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i need help pls.
June 23, 2008
7:14 pm
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h3rsh3y
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September 30, 2010
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i dont know what to do anymore. im 24 yrs old with two kids and im divorced with their father. After two yrs. of having been divorced and him having a baby with current gf i found myself ready to get into a relationship once again. the mistake i got myself into was going for my confidant in which at that time was my best friend edward who now is my husband. he also is having depression and is taking prozac and zyprexia on a daily basis. i never knew about co dependency but now that ive gotten info i can really relate to the traits and i know i am co dependent. my parent were also divorced when i was young and sincei was young i tried really hard trying to please my mom and be the daughter she expected me to be. my husband edward has also left me its been two months. i thought i would fall into major deprssion but yet i tend to find myself striving in hopes to build a better furutre and in hopes of reconciling with him. i know its not healthy and i should learn how to let go and detach but i just cant seem to have the acceptance. another factor is that my two kids and i ar staying w my mom in which i have a very unhealthy relationship with. with both of my prior relationships the arguments and disrespect towards my part came when we lived in w/ my mom and they saw how she viewed me as and how little respect she had for me as a daughter and a mother also. my two kids are greatly affected duew to my mother and i's relationship. its already hard enough that i no longer have my husband who was my foundation my rock in hopes of moving towards a better future but yet my mom seems to not be able to understand my situation. i dont know what to do anymore. god knows im trying my best. i just feel so hopeless....and i know i shouldnt fall into self pity but i dont know how else i canhelp myself. i just feel like giving up already beacuse ive been a failure as a wife and sadly it seems as a mother also, my kids dont deserve this they are only 5 and 3 and it breaks my heart to see them having to go through confusion due to the emotions and unstableness in the home. pls help me.

June 23, 2008
7:30 pm
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Celtic1
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(((h3rsh3y))

I am so sorry you are hurting so much..

Have you atteded any Coda meetings? Are you able to attend any?

It's sounds as though you could really use some uplifting. YOU are not a falure as a wife and mother. Please believe that. Many of us have felt that way to find out all we needed was some sound guidance.

Keep posting

Celtic

June 24, 2008
6:22 am
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CraigCo
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h3rsh3y..

As one fellow poster shared with me...
We may have made mistakes but, we are not mistakes.

Our past does not equal our future.

By sharing your understanding of you being a codependent, you've already made the first step in the right direction.

Meetings, counselling are all extremely important They are the means to get you to a healthy state of mind where you can feel your self worth & belive that you ARE worthwhile.

You have love & compassion for your kids. Just continue to show that to them meanwhile & keep making the effort daily to improve your self esteem.
Find out when where you can attend meetings. Schedule an appointment with a counsellor.
Every little step that you take in the right direction will make you feel that much better about yourself.

It also has an affect on your kids when they feel that their Mom's getting better bit by bit.
It just works that way. When Mom is happier, they become happier.

Chins up young lady!

June 24, 2008
7:10 am
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mystified
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h3rsh3y,

I think your an amazing person, with a big heart to be able to recognize the signs of codependency. Just like CraigCo mentioned you have made the first steps towards the right direction.

It's important that you start taking care of yourself and being gentle with who you are. It's a long journey but i can assure you it's worth it. I came from a very abusive family and when i met my husband at 18 i devoted my time my life and my soul to him. There was nver a dull moment with him, there wasn't even a wrong nor right, if he was doing it then i made sure i would be there to take care of him. We had a 3yro at the time and i was 4weeks pregnant he packed his stuff without a warning and took. He broke my heart, he was all that i knew and he was all that i wanted. I honestly thought that i would die without him.

It's been 3 years now since all that has happened and the first steps i took to start my healing journey was removing myself and the kids out of the environment i was in. I started seeing a counsellor, i then started a job and put both my kids in care away from my dysfunctional family. I thought about my exhusband every single day and i prayed that he was ok, i also had a secret addiction which i addressed, i attend alanon meetings and na meetings and if i have to i take my kids with me. I read alot, i listen to self help audio's and do everything in my power to remain positive not only because of my self esteem but because of my kids. I reflect back on my life and do the complete opposite of my parents, my kids now 3 and 6 deserve a healthy minded mother because unfortunately if i adopt unhealthy patterns i cannot think of a single soul around me that i can rely on to care for them. I'm not perfect but i'm ok im always trying. i can now identify with the unhealthy patterns and the cycle of abuse i put myself into. I keep myself and my nest safe. I have many support networks which i built from scratch. It's been a tough yet interesting healing journey, i am often tempted but have to rise above everything.

Remember you are the most important person in your childrens lives, they will become a product of their environment, i respect you and i pray that you have the courage and the strength to pull yourself through. Your thoughts create your feelings so you have the drivers seat and in full control.

Good luck, hope i didn't bore you xxx

I hop

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