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i must really hate myself
December 4, 2010
12:00 am
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zarathustra
miami, florida
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Hey
everyone its me z,

Ok, I am pretty
sure every one knows more or less my background; if not just ask
away, full disclosure. But this little thread is me asking you
people what is the best thing to do, I am trying REALLY hard to get
myself thinking normal, happy thoughts, I don’t want to go back to
drugs/smoking/drinking, I am trying hard I swear, but the thing is
I am very lonely, romantically speaking, I have the love of my best
friend Dana, but you all know what I mean when I say that at the
end of the night I still go to bed alone.

Ok, so about a
year or so ago I was talking very regularly to a girl, very nice
and sweet, and I have to admit, drop dead gorgeous. She had just
broken up with her boyfriend at the time and was looking for
someone to talk to, I was there for her, I tried to make it into
something more but she just kept refusing my urges, which I
respected. But she did mean things, she would call me late at night
and ask me things like what was I wearing and (forgive the
bluntness and offensive content) she would ask me things like to
tell her what guys like in oral sex, I cant tell you how many
nights she would call me and ask me to stay on the phone with her
until she fell asleep. I easily became obsessed with her, but she
wanted nothing to do with me. She would tell me I am her best
friend, and that she loved me, which would just break my black
heart because I really liked her and wanted more! After a while I
realized this wasn’t going anywhere, so I came up with a plan so
that she would hate me and it would be easier for her to let me go,
i completely cut her off, deleted her from face book, phone number
and everything, that was 6 months ago, she recently texted me and
told me how she hates me and I am a dick and how could I leave her
like that, I fessed up and told her that I knew it would never work
and it hurt too much watching her with other men, she told me I am
a dick for leaving and that I was selfish for taking myself away
from her. It wouldn’t be so hard for me to cut her off again, but
she calls me her best friend, I don’t think of her that way but I
could never do to what I did to her to Dana, which is my best
friend, so I feel really guilty and I told her I am sorry and that
if she wants to go back to the way things were, ill do it, so yeah,
I just shot myself in the foot. Should I cut her off? Or should I
remain friends with her even though it feels like I am punching
myself in the stomach? Sorry for the lengthy thread, but why does
it feel like after a year of shit I am starting the new years back
where I did last year.

December 4, 2010
12:00 am
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chelonia mydas
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Its
OK to think of yourself and your needs when evaluating if a
relationship is good for you. You almost need to put yourself first
at that stage of any relationship to protect yourself from getting
involved in a toxic bond.

What do you get
out of a relationship with her? Does the good outweigh the bad?
Does she cause more pain and misery than confort and happiness. If
she is not good for you then drop her.

If after you have
carefully evaluated and thought through the situation, you decide
that she is good for you, that is when you enter into more of a
relationship where you need to then consider her needs and make
some compromises. But always keep it in balance.

December 4, 2010
12:00 am
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Hepburn
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Hi
Z,

This woman sounds
really selfish and abusive.

The fact that you
want to take care of yourself and not feel pain with her anymore is
healthy. It means your self esteem and self respect is elevating.
Do you want to continue elevating?

I just finished
with bf #5? Don't know, I'm starting to loose count, and each time
I say I've learned my lesson, only to move on to another looser.
Unfortunately I need to be hit upside the head a few
times.

Even when we fall
down or relapse we're still moving forward. It gives us a chance to
start again and hopefully learn something and do things
differently.

December 4, 2010
12:00 am
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zarathustra
miami, florida
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thank
you both let me try to answer soe questions here
chelonia,

what do i get out
of it? for one i do enjoy talking to her, but i am not going to
lie, i have a secret hope that she will one day just scream she
loves me and beg forgiveness for taking so long to realize i am
perfect and handsome and she cant take another second with out me,
ill settle if she says one of those.

does the good
outweigh the bad.... i have no idea, i miss her alot right now, but
i always had a longing when we were talking, couldnt tell you which
is worse, not to mention the fact that i was just getting over her,
thinking of other women, i was even planning on asking this girl
out that my friend is trying to hook me up with. i dont think i
should rely on my opinion on whats good for me, i think being dead
is whats best for me, dana (my best friend) absolutely hates this
woman, she thinks she is selfish and just using me. this is the
thing theough, this gril reffers to me as her best friend, now dana
is my best friend, i would NEVER leace dana, so how could i do that
to someone else? she int my best friend, i dont even really
consider her a friend, but i do care about her and would never want
to cause her pain. man i hate this woman! why cant she just have
never called me again and left me alone. now i have it in my m ind
if i drown her with love like i was doing before that one day maybe
she might realize i can make her happy, instead of leaving her and
have no chance with her at all. yup, i am an idiot, i am getting
soooo drunk tonight.

December 4, 2010
12:00 am
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Mase
Canada! Eh!
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Ok
rules

1. Do NOT settle
for anything you arn't willing to give.

2. Partnership is
not one sided, 50/50. What you put in is what you get out, and if
this doesn't add up, then get the hell out of the
relationship/friendship.

3. Get to the
point fast, I lay out my expectations at the first meeting/phone
call, of behaviours I will not tolerate. {example crimanal
activtey, pot smoking, cheeting etc...

4. If you can't
say anything nice, cut off contact.

5. Tell the truth,
it might hurt, but it will set you free {in time}

I will tell you
this, young girls play games a true woman won't. Do not settle for
the DRAMA!!!!

-Mase

December 4, 2010
12:00 am
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StronginHim77
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Based
upon what you have shared about this girl, I wouldn't be able to
concur with your description of her as "nice and sweet." There is
absolutely NOTHING nice or sweet about her behavior(s) towards
you.

It sounds like you
are very physically attracted to her (drop-dead gorgeous, right?),
so you attempted to hook up with her...albeit unsuccessfully. She
is not looking for a relationship with you; she appears to be
seeking male reassurance of her desirability. She is a "tease" (not
good in my book) and certainly not a "friend" by any definition.
Friendship necessitates tolerance, unselfishness and kindness. I
perceive none of these qualities in the dynamics of her past (or
present) connection with you.

My vote? Dump her
with NO apologies needed. Just walk away and cut her off. Your
first instinct was your BEST and CORRECT instinct. Stay with
it.

- Ma
Strong

December 4, 2010
12:00 am
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chinadoll
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Z,

Let her go
completely and out of your mind. She is playing mind games with
you.

certain people use
the term "best friend" loosely. certain people even use the term
"friend" loosely. I do not. To me, a person needs to demonstrate
that they are actually a friend to me before I would call them as
such.

This girl was
using you to stroke her own ego. She knows she is drop-dead
gorgeous, and she knows that you know that she is drop-dead
gorgeous, and she used that to manipulate you.

She puts guilt on
you because she knows that you are a kind and caring person. You
have a heart and a conscience. She will never give you the apology
or the regret that you are looking for. She might string you along
to let you think that she will, but from what I am sensing, it's
not going to be sincere, if she ever does, which I am getting she
is not.

Think about Dana,
your true friend. Think about how much she cares for you and only
wants what is best for you. And think about the fact that she does
not like this woman. Dana knows that this woman is not right for
you. She does not like to see you being treated badly. It hurts
her.

Think about Dana,
your best friend. Now think about all the things this girl did to
hurt you. Does a best friend do those things? No. She does not have
the right to say "best friend."

My boyfriend is my
best friend. I have no desire to argue with him. We have never had
an argument. If I ever do anything to hurt his feelings--never
intentional--I apologize. He knows I would never say anything or do
anything to hurt him. I have never criticized him or called him a
bad name, not even joking. He doesn't deserve that at all. He's
never even done anything that I can think of to make me mad. All
the time, he is always making me laugh and looks out for me and he
listens to me. Probably the worst thing he ever did was show up
late to pick me up one time, but it wasn't for too long, and I
wasn't even mad. He got there as soon as he could. He apologized
and explained what happened, and then he took me to get something
to eat and took me shopping.

You have no reason
to apologize to her. She needs to apologize to you, and I would say
she has to earn the right to be your friend if you ever think about
being a friend to her again. I feel she is not trustworthy. Without
trust, there is not much else to go on.

I'm sorry this
happened to you.

December 4, 2010
12:00 am
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Mase
Canada! Eh!
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There's a mouthfull chinadoll WHITH OUT TRUST THERE IS NOT MUCH
ELSE TO GO ON!!!!!Point Made....

December 4, 2010
12:00 am
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zarathustra
miami, florida
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wow,
what china doll said just broke me, think of dana. the thing is i
dont use the term friend or love loosely either, in fact i
constantly tell people to ther face that the only person i love is
the only person who has loved me when she had no reason why to love
me, and that is dana.

i know this girl
is a compulsive liar, i have caught her before many times lying and
stopped her in her tracks, but how do you know if someone is lying
when they call you their best friend? i mean she calls me her
king.i would never say something like that if i didnt mean it, i
never say love to anyone, to me my words are the only thing i have
that i can give to the people i want to give them to. i told you
she isnt a friend to me, but i cant leave her knowing that to her i
am her best friend.

December 4, 2010
12:00 am
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zarathustra
miami, florida
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i had
a really bad day, i am sorry to change the subject but i did create
this thread. dana was seeing an asshole that i do not approve of,
she broke it off, and she even admitted that i helped her make that
choice, the guy walked right up to her with a shaving razor in
hand, in public and said "i am here to shave your mustache" she
broke out in tears, for the record she doesnt have one, but like
all women she is very insecure about her looks, i want to fuck this
guy up soo much, he is what i call the deffintion of an asshole,
the fact that she ever dated him infuriates me, why cant she listen
to me for once in her life, i want to cut this guys face, i want to
scar him for life, i want stiches all over his face, god i hate
that she goes to school so far away! i just kept thinking today
while driving how much i would love to get pulled over and provoke
the cop into shooting me. that wouldnt count a suicide and it would
be an easy way for me not to do it myself, not to mention dana
couldnt hate me, since i didnt kill myself. i am sorry, this is
fucking ridiculous, what is wrong with me, i cant tell a girl to
leave me alone, but i have no problem with beating this guy with my
favorite red aluminum bat. i hate this so much, whats worse is that
i cant even e there for dana, once again she neds me and i am not
there to cheer her up, some fucking friend i am

December 4, 2010
12:00 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Z,
unfortunately there are those of us in the universe who try to say
what we mean and mean what we say all in the context of being nice.
Then there are those who take what we say and how we act and they
use it against us.

She sounds toxic
and the best thing would be to end it NOW. You will hurt for a
little while and wonder for a little while but it will hurt so much
less right now when you have so little invested in her than it will
hurt later after you have invested yourself.

Who knows maybe if
enough people call her on her treatment of them she may one day
wake up and make the necessary changes.

Bitsy

December 4, 2010
12:00 am
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hillbillygirl
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Z,

This girl sounds a
lot like a girl I knew in college. She always had a someone like
you willing to be there for her all the while dating the "assholes"
you describe. I used to feel so sorry for the "best friend" guy
because they were totally in love with her. She always had one
(still does to this day). This guy carried her books, washed her
car, and bought her dinner. They became obessessed with her and she
loved every minute of the manipulative process. She needed someone
to worship her while she spent all her energy worshiping someone
else. It feed her poor self image and made her feel beautiful to
have these men trailing after her like a lost dog. (I'm not talking
bad about her. She told me these things.) She had no intention of
dating any of the guys and just loved the power she had over them
to make them do what she wanted. When they wanted more, she would
act like it was them misunderstaning the situation and made herself
look like the victim. She left a trail of broken men and broken
hearts and didn't care at all that she did. She thought it made her
glamorous.

If this girl is
anything like this, I would tell you to get away from her and to go
and find a girl who would stay up with you at night until you fall
asleep, who will appreciate you, and will love you in return. This
chick sounds like a bit of a vampire. She feeds off your postive
energy and leaves you drained.

I'm sorry that you
are going through this and I only wish I had more words of wisdom
to share. Honestly, I never understood how and why my friend did
this to people.

December 4, 2010
12:00 am
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zarathustra
miami, florida
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wow,
hillybilly girl you just desrcibed my past year. i actually know
this about ehr, but i talk to her so much, i truly do believe or
did believe she was a good person, i thought maybe if after long
enough she would realize i just wanted the chance to make her even
more happy and she would give me that chance, now she is massivley
guilt tripping me into friendship again. she actually told me that
she was mad at me for for falling for her,she told me it was
selfish of me to do that, and how could i do that, that she just
wanted me as a friend, i felt so guilty hearing her refer to me
with such endearment that i wanted to believe she really missed me
that much. i am going to confront her with all of this. i know she
is gonig to play the ignorant card, but i am not gonig to take her
lies anymore, i will tell her if she wants i would still take her
as a woman, but she is no friend. thanks all of you, this just
really sucks. i mean if i hang in there is always that sense of
false hope that something might happen, by turning her away i
knowingly close that door. but false hope is comfort food, it may
taste good but it is bad for you, thank you all again.

December 4, 2010
12:00 am
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chinadoll
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Z,

She calls you her
best friend, but it is a lie, just like all the other lies. Deep in
your heart, you know this.

How do you tell
when someone is lying? I am able to sense it, so I have a bit more
of an advantage with that. What I can say that if you listen to
your gut, and what is behind the words, you can probably see it.
Don't listen to the words. Words are empty unless there is actions
behind the words. Words and actions have to match.

The fact that you
have already caught her in lies, it shows that she cannot be
believed when she calls you a "best friend." Do not let this affect
you. You have done nothing wrong. Her actions all along were
intentional.

She is twisting
all of the words to have you carry this guilt so that she does not
have to. She is the selfish one. She is playing with your emotions
to get her needs met. She wants to leave you on the back burner so
that if things don't work out with others, she can convince you
that you are still her "best friend."

There is no reason
to hope that anything will change, that she will have a revelation,
she has not changed since the very beginning. She is the one that
needs to prove to you that she is worthy of your friendship. You
should not have to prove anything to her, there is no reason
to.

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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zarathustra
miami, florida
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you
people seem to know this woman and me better than i do. any hope i
can sick all of you on her? thank you all again though, it doesnt
help my stupid head feel any less guilty, but i am confident about
not allowing her to weasel back in my life, i need to be more of a
man and control the situation. she cannot have me as a friend, but
she is more than welcome to have me as a man

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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Olivia B
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Honey
shenisnt someone you want. She is toying with you and she will
promise what you want to get back where shebneeds to be. You are
definately a man or you wouldn't be concerned about her feelings.
Be patient until you do someone worthy of you. Obviously there is
something pretty darn special about you or shed find someone else
to toy with. Take that knowledge and RUN AWAY!!!! She has nothing
else to offer you.

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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zarathustra
miami, florida
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ok
olivia you are a great friend and i love you, but trust me when i
say this woman has ALOT to offer lol. and i think if she had a
strong man who could honestly make her happy but not give in to her
idiotic mindgames that she would be a great person. im not saying
thats me, i would like it to be, but hey, what can i say, you spend
a year talking to a person you end up developing feelings for them.
if this girl calls me tonight and says she is sorry and she will
take me, i am over there in a blink of an eye. but that WONT
happen, so i am in the clear, i dont have to worry about feeling
guilty if she is the one who rejects me.

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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Olivia B
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You
can't change her Sully

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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zarathustra
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lol
call me old fashion, but when a girl asks you to please tell her
how you want oral sex, and she calls you late at night and wants to
know what your wearing, for some reason, a reason i cant put my
finger on, i like her, cmon girls, at the end of the day i am a
guy, i may be sensitive and sweet and all that other crap but i am
still a guy and she is a smart, sexy, fun woman who plays mindgames
like she is playing chess, its almost impossible to NOT like her,
but relax everyone, i am done with her, she is nooo good, and i
want to be good for a change, ive been bad long enough, lets see
what its like being good. besides i havent cursed anyone out in
like a month, it will be fun to use some of the insults i have in
mind. so dont worry people, i will not only shut her down, i will
make it clear that unless she wants something serious, its
over.

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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hillbillygirl
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Z,

Wow, this woman is
ruthless. She is using your feelings against you to get what she
wants. Sorry to be blunt, but she is praying on your feelings her
and twisting them to her own perverse satisfaction. You sound just
like the string of guys who would come crying to me after my
"friend" had put them through the emotional wringer. They would say
the same words including the line about it being selfish of them to
fall in love with her and blaming them for runining their
friendship. If I had a nickel for every one who asked me why she
wanted an "asshole" when all they wanted to do was make her
happy.

I know that you
care of this girl. There is no doubt about that, but is it her that
you care for or the perverted image of her that she uses to get
what she wants from you. She is an actress...before you give your
affections to her in any capacity, please make sure it is the
"real" her that you are giving that to. She's a cameleon who
changes color to suit her environment and I just wonder what color
she's being for you. Is it her own true green self or just a color
change in order to protect her from harm?

Even a friendship
is two sided with each individual giving and receiving. That
exchange may not always be equal but it should be mutual and even
though imbalanced, one should never always be the one getting
more.

I wish you luck
and peace as you move forward. May you be guided in you decisions
in a way that is what is best for you.

December 5, 2010
12:00 am
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zarathustra
miami, florida
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thans
hillbilly girl, and everyone else, i had a long talk with my true
best friend today, she recently is a little heartbroken herself, so
we were good comfort for eachother. she is really excited about
these other girls she wants me to meet, ill play along and let her
set me up, who knows what might happen?

December 6, 2010
12:00 am
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Watermoon
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Hi Z
-

If it feels good -
move in that direction. That's 'true'.

If it doesn't feel
good, it is a big red flag to watch out - something isn't true,
right.

AS my dad always
used to say, 'If it looks like shit, feels like shit, smells like
shit and tastes like shit... you can pretty much count on it BEING
shit.'

Don't settle for
shit. You have important things to do with your life - life being a
radio talk show host.

-watermoon

December 6, 2010
12:00 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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Wow
Z...in a way you had described an friend of mine I just posted
about, I was always there to compliment her, be there for her when
she wanted someone to have lunch with, but that is where it ends
with her, she goes on and on about her other friends and their fun
events like nice dinners out and etc with others and yet never
includes me, even when I said something, she was like, oh I have so
many friends, have to spread myself around! People like us who are
open, maybe a little needy get sucked into being used by people
like her! I know she is a love interest and mine is a friend, but I
see something kinda of familiar, something I put up with for way
too long all my life.

December 6, 2010
12:00 am
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zarathustra
miami, florida
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yeah,
what mine lied about the most was that she had no friends and that
she was really lonely and never went out, but i caught her lying
several tomes, she is actually a party animal, ging at least once a
week t parties in large groups, she wouldnt invite me though, which
is fine, i dont like large gatherings, but she would only call me
when hse was lonely, and lie to getmy sympathies, i knew she waa
lying but i went along with it because i liked talking to her. but
no worries people that bitch is gone, i am planning a big trip to
norht carolina where i am to be very nice and dress good for a
numbner of women they want me to meet, not that i have a choice in
the matter, they already told the girls about me, when they hell
did i get popular? seriously radom people coming back into my life,
people ive never met wanting to date me, what the hell is going
on?

December 6, 2010
12:00 am
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Watermoon
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Z-
life is full of twists and turns. we are all along for 'the ride'.
have fun with meeting all the new people.

I just have to say
that there appears to be something seriously wrong in the universe
if you are having trouble hooking up with a decent, wonderful
woman. What is up with that, already?

Maybe you should
start going to church and look for a sweet girl, there. could be
good for the drinking thing too.

-watermoon...

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