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I love him Too Much, But My Feelings Are in the way Of Sorting Myself Out
November 11, 2002
5:16 am
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Jess for TLC
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The Guy I love Ben, (Benny_boy) we are having a long brake and I’m trying to sort myself out and making boundaries in my life and get my life together. Well the thing is I really love him a lot I think about he all through class and after school and as coon as I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. Its driving me insane I have to stop feeling this way and try and work out my priorities first. But I want him so much I keep thinking it will be better if he was in my life because I cant handle not being there as a lover its not the say. I dream about him and need to focus but that is the thing I cant its so hard not too. Sometimes I go mad not talking to him or hearing for him. I’m going crazy I have never felt this way for a guy in my life and the thing is it feels so right. But I did love me bet he doesn’t know. Can anyone help me how I can control these feels I don’t want them to go away but so I can work out myself? Do you think I should have a relation ship while I sort myself out? I thing "no" but I feel like I need the love of ben as well as the relationship. I’m confused please help me. Loving Jess xoxoxoxo

November 11, 2002
11:17 am
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Cici
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Everything is about choices, Jess. You choose to think about Ben constantly and you will. You chose to focus on other things in your life, you will. It's hard, but if you make the effort you can do it.

OK, yell at me for saying this if you want, but you are not the first little 14 year old girl to fall in puppy love, and you won't be the last. You have to set your priorities now before it's too late.

When I was 14 I knew that I needed to focus on school. You get that stuff out of the way, and you'll find that things are a lot easier. I've learned in the 9 years since I was 14 that you simply have to focus on one thing at a time, do it well, and you will be less stressed and more relaxed.

Look, I'm not just saying stuff to make you feel bad. I've had my share of relationships, and I've lived with a few guys. It's NEVER what you imagine it will be. Men are men and mostly they make our lives more complicated. Now, BOYS are even worse because they have yet to learn the great levels of consideration they need to show to their partners. Ben (LIKE YOU) is still trying to figure out what his personality is. That's a big deal, lots of work, and you shouldn't neglect your own efforts at learning more about yourself just because you have feelings for him.

I think the problem is that you see your emotions as indepedent creations, things that simply exist in your mind. Of course that is not true. Emotions come from thoughts. If you're depressed, you're more likely to think about sad, depressing things because it keeps you in that mood. If you're happy, you'll think about happy things.

Look, I've seen you hurt and confused so many times. Realize that you are strong, and if you do it right you will grow to be a strong, self-assured, independent woman. But that's only if learning how to be independent and self-assured is high on your priority list. You decide.

Good luck.

November 11, 2002
10:00 pm
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Squeezles
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What are your goals? Where do you see yourself in 5, 10 and 15 years? Work out what you want to achieve in life and write them down so you can focus on getting there.

I think at some stage you said you wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer. You realise that that is going to take quite a bit of effort on your part to get there? Possibly 5 - 7 years after you finish school? That doesn't mean that you can't do it, just that if that is what you want, you need to start setting the foundations of good marks and study habits now. Even if you change your mind on your occupation, the grades you get in school are going to be the foundations to your future.

It's important to have friends (even boyfriends) and other interests besides school work, but everything in moderation. If your friends are making you sadder than they are happy, then think about whether they really fit your definition of a 'friend' and whether you want to be with them. I know it's important to fit in, but if you spend all your energy worrying about your friends or boyfriends, that's energy that you're not devoting to other things that are ultimately going to lead to your longer term happiness.

I think about my bf all day, every day too *smile*, but I also have work that needs to be done. I sometimes get distracted by my bf (staring at his picture, writing him emails, reading his, chatting to him on the phone), but I know that ultimately I'm just doing a disserve to myself because I'm not doing what I'm meant to be doing. By all means, think of him through out the day, but regulate when you do it. Reward yourself for doing an hour or so of work by getting up and doing something fun like watching TV or going for a walk or ringing your bf (or whatever), but use your designated work times for doing work.

I know you're just trying to figure out what you're life is all about. You'll get there in time - we all had to go through what you're going through at some stage. Have fun, but don't lose sight of the big picture.

November 11, 2002
10:28 pm
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irishlass
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Hi, Jess, ..slow down horsie, you are a little filly, completely understandable...when i was a teenager all i could think about was ..- what will i wear tomorrow, how will i put my hair, and will HE come and talk to me at my locker or when i am walking home or with the girls?? Guys can smell desperation a mile away..kind of like animals..it is a primal thing..the minute they sense it..they gallop away..yea, it is a horse analogy or methaphor...can't remember which - but my point is this..RELAX, TAKE YOUR TIME..I know you live in the NOW, tomorrow never comes for a teenager..have faith in yourself..you will get what you need if you stop needing it so bad..interest yourself in other things at school..just to get a grip on what is important..try it on for size..but make the goal small, and don't make it about Ben!!! (Benney Boy) LOL.

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