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I messed up big.... Discourged now... Luv2
October 15, 2005
10:43 pm
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luv2luvher
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Well, for the past few days I haven't been feeling well, "flu" I think. Well last night I had this awful dream about my ex. Someone came to me and told me that she has tried to commit suicide several times. So in my dream I rushed to her and she was all messed up and crying. I told her that life could be better and I asked her to reconcider marrying me. She hugged me and told me yes. I am thinking this dream was a side affect of the medicine I took prior to having this dream, but all day I thought about her. So, stupid me, I texted her "I miss you!". Well, this is where I really messed up, instead of her texting back or just plain not responding, she calls me. Stupid me answers. Well, we talked for a few minutes and then I told her I wasn't feeling well and that I was going to go get some rest, so we said bye and hung up. I don't feel any better for it, but I can tell you I don't feel any worse either. I truly think she thinks about me. I had spoke to her in over a couple of months and on my birthday she text to tell me "happy birthday". And then she calls when I text her. Call it wishful thinking or just plain desperation. I just truly miss her even after over a year has gone by. My heart belongs to her. Well, thank you all for letting me vent.... Take care, and sorry I messed up.... Much Luv, luv2

October 16, 2005
12:43 am
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lessthanalive
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dont be sorry ever for messing up. messing up is part of the package. we get to do it, its free, we learn stuff, messing up is okey-dokey. beating yourself up for it is not. i'm kinda curious what your story is. like what happened in the relationship and why you guys broke up. you can say if you want. maybe i can help ya.

October 16, 2005
1:02 am
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EJ
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September 27, 2010
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Hi Luv,

I don't blame you for feeling like you needed to check on her after a creepy dream. You can't help caring whether she kills herself! Just get back on the horse and move on.

Are you getting any counseling? You sound like you're still struggling a lot a year after the break-up. I think a good counselor could help you take your heart back.

Just a thought,
Ej

October 17, 2005
7:03 pm
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geminismiles
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Hi Luv2, I hate to admit this but it's nice to know that you guys think of us too and not all guys can just "scrape their shoe" Just curious - have the two of you ever tried no contact? if so, how long did you go without contact?

October 18, 2005
7:16 pm
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luv2luvher
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Well, it had been almost 3 months without any contact, besides her trying to call me twice which I chose not to answer. So it had been the longest stint out of the year and couple of months we been separated. It has been a really hard road since we split. I miss her every day. And I have to say just cause a guy can put on a rough exterior, we are human, we are hurting inside. Some choose to express it some don't. I for one can seem to hold it in. But I am alot stronger now then when I was first coming here a year ago.. I was a broke down train wreck... Thank you all for your support.

Much Luv,
Luv2

October 18, 2005
7:18 pm
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luv2luvher
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that sentence "I for one can seem to hold it in", should read "I for one can't seem to hold it in." 🙂

Much Luv,
Luv2

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