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I need advice about contacting ex.
November 10, 2004
12:36 pm
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fortheloveofgod
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Ok.

My husband left me a month ago and I don't know where he has moved to or what his new number is. He wants a divorce but I think we should work it out. I haven't contacted him because I'm trying to give him space (if I let him go I HOPE he will come back to me).

My father is dying and doesn't know we are separated.

Should I ask my husband to come home for Thanksgiving? We had agreed to spend holidays apart. This will be my dad's last one. Or should I break it to Dad that we are split?

Dad's really emotional these days and I don't think that I should ruin his Thanksgiving with that sort of news.

Any advice?

November 10, 2004
12:40 pm
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kathygy
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If your husband wants a divorcee I don't see how you have any choices. He doesn't want to spend the holidays with you. It sounds like you might be using your father's health as an excuse to try to get your husband back. It won't work. Be honest with your father. He can handle it better than you think.

November 10, 2004
12:44 pm
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Anonymous
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I think Kathy is right. Your father might actually feel blessed to offer you some comfort during this difficult time and have some of the focus shifted off him for a bit.

Also want to say that I see how strenuous this must be for you. I wish there was more that could be said or done to help.

Sincerely,

Ren'ai

November 10, 2004
12:48 pm
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fortheloveofgod
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Ok kathygy. I hear what you are saying but you misunderstand me.

I'm not trying to get my husband back. This is not a game. I don't want him back unless he fixes the issues he currently has (selfish b#&$^).

I'm thinking about my dad at the moment. I don't want his last days to be feeling sad for me. He cries at the drop of a hat.

I would only ask my husband to spend an hour with us.

November 10, 2004
12:51 pm
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fortheloveofgod
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Thanks Ren'ai.

This is a very stressful time for me. I worry about my parents because they have NOT planned their retirement well at all. It is just so complicated! I know that I will be the one filling out paperwork, planning the funeral, and any other "stuff" that needs to get done. I'm the oldest and my mother depends on her us kids WAY TOO MUCH. I can't demand her to change now . . . this pattern has worked for her too long.

As to the husband, I'm in angry stage at the moment. Seeing him would be very hard for me.

Thanks again though guys for your advice!

November 10, 2004
12:57 pm
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Katkeyper
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I wouldn't tell your dad about the split if his condition means a matter of weeks....I'm so sorry for what you must be going through.

My grandparents were very sick - they loved my husband, Pete, but I never told them we split. We rarely saw each other except holidays, and I used the excuse that he couldn't get out of work this year to visit (too far to drive). They never knew...until I "confessed" at their wake when I had private time with each of them. They died two months apart. I know I'm forgiven. I'm sure they know I did it out of love for them. However, you can only do this if you can be strong enough not to break down or have them catch you in the lie. If not, you'll need to tell him - if he knows you well enough, it will hurt him more that you lied.

There were some events with Pete's family that we attended after we separated as it was complicated at some point regarding telling them...when someone gave me a belated bday gift and I felt terrible for having to accept it under the circumstances, I said that was it - fess up to them - I can't do this anymore.

You're not in an easy place...go with your heart.

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