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I need help staying out of contact
June 4, 2007
7:59 pm
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_anonymous
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He left to do his work release 2 1/2 hours away. Has his own place to stay in where he is at. During a conversation I hung up on him. He called back. Like an idiot I answered the phone and answered his question about why I hung up then he tells me he is going to start working on something so I hang up again. Why in the hell do I keep obsessing on how stupid I was for taking the call how stupid I was for hanging up. And worried to death that he might not call back or worse yet might leave me? I know he is mad at me for leaving him in the first place and know he would like nothing better to get revenge. Why cant I emotionally move on? I want to so bad. Why am I scared when he is with me and even more scared when he is not?

June 4, 2007
10:15 pm
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readyforachange
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(((Destinystar))) Been there, done that. Fear of abandonment is a very real thing, and many of us here have been exactly where you are right now. Don't feel bad or beat yourself up for picking up that phone. We've all done it. It gets easier as time goes on, honey, really it does. Have you checked in to the No Contact Club thread? I've been out of contact with my ex for so darn long it's not a problem any more (and he's such an A**, he makes it so easy for me to avoid him). Be strong, and do what's right for you. Make a list of things you can do instead of contacting him. Take care of yourself, okay?

June 4, 2007
10:59 pm
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_anonymous
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Thank you. Readyforachange. I will try those things.

June 4, 2007
11:44 pm
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making changes
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I agree with readyforachange. Sometimes we get more comfortable with a situation even if it is bad rather than the alternative of being alone. I think fear of abandonment plays a strong role in it. I know it does for me. I'd rather hang on to crumbs than have nothing at all. But I'm starting to change that attitude and you can to. I have made contact with my ex and temporarily it would make me feel better but afterwards I would be so anxious and obsess over every word. I have finally decided it is best for ME not to talk to him. I have no desire to. I hope you get to that point soon as well. Take care of you now and talking to him is only going to prevent that. Take care of yourself.

June 5, 2007
4:03 pm
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lettingo
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My suggestion is to read everything you can on addictive love. I've been there many times. Have grieved over someone who was horrible for me. Actually, in some cases didn't even like the person anymore. I was basically addicted. The ONLY way through this is to do what is suggested and no matter what have no contact in any way. I've heard it suggested to get through the withdrawal stage you need to go through at least 21 days of no contact. This worked for me. It does get easier as time goes on....I promise.

June 9, 2007
1:35 am
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clownface
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On day 8 of NC. How long do you think it will take for the raw panic attacks to subside? I'm not sure if I'll survive for 21`days!!!

Withdrawal stage is killing me. I will be so happy to be over this part of the ordeal.

June 9, 2007
2:32 am
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fantas
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Clownface...all you have is today. Take it one minute at a time. Saying the serenity prayer over and over again really helps me. Good going. Hang in there and keep coming back. Do you attend CoDa meetings?

June 9, 2007
12:00 pm
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clownface
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I don't know the serenity prayer and I'm not sure if we had CODA Meetings here. How can I find out if there is an organization in my area?

June 9, 2007
8:29 pm
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Rasputin
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(((Clownface)))

The serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.

As for Coda Meetings: just logon http://www.coda.org They have listings for all meetings worldwide.

They also have online coda meetings in case you prefer or cannot attend in person. Just e-mail them and they'll reply to you with regard to your request.

If you need any other questions just post a thread and we will reply to you.

June 10, 2007
10:20 am
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clownface
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Thanks, Ras--I will check and see if there is a meeting here locally. I will repeat he serenity prayer until it is my loyal companion. Day 9 of NC. I am so hoepful this is gonna get better. Cried all day yesterday, gripped in fear.

June 10, 2007
10:54 am
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It No Longer Matters
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As I stated on another thread. I am new here. Just found this place this morning. I am where all of you are or have been. I am moving in a few weeks but right now I live next door to him. We have some business dealings and I am trying to "stay nice" until they are resolved. I had dinner with him last night but this morning felt so crappy about myself. Why can't I just stay away from him? Why am I willing to accept crumbs from this one man when in any other relationship I demanded respect?
I also have been reading books. One is Don't Call that Man, I also have been reading It's Called a Breakup because it is broken. At least you can laugh a little reading that one.

Bitsy

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