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I need help - is this codependency or love?
October 12, 2004
2:09 pm
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sweetjenna
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I am too in a lesbian relationship. However, I believe I am the codependent one. I am looking into theraphy because I have a wonderful woman in my hands. She is everything i could ever hope for. she kisses me, loves me, listens, communicates, understands, and is very good with my son.

The problem arises with my x. She has left 3 times - this last time for someone she had never met on the internet. I mean she broke up with me and 4 days later moved 7 hours away. Now she wants to come back. She is bipolar - getting theraphy - taking meds - and "working on herself" all while she is living with this woman and her children and playing an active part in their family. she says she wants to be back with me and is moving back in a month. however, unless i take her back - this woman and her children are moving with her.

jeannie (x) and i are very similar as far as getting defensive and get our feelings hurt easily. i tried to tell her that by staying with the other woman proves to me she hasn't changed a lick.

my thing is why do i still care - why do i still want to be with her? i have everything i want right in front of me. jeannie wasn't -- she likes to do things - piercings, hair dying - which i liked too but i guess grew up when i had my son - because he needs stability and as much normality as i can give him. i mean - he was already being raised by 2 women.

caroline the new woman is beautiful, smart, working on her degree, faithful, trusting, very together ---- literally the things that i complained about with jeannie - i need affection, sex and love which i seldom got from J but do from C.

WHAT ON EARTH IS MY PROBLEM and how do i fix it?

October 12, 2004
2:15 pm
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Anonymous
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welcome sweetjenna! I'm working through alot of these issues myself, but I am leaning towards codependency. The goal is always just out of reach, the affection, sexuality, love... we crave it because we're not getting it. and when we do, something is ovbiously wrong with them or why are they showing us this?? For me it stems down to self-worth. I'm still figuring out why I lack it. Where, when and why did it go, as children are born healthy so I've read in this area. For me it began with sexual abuse and escalated with my family and their wonderful disfunctions. Have you tried seeing a therapist? Your asking questions, your on the right path.
((hugs))
magga

October 12, 2004
2:15 pm
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CAMER
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HOW long ago did Jeannie and you break up?? months or years ago?? and how do you still feel about HER? for her to up and leave you and move away so quickly says alot about HER. Seems like you may want to be with Caroline...she seems to give you what you want. Have you ever really gotten over your first lady Jeannie b4 going on with the relationship with Caroline??

its normal to miss someone you broke up with, but not good to bring maybe unfinished business from one relationship into another.

Keep venting and posting.

October 12, 2004
4:05 pm
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Patarino
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Magga you said it so perfectly when you said "affection, we crave it because we are not getting it and then when we get it we wonder why ... jeez, what a tangled web we weave! I to am in a co-depentent lesbian relationship. I am doing everything is my power to make myself believe that I deserve better. But still ... she convinces me daily that it is me who is the roblme and I am the one who needs to "fix it". ... and if I could only change everything would be wonderful ...
gonna keep reading adn keep venting. Seems to be helping already!

October 12, 2004
4:24 pm
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Sam7
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Let me know how you guys are doing! That sounds totally familiar. I want what I don't have until I have it and then I get bored and start picking things apart. What's up with that? How are we supposed to tell the difference between genuine problems and manufactured ones and pure emotions and coda created ones? Anybody have any input there? Cause I've been able to identify some emotions in myself, which is a step in the right direction, but I am unable to discern their motivation or to understand WHY I am doing what I'm doing.

October 12, 2004
4:31 pm
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Anonymous
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Welcome Jenna! And hello sam!

I don't have a good answer for you, I wish I did but I did want to welcome you. You will find alot of wonderful caring and supportive people here!
Keep posting,

Sunny

October 14, 2004
8:05 pm
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Emperorsclothes
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work on yourself, sweet, you need to understand WH"Y you put up with such terrible mistreatment at the hands of people who supposedly 'love" you and how you can give yourself the love you crave.
We all have the power to do this, and with this ability, comes complete freedom and enlightenment

October 14, 2004
8:39 pm
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Patarino
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Hey emperor
I am new as of yesterday the 13th. I like what you said about giving ourselves the love we crave. Most of us have never even tried it. I am sitting here trying to think of a way to love myself ...
Why do they say they love you if they really don't? What benefit does it get them? I just don't get it????

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