hey onemoretime, Addicts love to blame everyone else for their problems. They always find excuses for their using and their behavior. You could tell him that you'll be there for him if he pursues treatment, but will not be there if he continues to use. This way you won't be leaving him in his time of need and you won't be guilty if you are willing to support him if he gets help. But he has to want the help, and right now it sounds like he is big time denial. Typical addict stuff. You did the right thing here, you child should come first. And growing up with addicts is not fun. I lived it and it makes you have alot of issues with everything later on in life. Especially with codependency, and we all know that isn't a fun thing to deal with on a daily basis. You're ok, he's got the problem!

September 29, 2004
7:12 pm
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songbird
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I am new to this site, I just divorced my husband of 5 years. He was a crack addict/alcoholic. I feel your pain and feel a connection with anyone in a similiar situation. It has been almost 3 months. I cant believe you actually stayed in your first for 8 years and am so sorry you are going through it again. I experienced the lies along with the ugliness of the addiction and everything that goes with it . It about killed me. I believed everything he said and the guilt trips, oohhhh . "you are all I have"
blah blah. He expected me to put up with it. They dont just do it once, or 3 times. It is so addictive I hear and saw with my own eyes. It will end up affecting you relationship with your child because you become, well I will speak for myself, I became so focused on him, finding out the truth, my pain etc.etc. that it affected my relationships with family and friends. If you want to talk I am sure here to listen and share together. I am still in incredible pain and need someone who understands what I have been through also.
Songbird

September 29, 2004
7:15 pm
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songbird
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P.s.
sounds like you are familiar with the patterns and behavior and sound like to me exactly what you think. Trust your instincts, I know it is heartbreaking. That is exactly what my husband did every payday. You dont have to see it to know and if it keeps going you will eventually find out anyway.

songbird

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