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i need friends!!!!
August 26, 2004
3:05 am
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gminem
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i think i am a freak and a loser.my problem is i've got no friends at all in college.people start hating me after they've knew i am a lesbian and for your information,my partner is the most attractive and beutifull girl in college.every guy in the college trying to get her as a girlfriend.is it my fault to have her as my partner?actually,she was the one who propose me first as her partner.

August 26, 2004
5:14 am
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silence
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I can't help you with the girl situation. But I know the loser motif pretty darn well.

August 26, 2004
6:19 am
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FRAGILE HEART
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I THINK I AM_______?

IF YOU THINK YOU ARE ______THEN YOU ARE ______

STOP THINKING LIKE YOU ARE _______

REMEMBER THE TRAIN THAT SAID,
"I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN!"

THIS TRAIN THOUGHT HIGHLY OF HIMSELF.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR WORTH?
IN ORDER TO MAKE SOMEONE ELSE HAPPY, YOU NEED TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOU.
HOW?
START SAYING POSTIVE AFFIRMATIONS ABOUT YOU (IN THE MIRROR) AT LEAST ONE EVERYDAY AND THEN INCREASE IT UNTIL YOU BELIEVE IT. BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU ARE WORTH IT.

August 26, 2004
2:06 pm
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kathygy
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Is there a gay organization you can join at school for support and to make new friends? Its also true the better you feel about yourself the more you attract people. If you are feeling defensive or angry in any way people can pick that up and stay away. I would put my energy into building my self-esteem. You don't have to be affected by how others behave.

September 2, 2004
1:41 pm
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Tryn2LuvMe
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Hey,

I need friends also. Healthy friends. My lover of 2 years broke up with me. I am in the process of getting of her. It was the most painful thing I have ever had to do.

Because I have no clue as to how not to be in a relationship. My pattern has always been to go directly from one to the other. Most of the time I started a new one before I broke off with the old.

I suffer from co-dependency and I'm just now reaching out for help.

Need a friend also....

September 2, 2004
1:51 pm
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Bianca
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I need friends too...

I have four friends that I was counting on to help me through this time. Three haven't gotten back to me lately, and the fourth is so busy that she doesn't have time.

I realized how pathetic I am when I wanted to go salsa dancing, and the only place I knew of was at a local bar. I didn't have any friends to go with, so I turned around in the parking lot and drove away. A single woman hanging out at a bar doesn't sound like a good idea.

There is a singles group in our area, I've been on their email list for years but never went to any of their events. I think it's time - as I need to make some new friends.

So this is me - getting ready to start my life. It's scary, I'd rather sit at home on my couch then have to meet people... but when I can go an entire weekend without speaking with someone I think it's probably time to get out a little more.

September 2, 2004
1:59 pm
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Bianca
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and the problem?

It's so much easier to meet people that are dating candidates... I'm a straight woman, and it's much easier for me to meet men then woman.

I'm kind of excited about this group that I am going to start doing - they are free, except for the cost of whatever activity you are doing, and they have events all over town.

Mid September they are having a woman's breakfast, so you can make friends with some women.

I'm very excited about this... it's a little more expensive then I wanted to spend (breakfast at a nice restuarant) but will hopefully be worth it.

September 2, 2004
2:30 pm
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CAMER
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Tryn2: now is the time to focus on you...and don't replace your last gf..know that things will be ok, and work on yourself, spend time with yourself, and you must have some friends from work or childhood that you can talk to. You have plenty of
friends and support in this group, and know that you are not alone...Please keep venting.

hugs from camer

September 2, 2004
2:32 pm
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Bianca
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Hey - the beginning post of this thread is gone...

How did that happen?

September 2, 2004
2:52 pm
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Tryn2LuvMe
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Camr:

Thanks so much for the kind words. I have already gotten a clue about not replacing my ex for another. I have been doing that for so many years that I just want to do a new thing. I'm a firm believer if I practice a new behavior I'll get a new result. It takes courage to change. I'm finally willing.

Yes, I have plenty of friends and family. I have no friends that are on the same path i'm traveling on though. Which is breaking the cycle of my repeated destructive behaviors and patterns.

Thanks again for responding.

September 2, 2004
3:43 pm
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CAMER
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hi tryn: did you try a coda meeting????thats where i met many wonderful friends who are the same as me, coda and just trying to get better each day.

if you log on to:

http://www.coda.org

that will give you a listing of local
coda meetings worldwide, i would def.
suggest trying a few out, the meetings are great and I have been going to them for almost 3 years.

good luck, honey.

camer

September 2, 2004
4:10 pm
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Tryn2LuvMe
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Camer:

Hi, I have figured out that much also. I know I need to go co-dependency meetings. I researched on the net earlier and came up with one about 20 minutes from my house.

Although I'm scared, I'm going to say a prayer and put one foot in front of the other and keep it mov'n.

My day started out ok. But by this afternoon I had to leave my desk and go to the bathroom and cry. I've just gotten recently gotten to the point were I cry one time per day vs. 8. So I know I am healing. This is the first day in about 6 weeks straight I haven't had severe urges to call her.

Thanks again for the suggestions!

ps: Can you share with me what changes do you experience now in your life before you started the coda meetings?

September 2, 2004
6:56 pm
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hurthead
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hi everyone, this is my first time here, or anywhere, for help about this stuff. my boyfriend and i broke up a month ago yesterday, but had to continue living together until 2 weeks ago, due to rent stuff. we have a 2 year old child togethter and both love him to pieces. my x and i talk all the time, we share custody of the baby, and still love each other very much. all this aside we cannot live together. we scream, cry, slam doors, all of it,. i still want to be with him even though he knows for sure that we cannot be together. and i think deep down i know our relationship was never healthy. i dont know why, but i always depended on him for hap[piness. and i always had a hard time trusting him. anyway, i just found out this morning that last night, 2 weeks after i completely moved out, he slept with another woman. we screamed, cried, everything....he said he never thought about how it would affect me, that he just thought it was awkward bec it was his first time with anyone besides me in almost 4 years. needless to say i broke down crying and ept asking how he could do this to me. he apologized over and over for hurting me, but figured that we were broken up. and i know he's right, but it just hurts sooooo bad. im still not even over our initial breakup and now i have this to deal with. i dont know what to do. i dont have any friends to talk to, so here i am. he says he has no intention of starting a relationship, but satill, the fact that he could want someone else so quickly just eats me up inside. we share a child, so we see each other about every other day, and still are the most important person in each other's life. what do i do? how do i let go of the old relationship and embrace the new? any help, please!!!

September 2, 2004
7:08 pm
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CAMER
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Hi TryN2:I can remember my first coda meeting...gosh i was so scared, did not know what to expect, but I knew that I needed help. I walked into this room with about 40 people of all different ages, from 20's to there 70's..and male and female...What i learned was that *i was not alone*...they welcomed me and each person got 4 minutes to talk about there codep. and you also got to listen to others stories...it amazed me how many people are codependent...its just that there are soooo many coda people out there, just alot are not willing to admit it and try to help themselves.

TryN2, these people feel like a family, we all know eachother and laugh and hug eachother when we see eachother at these meetings. It gives inspiration in my life, just hearing others stories and how they try to help themselves.

I am glad you are willing to attend a meeting, try a few out, see if you like them, I know for a fact, the meetings have made me so much healthier and stronger and I look forward to them weekly.

best of luck, you are making positive steps.

hugs from camer

September 2, 2004
7:12 pm
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CAMER
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hurthead, welcome to this group...and as for your x bf, sleeping with the other woman so recently ...arrrgg, he should not have done that, and I know for a fact he probably doesn't even know or like the woman. I know that alot of men in my past would sleep around quickly, just so they could "validate" themselves and feel worthy, still not knowing how much they would hurt others.

Since you both have a child together, but don';t get along living together, maybe you should dig down deep in your soul and find out why you 2 cannot live together.
Not sure if you are both coda and if
you want to get back with him on better terms, since your child is now involved in both of your lives.

Keep focusing on yourself, and what you truely want, and what is best for your child, and maybe sit down and have your ex honestly talk about what went wrong when living together.

I wish you so much support and comfort,and remember you are not alone.....camer

September 2, 2004
7:20 pm
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chloeysmomma
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i need friends too

September 2, 2004
8:17 pm
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hurthead
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dear camer, thank you for your response! it feels so good to know that someone heard me. and, yes, he does know the girl, but barely, and im sure youre right about the validation thing- she is MUCH younger. thaanks for the advice about talking to him, allthough im almost positive his mind is made up. and yes, we are both codependent; especially me. he says we are like poison too each other, that we love each other too much, so much that he has no sense of self when we are a couple....any advice about how to get awful mental pic out of my head? still, how could he do that so soon???

September 2, 2004
8:20 pm
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hurthead
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chloeysmomma,

hey. i need a friend too. are you new to this sight? this is my first day here, but i would love to be your friend. whats going on?

September 3, 2004
9:05 am
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Tryn2LuvMe
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Hurthead,

Welcome! I actually just joined this site yesturday. I have never done anything like this. Yet, I knew I had to do something because a lot of days I feel like my pain is unbearable.

I am going through a break-up, my girlfriend broke-up with me about a month or so ago for the 4th time in 2 years. But this time I know it is final! We talked almost everyday on the phone I still saw her a couple times a week. I suspected she was seeing someone 2 weeks after our break-up. It was confirmed on Sunday when I asked her and she admitted she was seeing someone and that she had in fact slept with this person.

I was devistated! I could not believe she could do something like that to me. But after a total and complete emotional melt down - I got in touch with the fact that she too is co-dependent! She has no clue as to how to be alone. She went out and found someone so that she wouldn't have to deal with the pain of our break-up. I found comfort in knowing and understanding that. I know like you know, that we both love each other very much but we can not be together at this time or maybe forever. I know she too is in a lot of pain and that she is confused and she knows not what she does. She is following a familiar pattern and that is dealing with someone else to get over the last. I did that for years, so I can identify were she is at. This is the only thing that is helping with this each day.

I had to make a conscious decision to let go and let God. I believe if love something or someone you let it go. If it is meant it will come back.

Keep posting and talking about your experience. It will get better....

September 3, 2004
10:51 am
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hurthead
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hey tryn2luvme,

thanks so much for the reply! i know you're right. he has not been without a girlfriend/wife since has was 18 or so!!! i am still just hurting so bad. different emotions evey second. i just want to run away, but bec. of our son i cant do that. it would not be fair to either of them. and not to mention i would just miss him so much. aaarrhhh. thanks agin!

September 3, 2004
2:42 pm
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Tryn2LuvMe
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hey hurthead,

I was just sitting here at my desk having an ok day considering all the days before this one. Out of the blue I get this picuture in my head of my ex with this other person.

I tried to pray it away, I tried shake it off. Ultimately I had to go to the ladies room and cry... This is so hard. I think it is even more painful to know that she went out and was intimate with someone else not even 2 weeks after the break-up.

I can intellectualize it all day. I know why because she has no clue how to do it any other way. But, I can't get my heart in allignment with my head.

I hate the picture that keeps playing in my head! In time, this too shall pass....

September 3, 2004
3:22 pm
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Jodygirl
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Hi,
I just came across this site while researching co-dependancy. I started therapy a few weeks ago and realize now for the first time that I am co-dependent. I've been in a "relationship" of sorts with someone for 2 1/2 years, and no matter how hard we try we just keep fighting. We love each other so much and keep saying maybe someday we'll get it right. I don't want to give up that hope, but the frustration, anger hurt and pain I feel every waking moment is paralyzing. I have no where to go, no one to talk to. My life revolved around him and now I'm so alone. He has decided that it's best to not be around each other, until I can treat him better. Then he'll be different with me. Without him around me I can't stop being angry and hurt..it just goes round and round.

September 7, 2004
2:14 am
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gminem
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hey guys=)thanx alot with ur supportive and suggestions.its kind a pleasure for me to hear from u.actually im new member here.i hope we can have a chat in this forum.can we exchange e-mail?

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