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i need help please !!! he does not know yet
May 31, 2010
5:48 am
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lilylove
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September 24, 2010
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i love him very much.. he said he loves me too and i trust him.. we met on the net but there is something about me he does not know yet.. in my previous relationships, as soon as they get to know, they don't wanna be with me anymore.. i don't know how to tell him.. i don't want to lose him.. am so afraid. its not a disease but a disability.. please help mee

May 31, 2010
7:13 am
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innerturmoil
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September 27, 2010
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hi,
'lily'.... welcome
tell us more about yourself, and your situation, so we can give u better advice !!!

🙂 hugs

May 31, 2010
11:02 am
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StronginHim77
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September 30, 2010
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Hi, Lily. This is an anonymous website, so feel free to speak up.

First of all, you are not required to disclose your entire autobiography to someone you have just met online. It comes forth a layer at a time, if you follow me. Trust has to be established and that can take a LONG time.

I, too, have a disability that doesn't "show." When I was meeting people online, I did NOT feel any requirement to disclose my disability until after I had met and begun seeing one of them on a regular basis.

Can you share what your disability is? Mine is IC (interstititial cystitis which causes frequent urination and infections of the bladder).

- Ma Strong

May 31, 2010
9:02 pm
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innerturmoil
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September 27, 2010
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hi
Lily, Ma
... I know she doesnt HAVE 2 disclose anything, but like u said it is an 'anonymous' site,,, LOL
and it helps I found if u tell a 'little bit' more about yourself in order that people might identify/advise u to the best of their abilities...
I have been helped the most when i 'open up' more ,,, just sayin
.....its hard to say much to someone when u dont know much...

(((hugs))) Lily

June 1, 2010
4:46 am
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lilylove
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September 24, 2010
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than you for your relies..ok so this is my story..when i was a child(3), i had an accident and my right fore arm had to be amputated.since then, i have never really lived a day without stress..i have meet several guys on the net and they easily like me because i am very likable, then they tell me they are in love with me. but when i finally tell them i am physically challenged, all love flies away and then am left heart broken.no guy has really approached me to tell me 'i love you'.it hurts so bad, to know no body really loves me for who i am. so again i met this guy on the net and its like the same love story as the other ones and but i think he really does love me.its been sometime now and i think he deserves to know the truth but it is this same truth that has denied me love and happiness all these years.i love him and i don't want to lose him too. am afraid i may not recover...please help me..i love him..i love him..

June 1, 2010
10:27 am
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StronginHim77
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Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
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OK. First things first. It is impossible to love someone via internet. That is NOT real love; that is magical, fantasy-based love. The real McCoy requires daily interaction on a mundane level for an extended period of time, getting to know the REAL person, warts and all.

So, this is NOT love. It is infatuation...fantasy-based, not reality-based.

Internet dating does NOT sound appropriate for your situation. You are setting yourself up for heartbreak after heartbreak. Rejection hurts, plain and simple. Each time you get rejected, your self-esteem and confidence shrink more and more.

I would avoid internet situations. For a REAL relationship you will need to know someone face-to-face who recognizes your disability, but is drawn to you for WHO YOU REALLY ARE INSIDE. The right man will NOT care. He will love the real you. Not the "packaging."

If you have not had an opportunity recently for private therapy/counseling to address this issue, I would strongly encourage you to seek it. You are focusing on your disabiliity because you are on internet dating sites where the major "pull" is simply, physical and/or sexual attraction. And THAT is not real dating or real love. There are a few, fortunate people who actually press through to find a healthy relationship via internet, but they are the EXCEPTION TO THE RULE.

I am sure others here will have more insights to share with you.

- Ma Strong

June 1, 2010
10:42 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
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My computer crashed so I am typing from my phone. Please overlook any errors. Like ma said internet dating isn't real life dating. A little girl grew up behind me. She was born without the lower portion of one one her arms. She has always refused to wear her prosthesis but she climbed trees swam competively and was on the homecoming court she graduated from college and last I heard was getting married. I also have a family friend who was severely burned when the tanker truck he was driving blew up. He has no meat on his legs has three toes for fingers on one hand a prosthesis for the other arm one eye no ears and we all laughed when he got his girlfriend pregnant and the HAD to get married. They now have two children. I'm not telling you this to say look at how much worse these people had it what are you whining about. I am teling you about them so yoe will know there is hope. YOU are so much more than a missing forearm. Get out there and grab life by the tail.

Bitsy

May 31, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
lilylove
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i
love him very much.. he said he loves me too and i trust him.. we
met on the net but there is something about me he does not know
yet.. in my previous relationships, as soon as they get to know,
they don't wanna be with me anymore.. i don't know how to tell
him.. i don't want to lose him.. am so afraid. its not a disease
but a disability.. please help mee

May 31, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
innerturmoil
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 17
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi,
'lily'.... welcome tell us more about yourself, and your situation,
so we can give u better advice !!!

🙂 hugs

May 31, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi,
Lily. This is an anonymous website, so feel free to speak
up.

First of all, you
are not required to disclose your entire autobiography to someone
you have just met online. It comes forth a layer at a time, if you
follow me. Trust has to be established and that can take a LONG
time.

I, too, have a
disability that doesn't "show." When I was meeting people online, I
did NOT feel any requirement to disclose my disability until after
I had met and begun seeing one of them on a regular
basis.

Can you share what
your disability is? Mine is IC (interstititial cystitis which
causes frequent urination and infections of the
bladder).

- Ma
Strong

May 31, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
innerturmoil
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 17
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi
Lily, Ma ... I know she doesnt HAVE 2 disclose anything, but like u
said it is an 'anonymous' site,,, LOL and it helps I found if u
tell a 'little bit' more about yourself in order that people might
identify/advise u to the best of their abilities... I have been
helped the most when i 'open up' more ,,, just sayin .....its hard
to say much to someone when u dont know much...

(((hugs)))
Lily

June 1, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
lilylove
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

than
you for your relies..ok so this is my story..when i was a child(3),
i had an accident and my right fore arm had to be amputated.since
then, i have never really lived a day without stress..i have meet
several guys on the net and they easily like me because i am very
likable, then they tell me they are in love with me. but when i
finally tell them i am physically challenged, all love flies away
and then am left heart broken.no guy has really approached me to
tell me 'i love you'.it hurts so bad, to know no body really loves
me for who i am. so again i met this guy on the net and its like
the same love story as the other ones and but i think he really
does love me.its been sometime now and i think he deserves to know
the truth but it is this same truth that has denied me love and
happiness all these years.i love him and i don't want to lose him
too. am afraid i may not recover...please help me..i love him..i
love him..

June 1, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

OK.
First things first. It is impossible to love someone via internet.
That is NOT real love; that is magical, fantasy-based love. The
real McCoy requires daily interaction on a mundane level for an
extended period of time, getting to know the REAL person, warts and
all.

So, this is NOT
love. It is infatuation...fantasy-based, not
reality-based.

Internet dating
does NOT sound appropriate for your situation. You are setting
yourself up for heartbreak after heartbreak. Rejection hurts, plain
and simple. Each time you get rejected, your self-esteem and
confidence shrink more and more.

I would avoid
internet situations. For a REAL relationship you will need to know
someone face-to-face who recognizes your disability, but is drawn
to you for WHO YOU REALLY ARE INSIDE. The right man will NOT care.
He will love the real you. Not the "packaging."

If you have not
had an opportunity recently for private therapy/counseling to
address this issue, I would strongly encourage you to seek it. You
are focusing on your disabiliity because you are on internet dating
sites where the major "pull" is simply, physical and/or sexual
attraction. And THAT is not real dating or real love. There are a
few, fortunate people who actually press through to find a healthy
relationship via internet, but they are the EXCEPTION TO THE
RULE.

I am sure others
here will have more insights to share with you.

- Ma
Strong

June 1, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
It No Longer Matters
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My
computer crashed so I am typing from my phone. Please overlook any
errors. Like ma said internet dating isn't real life dating. A
little girl grew up behind me. She was born without the lower
portion of one one her arms. She has always refused to wear her
prosthesis but she climbed trees swam competively and was on the
homecoming court she graduated from college and last I heard was
getting married. I also have a family friend who was severely
burned when the tanker truck he was driving blew up. He has no meat
on his legs has three toes for fingers on one hand a prosthesis for
the other arm one eye no ears and we all laughed when he got his
girlfriend pregnant and the HAD to get married. They now have two
children. I'm not telling you this to say look at how much worse
these people had it what are you whining about. I am teling you
about them so yoe will know there is hope. YOU are so much more
than a missing forearm. Get out there and grab life by the
tail.

Bitsy

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