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I love him but ...
March 19, 2001
5:01 pm
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darksugar
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September 24, 2010
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I really love my boyfriend of 6 months but he is so paranoid. He thinks that I am cheating on him but I'm not. He's been hurt so much in his life but i don't think he should judge me...He's really driving me crazy with these accusations..i don't want to leave him but i still don't know what to do.

March 19, 2001
8:29 pm
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Molly
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September 30, 2010
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Dating is to weed out the wants from don't wants, and this sounds like a don't want. 6 months is not nearly long enough to be in love, your still supposed to be in lust, but how do you lust after a paranoid. heed the warning, it most likely will get worse, and since you have the name brown sugar, you must be pretty sweet, and can get someone else, with out having to explain where, and what your doing all the time. I bet, if you were to ask all the women who deal with domestic violence, they would say they ignored the clues like this one. pack and run, after 6 months who needs this?

March 20, 2001
2:41 pm
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Ladeska
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September 27, 2010
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Hate to say it, but it needs to be said to you.....people who accuse are usually the ones doing it or thinking about it. They don't trust themselves.....so they project that ugly stuff onto "you". Don't wear it. It's not yours to wear. People like this are not in that zone that says - I take responsibility for my own actions. They'd rather scapegoat it off onto other people. Bad situation for you to be. He will always do this to you unless he has some good therapy and is willing to do some intense self work. That takes time, so my question to you is - ya got 10 years of your life to gamble away here? Ya got even one year that you're willing to throw away? Because the odds are against you - big time. You.....need to be selective and to see warning signs like this and then make a decision about it and move on. Otherwise, you get caught up in a cycle of codependency and abuse. The time to move - is now. And don't try to fix him either. He doesn't need a mother and he will resent you for it. It has to come from him. He's weak and you need to see that for what it is.

March 20, 2001
4:46 pm
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jillian
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September 24, 2010
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A big high fiver to you, Ladeska! You've been there too and it is ugly and uncomfortable. I was there and left my suspicious (he was cheating, I was not) paranoid (he was smoking pot) abusive (it was never about me) codependant (that was about me) realtionship over ten years ago. It lasted for seven precious years of my life. Those years are toast, but I learned ALOT!! Still, SEVENTEEN years later I am healing from that extremely destructive relationship. My advice to Darksugar, love yourself as you would love anyone else. Make yourself the priority. Get some counseling to find out why you picked this guy in the first place, or if he picked you, why would you consider staying. Draw the line: tell him to knock off the false accusations or else. And you know what the "or else is". Don't hang around long enough to allow him to RUIN you! I guarantee that it will happen!!!

March 21, 2001
12:37 pm
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azza
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love really hurts sometimes dear...but this really teaches you how to deal with life...maybe this is just a beginning for you to start out with something that can put you in the first place...maybe with a new step from you,things start to change....have a deep thought on this darksugar...

March 21, 2001
6:22 pm
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Ladeska
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Hey Jillian, so glad to see you where you are girlfriend. And it is soooo hard when you are in the jungle and webwork of it all. That's why it's so important for those who have been there and deeply understand to talk straight to others, to empathize but to also say - hey, I know the way out - please listen as much as you can.

It all takes time....and we have to be so very patient with ourselves and to acknowledge that life taught us over many years how to be dysfunctional and it may take some years to walk out of it. But every step is precious and is to be celebrated by us. The best thing we can do is to sharpen up our radar and learn to listen to it "first". It is our best defense. We know many things....we do not acknowledge. We need to listen and tune out alot of noise from other people that have only their selfish needs up on the screen for us to see. We matter and we need to do something about that. It's not being selfish - it's being responsible for our own wellbeing.

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