Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
I need help
April 11, 2001
8:07 pm
Avatar
chibawa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi,

I am 16 and I began to realize that my father was addicted to porno. I would ask him to stop but he wouldn't, and found the pictures in the computer at the age of 13 he put them out and never deleted them, I would always delete them. My innocence was destroyed. I resulted in doing hanus sexual acts. Now, I feel abused, my father doesn't seem to know his affect on me. I am now depressed. I also am quite phobic of the doctor, and being naked there, is there a connection?

thanks,

Falled Angel

April 11, 2001
9:16 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am sure that there is some connection between the two. Where is your mother? Were the pictures of you? Since we know the difference betwen right and wrong, it is curious, as to your acting out in this way. Your fantasy of your fathers innocense should not have effected your morality. In the old days, our fathers read Playboy and such, we took it for granted that men read this material,we were curious, but I don't think many acted out. I wonder why you language your experimentation in the way that you have, almost like wanting punishment? Again, where is your mother, or female mentor? Have you spoke to a counselor?

April 11, 2001
10:29 pm
Avatar
chibawa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Molly,

I sometimes wonder that. But as soon as we got a computer porno was shown to me, at around 12. There was a past link called "15 minute show" not knowing what it was I clicked in, only to be shown disgusting images of people having sex, was this right for me to realize sex as that? No. Sex, now as they call it today, is no longer about love but plain and simple animalistic pleasures. When I was constanly bombarded by these images my father left behind, he slowly tore away my innocence and revealed to me that dirty work of sex. My mother is a pure being, she is a guiding light for me as I see her as innocent. I feel like my father has affected me because when seeing those images, they brought out disgusting fantasies, of acting out things a 13 should not have been doing. Curiousity took over and porno now bacame my addiction. I wished like my father did, to destroy innocence, which I did through experimentation. I blame the Internet, and my father for without them I would not feel this dirtiness, and a feeling of being visually assualted at a young age.

thanks,

boy

April 14, 2001
9:54 am
Avatar
Sal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

chibawa,
You were abused. Sexual abuse doesn't have to be physical to be completely devastating. I believe Molly is wrong about the damage done by those 'harmless' playboy magazines. Exposure to sex stuff early on colors our sexual world, and it is SO hard to let all that go and have a "normal" sex life. The fantasies, recurring thoughts, are seared into our brains. Your father should have been protecting you from such stuff, and instead he was the source of it.

There is help, and there is hope. Therapists trained to help the sexual abuse victim are also equipped to help you.

I'm sorry that your innocence was violated. I wish I could keep that from ever happening.

How old are you now?

April 14, 2001
7:54 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sal, I didn't get that the dad made him watch the stuff, but it was his own curiousness. That I do not consider to be abuse. parents have rights, and children should be supervised. We were not allowed to read playboy, but it was in the house, but of course no one told us we couldn't and yet we knew they were under the bathroom sink. I did not spend time looking through it, as a child or a wife, and of course,ugh ugh, I believe that the men in my life only read it for the articles. Now if you are so liberal to think that the fact that the material in the house is a form of abuse, I can't support that as well as a hunter having guns in the house is abusive as well, to much censorship. Again I ask where was the parental supervision, and if his father forced him to view, DUH, its abuse.

April 14, 2001
10:11 pm
Avatar
Sal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sorry Molly! All I wanted to say was that Playboy or any pornography to which a child is subjected is damaging. Maybe I got a little touchy because Playboy was the porn of choice in my house growing up. No one forced me to look at it, but the example lived out in front of me was that it was OK. That it was normal. But to a child it can change everything. I've still got damaged identity issues due to premature sexual exposure/arousal. No, we can't forbid parents their porn, but we MUST protect our children from it. (I now, descend from my soap box)

April 16, 2001
1:20 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You know Sal, it is a curious soap box to be on, not that you should get off, by any means. It would be interesting if Hugh Hefner is responsible for all of the promiscuity, but the publishing of sexually explicit material goes back in time to way back in time. My question is what happened, and when?
So many of us were told it was ok, and during the love generation of the 60's many thought it was ok, for kids to see all and know all, guess we are learning our lesson's huh?
I just don't get all of the bondage interest of the young ones today, but I guess that goes with cuting tatoo's and piercing?
there is just so much focus on sex, like who is growing the vegetables, and roses, and don't guys work on carborators any more? I think about the movie Summer of 42, typical guys having a fantasy, yet that was ok? Children used to look at each other, it was called playing doctor, we knew not to get caught, we knew it was a seceret, but are we damaged and in denial? the guy trying to cop a feel, is that now considered date rape, we always said no, and they always continued to try. I guess sometimes, I get confused in what we are supposed to get over, comprehend, learn, grow from or to, or what is considered damaging today, and gives us an excuse for our behavior, or allows us to remain handicaped. I am not judging you or anyone else for that matter, just sorta questioning out loud. I have an old book I found printed in 1924 Enemies of our youth, and it points to the media regarding sin, sex, gambling, drinking, yet these have been a part of society, and most society since forever? Got a cure?

April 16, 2001
2:25 pm
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Chibawa....well, I guess the main focus here shouldn't be on who shot John, but that John was shot. (smile) Our society has definitely changed over the years in that so much is available at our fingertips anymore, so it's "more available". Having it on the net and under the bathroom sink is quite a bit different in a way. And the way your father did it - it was definitely there - for you to see. There was no hiding it, it was pushed in front of your nose. There is the line....crossing over into abuse.

Also, Playboy being pictures and the net having the ability to see it in movie form is also a step up into the visualization aspect of it. Once it gets into your head, it is hard to weed it out because you get rewired so to speak and the dysensitization on many levels begins. Pornography really pulls a person back from viewing the person of desire as one who has feelings. They are merely an object. This affects much more in us than just being able to have a few minutes of instant sexual gratification. It becomes an insidious vine that wraps around us and strangles many aspects of our ability to relate to another person sexually and intimately.

I suppose it would be different if we didn't come with a "code" written inside us, but that's there and it's not going anywhere. What is poisonous to us and what goes against health and life and liveliness will start it's destruction in us almost on contact.

Sure we grew up with alot of things in our households back then. Playboy, Penthouse were a somewhat accepted man thing. I also look at how women were viewed "back then" too and we're still reeling from that one as women.... One look at Marilyn Monroe and that is brought back to our consciousness all too quickly. So, along with Leave it to Beaver and the Partridge Family - we didn't do as well as we'd like to paint it. We have a habit of rewriting history as we move along sometimes. I know I do that, talk about the good old days without really looking closely at some things.

We've up'd everything quite a few notches with what's acceptable anymore and along with that comes consequences in homes, in families, in marriages. And you - were the product of that and were the victim of definite abuse. No doubt about that. And I'm sure you're probably wondering how far the iceberg goes down here.

I commend you for being so young and getting a grasp on your need to stop this wheel from turning in you and to be responsible for taking the first step. Your light - as you call her - needs to be told this and you and her need to seek counseling for yourself. I have a hard time thinking that - she didn't know what was going on here.....bear with me on that one. I know too much.....to swallow that - statistic wise. But, maybe your mother was in her own little world and didn't know. Maybe....

At any rate, take the good you've got and run with it. The important thing is - you need counseling and need it now. You need to seek out a therapist that is trained in this area. I think too, what needs to be considered here is how much of this stuff you were hit with all the time. I assume it wasn't like you picking up a Playboy and sneaking a peek now and then. This was pretty much on a daily basis, wasn't it? Too much for a child.....too much for an adult actually.

There is help for you.....please don't feel so overwhelmed with all of this that you opt out of seeking that help. Even if no one will go with you - go by yourself, talk to a teacher, whatever you have to do to push the envelope here.

Have these acts that you have performed included other people, children....?

We have the ability to bounce back from even the most severest of blows in life... (smile) There is healing to be had here - but it takes time and it takes you.....allowing yourself to go slow, at your own pace and to be vigilant in your own healing process. Please keep talking....it sure does help...

April 16, 2001
9:39 pm
Avatar
Sal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Boy, I wish I'd written all that Ladeska! How do we overcome overexposure and desensitization?

Chibawa, she's right on. Get counseling. Wholeness and peace are attainable, but not all alone. There is also group therapy available that might be encouraging and healing.

April 16, 2001
11:13 pm
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sal...what I've noticed is how well we bounce back when we remove ourselves from it. We start getting sensitive again and it doesn't take that long either. But, you have to exercise your will not to expose yourself to things.

I remember years ago my daughter and I both used to watch movies that were scary and she was small and was quite addicted to them. Then she started having nightmares and yet - wanted scarier and scarier movies. I finally just put my foot down and said - no more and I dn't care if you're at your Dad's or at a friend's house - it has to stop and stop now.

She was really good about it, understood on a spiritiual level and all the way around. Eventually, it got to where she or I either one - would see something and go UGH! Turn that off - that's horrible!!! We were totally offended because we had healed so much and could feel the offense when it happened. So, it can be done, but like any other wound - you can't keep exposing yourself to the poison, ya know? Make sense? Yes, alot of things are in your face, but alot of things are what we seek out, too. This is what I'm talking about. You have to make a conscious decision - to turn...and do it.

April 17, 2001
8:49 pm
Avatar
Sal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Repent? Do a 180? I think stopping an addiction need the support of others. "Confess your sins one to another," and all that. There seem to be 'anonymous' meetings for every addiction, and they seem to work. But you're right we have to choose. And then KEEP choosing.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
24
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110914
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38535
Posts: 714196
Newest Members:
Striker1s, marcusz, Keara, Venn, Jolebio, loni89
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer