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I love him and he loves me. We just can't make it work. How do I let go?
February 26, 2006
3:31 pm
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Please any suggestions... I need to let go of this man, but on beautiful days like these, when we used to go out together... I really miss him today.

We broke up last night. How can I let him go?

February 26, 2006
3:53 pm
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mj
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(((((((((Artist)))))))))))))

Is this what you truly want?

February 26, 2006
3:55 pm
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I don't... I'm confused...

You are a Godsend MJ. I'm so lonely right now. Thank you for answering.

February 26, 2006
3:57 pm
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mj
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I found this online....to share

The Power of Letting Go

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us. - Joseph Campbell

We must learn to let go, to give up, to make room for the things we have prayed for and desired. - Charles Fillmore

The hardest part of anything is the beginning, and the second hardest part is letting go when it's the end. - E. Fritz

There's an important difference between giving up and letting go. - Jessica Hatchigan

As I started to picture the trees in the storm, the answer began to dawn on me. The trees in the storm don't try to stand up straight and tall and erect. They allow themselves to bend and be blown with the wind. They understand the power of letting go. Those trees and those branches that try too hard to stand up strong and straight are the ones that break. Now is not the time for you to be strong, Julia, or you, too, will break. - Julia Butterfly Hill

Writers have to get used to launching something beautiful and watching it crash a burn. They also have to learn when to let go control, when the work takes off on its own and flies farther than they even planned or imagined, to places they didn't know they knew. All makers must leave room for the acts of the spirit. But they have to work hard and carefully, and wait patiently to deserve them. - Ursula K. LeGuin

The Tao Te Ching says, When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. Have you ever struggled to find work or love, only to find them after you have given up? This is the paradox of letting go. Let go, in order to achieve. Letting go
is God's law. - Mary Manin Morrissey

This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet. - Rumi

Trying creates impossibilities, letting go creates what is desired. - Stalking Wolf, Apache elder

Sit quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself. - Zen saying

February 26, 2006
3:58 pm
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mj
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I am always here for you Artist. I am so glad I showed up. Talk to me about what happened.

February 26, 2006
4:01 pm
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mj
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I was searching for inspirational help when you posted. I hope that you know I am still here!

February 26, 2006
4:07 pm
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Well... we got into it over his reading and writing email while I was over visiting him. I told him it felt like he was bringing in another person into the house when were supposed to be having a quiet intimate time. No matter how I put it, he always seems to think I get upset over "little" things. He blames me for all the troubles in our relationship. We were up til really late arguing and trying to work it out.

We finally came to a point where he was saying if I can't quite picking on him, he can't be with me. I said if he can't stop belittling my feelings I can't be with him. I can't express my feelings without his feeling picked on. Neither one of us could give.

I left after that because it was so late and I had to get up early.

February 26, 2006
4:10 pm
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mj
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Artist...I understand the power struggles. My hubby and I use to do that daily. I am not sure what happened but they rarely occur anymore. Its like both of you want to be respected and not feel disrespected. I think this is common. Was it important that he give you his undevoted time? Does that make you feel more loved?

February 26, 2006
4:10 pm
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He blames me because I speak up with something annoys me. He says why can't I just not sweat the little stuff? But, I dont' feel loved unless he can listen to me and accept my feelings. He doesn't feel loved if I do express them. I think it's pretty apparent that it won't work. I do miss him terribly though.

February 26, 2006
4:13 pm
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In the past, I felt like my hubby didn't listen to my needs. Eventually I learned that he felt controlled. Now who wants to be controlled? Not I nor He. When I learned to focus on myself and my part in the disagreement....and desire a healthy loving relationship...all the fighting seems so petty. A question to ask is "How Important is this" in the scope of Life? When I ask myself if this will matter a month from now, I let it go.

February 26, 2006
4:15 pm
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When you speak up, do you do it in a kind respectful manner?

February 26, 2006
4:16 pm
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Of course. It's a respect thing. My complaint (and I'm soooo tired...) is that he often will go off and email or talk on the phone while we are together. We don't live together, so when we get together it's planned date kind of situation. So, when we make time for each other I feel it's up to both to make it quality time. I don't think he sees our time together as any different from painting his house, because he treats it that way. Yes, it makes me feel unimportant to him. I've been with men who have given me their undivided attention when on dates. He just doesn't do it.

February 26, 2006
4:18 pm
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Artist....Do you want this relationship to work? Is this the tape you keep playing when you reach a tough spot?

For me, it was easier to leave then figure it out. I kept leaving and wanting to be with him so then I quit leaving and trying calming myself before I reacted. Now I know that I want to be in this relationship so that's not an option....leaving.

Is there a reoccuring pattern in old relationships? You are important. Your feelings are important. Self Validate!

February 26, 2006
4:19 pm
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I meant of course to the previous post. When I speak to him I speak directly, but lately it's been with frustration. This issue of emailing invitations and getting on the computer when I'm around has been since we got together. He has heard about it, but has made no effort to stop. It feels disrespectful. And so, after repeating the request many times, I jsut get frustrated and it comes out in my voice. I don't yell though.

February 26, 2006
4:24 pm
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Yes, it's a pattern. I'm sick. I keep ending up with these guys who can't be with me because I end up pushing them away with my frustration. They give up or run away.

Maybe I need to stay away from him but it's not what I want to do. I miss him!!

February 26, 2006
4:24 pm
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mj
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So what I hear is that you asked him to give you his undivided attention and he is unwilling to stop his world when you are present. Seriously, It seems like a ego thing in a sense. If you think I am important to you then when we are together, you will be present...all of you. Boy can I relate. I feel the same entitlement.

I am learning that a healthy relationship is about separate time and togetherness. It takes a balance of both. So how often to you spend time with your boyfriend?

February 26, 2006
4:28 pm
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You mean it sounds like an ego thing about him or for me? I think you mean he's got an ego... not sure.

We see each other three or four times a week, but in big bunches over the weekend.

I wish I knew the words I could say that would clearly communicate everyting I wanted to say. I get so frustrated it doesnt' come out at all or come out the way I want it.

February 26, 2006
4:28 pm
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Artist...You are Loveable! Just take a breath. Realize that Relationships are Complex. Its two individuals coming together with all their past stuff and trying to make it work. It takes time. Is he worth it? Are you willing to change? You can only change yourself...no one else.

I found I had a lot to work on without trying to work on hubby!

February 26, 2006
4:31 pm
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Oh, I work on myself... I'm doing a program or two...

Let me ask you, did it sound like his ego thing or my ego thing that he is not willing to give me his undivided attention when we are together?

Is that asking for too much?

I wonder what another man would say?

February 26, 2006
4:32 pm
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I was referring to myself! I have a big prideful ego! I thought I reckonized that in you too but I might be mistaken. If you are frusturated communicating here....can you imagine throwing in love, hurt feelings, and past history...and presto....You have a fight. Communication is Hard. I struggle with my words as well. Sometimes it takes saying them a different way to make the connection with someone else.
When I use the term ego....It isn't a bad thing. Its just Ego!

February 26, 2006
4:34 pm
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Oh, I got it. Your feedback is big REALLY big. Thank you MJ (((((((((mj))))))))

February 26, 2006
4:35 pm
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mj
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Do you struggle with similar feeling in your friendships?

February 26, 2006
4:39 pm
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mj
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You asked what another man would say? Does it matter? Your man says he thinks it's small stuff. You are in a relationship with him. Is it small stuff to write an email or talk on the phone? Since I am married to my man, he does this more than communicating with me and I love it. When we first got together he smothered me. He finally got more comfortable and is being unafraid of me leaving. We get moments of intimacy spread with lots of the mundane day to day survival.

You stated it was a beautiful day today. Why not just enjoy it with your Man! Sounds like more fun than talking to me 🙂

February 26, 2006
4:41 pm
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((((((((Artist))))))))

I need to go pick up my tax amendment! Good to share with you on this beautiful Sun Day! Love to YOU

February 26, 2006
4:54 pm
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Thanks MJ!

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