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I need a Letter of Encouragement from a Sexual Abuse Survivor
May 4, 2009
9:34 pm
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LoveSandy
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Good Evening I am going thru a workbook called the courage to heal by Laura Davis and I am at the point in the book where I am supposed to get someone to write me a letter of encouragement (as I too am a victim of sexual abuse, although still a bit in denial). In your response below please specify the fact that you've been where I am and that you've gotten thru it. Tell me why it's worth it to heal. encourage me creatively. Thanks so much for your support.....

May 4, 2009
11:40 pm
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1_vulnerable_dame
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Hi I am a sexual abuse survivor. I was in denial too just like you. I could not admit that it happened to me even though I knew it had. I decided to rationalize it in my mind so I could cope. I created a very tough exterior shell to protect that little girl. 35yrs later we are exposing the little girl in me to the fact that yes this happened. No matter what sugery coating we decide to put onit. My way of saying it was that I had only been touched no one penatrated me so that could not possibly be molestation. It took alot of off and on counseling through out the years but, low and behold 8months ago I admitted it. To myself. I have been crying like a baby even sometimes I dont know why. My counseler says I'm grieving for my little girl. My little girl was vulnerable at a young age but she is a grown woman on the outside and I will protect her. She doesnt have to hide anymore or walk with her head hung. Actually it is a bite tiring to cry so much after having not cried for25yrs but, It feels so good. Although, it looks a little crazy to an onlooker. I have always clung to God for my strenght. He is ever present in times of trouble. He says this to will pass. Like the seasons there is a time to heal. Now is that time for you. I dont know if you believe in God. I dont know if you read the bible. If not take a moment to study the crucifiction of christ,you will identify with him when you think of his situation. He too was opressed like us, inocently. We did nothing wrong to recieve suck a tramatic punshment. Christ also did nothing wrong. Think of it like this if you will: He(God) will never put you through more than you can bare. You made it, you could bare it. Another child may not have been so lucky as to retain thier forgiving disposition as you did. You would never have been able to help some other child feel comfort. Some other person my have taken thier own life. You didnt you are a sorvivor. You were meant to come thorough this and help others. Goodluck with your paper I sencerly hope it helped.

May 5, 2009
10:04 am
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thewall
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love sandy,

Are you working with a therapist while you are doing this workbook? That is an intense book and one I do not recommend working through alone.

May 7, 2009
12:39 pm
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LoveSandy
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hey there "the wall"...i am working with a therapist but when i am going thru the book, i am doing it alone...

May 7, 2009
12:50 pm
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LoveSandy
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vulnerable dame

thanks so much for your encouragment.and i appreciate your analogy to the crucification of christ.. i never would have made the connection. interstingly enough i am at a weird place with God but i do know that even in my anger and frustration with him at this time, he is watching over me...

May 7, 2009
1:13 pm
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Healing.. and peace
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Dear Sandy,

My heart goes out to you during this time of healing, I've been where you are reading the same book as well.

It is so worth the healing you will give to yourself, and allow yourself when you are able to protect the little girl in you. You will get to a point when you can pick her up and let her know that no one will ever hurt her (you), in the same way as the abuser did to the little girl in you.

You can lean on God, ask God to help you through this, he understands, and knows the pain you are feeling. He will help you in everyway heal from your past, and present pain while learning how to give you back that little girl in you. No matter how old we get, and how strong we think we are as grown women there is always that little child of God in us, sweet, trusting, and innocent.

I was once like you are right now, I had suppressed the hurt, the pain, and that little girl in me. I had to be strong for me but eventually I couldn't hide the pain of being raped when I was five years old. So as an adult I went to a therapist, and also started to heal with the help of Courage to Heal, and that is truly when I became the strong woman I always thought I was before. The differance was that I was able to let go, heal, grow, and take back the little girl in me.

You too will have healing and peace, I promise you. Keep smiling and when feeling down or that you can't go on look inside and ask God to help you.

Healing and Peace to you

May 9, 2009
12:01 am
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free
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Hi LoveSandy

Pat yourself on the back. You've taken the hardest step, one that most people cannot ever bring themselves to take and understandably so. You have within you more courage than you know. Over time, this will become apparent to you.

I've been where you're at and at many places you will soon be. While these "places" have their trademarks, the experience of these places have their differences. Only you can know what you are experiencing at any given time in any given place. Sometimes survivors share similar experiences, sometimes its different. When I was where you are right now, I was hesitant and non-believing. I'd kind of thrown in the towel- thinking "whatever, I'll just do it as surely things can't get any worse." I wish I had a crystal ball. I wish I could have seen the world I would see in the future.

Ya see Sandy, there are things you cannot see because you are "inside the box." There are feelings you can't experience in there. The box is safe, it's kept you safe all this time. It's where you went in order to survive. But you've survived now and it's time to enter into the hallway, and travel that hallway, that leads to LIFE. Life that's filled with joy, sadness, exuberance, exhaustion, laughter and tears and pride and anger. All these things, they are but a hallway's travel away. I wonder if you're picturing a hallway like the one in the movie Poltergeist- formidable and long and frightening with a monster in it. I did.

You've found the door. You've opened it. And now the journey begins.

It's a healing journey Sandy. Like a hike in the back country. There are peaks and valleys. Torrential rivers and trickling brooks. Serene meadows and formidable cliffs. Soft morning dew and lightning storms. It's a journey.

Journeys are always filled with wonder and hope. Adventure. Some fear of the unknown. That's what's held you back all this time. The unknown. Ya see, you've survived in that box. What if you can't survive outside? That's a fear. A valid one.

But I'm on the outside of that box now Sandy. Been through some peaks and valleys and storms and meadows. let me tell you this. Just let me tell you k? There is nothing on this journey you cannot and will not survive. There is no place on this journey that is lonelier than it is in that box. There is no place on this journey that is darker than inside that box. There is no one on this journey that can hurt you like the person or persons who hurt you and caused you to go into that box. The person who hurt you is in that box with you. I see that. You might not. But that person is there and that person is holding you there.

Well you've survived all this time in that box with the person who hurt you. You can survive anything sandy. You can survive anything after surviving that!

so leave. come on this journey. There's alot of tears in the beginning. Alot of fear. And oh boy wait to the power of anger hits. But it's a cool journey Sandy.

It's really, really cool. And I look forward to sharing it with you just by knowing you're on it too.

It's worth it. To feel again. To squeal with genuine joy. To love and make love. To play. To stand up for yourself. To argue. To ponder, I mean really ponder. To be able to listen to the rain and feel peace.

it's worth it.

Shut the door behind you. Start a journal as to what it's like to close the door to that box. What does the hallway look like? Where's the trail and what does it look like? Are you in a forest or a meadow? Are there birds or bears? journal...

and welcome to the healing journey....

May 15, 2009
2:03 pm
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gettingold
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I am shocked that no one has resonded to this thread. It really dissapionting that only people that have been coming here for a while get the feedback. I used to come on here now I am remembering why I left.
I sure hope you find your way. Realize one day just what your worht. Things happen to good people, things we thought we could control, so we blame ourselves, but manipulation is a powerfull tool abusers use. It works like a charm,and they know it. Be at peace with yourself, if only for a minute. You have alot to offer the world. If only they are just kind words.

May 16, 2009
5:12 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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Dear Sexual Abuse Survivor,

I read your plea and did not have it in me to answer. It may be the same for someone else here. No matter how long ago IT happened it is still there.

I am different. I confronted my abuser when I was 18. I told him I knew he did it and he knew he did it and I wanted to know why. He did admit the abuse. Told me why it happened and apologized.

In the 1950's my mother dated at man who went into the military to serve in the Korean War. My mother found out that she was pregnant and unmarried. She gave birth to a son in a Catholic Hospital in 1954. The Nuns had found a family to adopt him and my mother could have returned to a somewhat normal life, even though she was a tainted woman. The day my mother was being released from the hospital my grandmother marched in and DEMANDED her grandchild. She and my grandfather raised him and from that day until the day my grandmother died she held the child over my mother's head and used him against her.

In 1960 my mother married a man who by all accounts was a decent human being. He had a genetic disease and wanted to adopt my mothers son. My grandmother would not allow it. My mothers first husband died and she met and married my father who also wanted to adopt the child. Again, my grandmother would not allow it.

Eventually I was born and I had the mother and father and he was jealous. He molested me to get even and hurt my mother.

I survived and so can you. Yes. The fact that I was sexually molested causes me problems to this day. There are men I am extremely uncomfortable around. I have never really dated and do not know how to date. But I am here and I survived.

Love,

Bitsy

Bitsy

May 17, 2009
4:58 pm
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morrisgrl28
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hey im sorry for what you're going through. just know none of this is your fault. i was sexually assaulted a year ago, by a man who tricked me. i got away. i went to the hospital, gave a police report, and started counseling as soon as i was ready. i went through several months of frustuation with the authorties just because i felt they werent doing their job. i got very persisitant. justice wasnt served, but at least im alive. i know his judgement day will come and i know it wont be pretty.

May 17, 2009
11:21 pm
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LoveSandy
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thx you all for sharing your stories and for your encouragement. it means a lot especially at this time when i cannot (well, don't feel like I can)talk to anyone else about this outside of my therapist.

May 19, 2009
1:09 am
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ClassyLady
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Hi,

You are not alone, there are millions of women who were sexually abused, as children, by dates, by strangers. Sexualy abuse is a form of control and manupulation. No matter how much people tell you it's not your fault, because it isn't. The freedom comes when you Begin to Believe the truth about yourself. Therapy is sought but my freedom came when I went through a inner healing freedom prayer process. I revisited the memory, embraced every feeling and emotion, i.e. anger, helplessness, fear, shame, unforgiveness, etc. and then I spoke out what I believed about myself as a result, i.e. I am dirty, it was my fault, I deserved it. The darkness was bound and then I asked God to come and bring his truth to me about the situation. We can't be free or embrace the truth if we don't forgive and receive forgiveness. That is the hardest thing to do. Once you embrace the Truth, then you can be healed and free. I am not talking about the lies we embrace, i.e. I am dirty, etc. but the truth. Seek the Truth so you can be Free. You were a victim and will remain one until you are free from the lies. Be Blessed.

May 24, 2009
2:56 pm
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LoveSandy
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Thx Classy Lady. you hit it right in the nail when you say "We can't be free or embrace the truth if we don't forgive and receive forgiveness."

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