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I lost my Therpist, feeling lost
September 20, 1999
1:30 am
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Pat
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I lost my Therpist in June, due to Managed Healthcare. He lost his job for the same reason. I haven't been able to let this go. I have depression, and I know that I still need therapy, but it's hard to even think about starting all over again with someone new. When you read about how to chose a Therapist, mine had all of the good qualities suggested. I feel like I'm grieving someone's death. I don't feel like I can go on to someone new. I was making progress, and now I feel it all slipping away. I know that this happens to others. Please tell me how you have dealt with this.

September 21, 1999
12:52 am
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searching
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Been there. It is awful. It can be extremely painful. Just know that the progress you have made it still there under all the pain. You just have to believe it. Let yourself have time to grieve but as soon as you can start looking again. There are a lot of good people out there and they can help you work through your loss.

I got through a similar experience by making myself have faith, giving myself the permission to cry and cry and then cry some more and taking the time to go inside. Finally I got up and decided I was worth the effort and went back out into the world.

For me it was a true loss but I got through it and so will you.

Take care.

September 21, 1999
12:28 pm
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Anonymous
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dear pat
in this time of broken families, little extended family or support from neighbors and friends (we have become an alienated society with the onflux of modern time) we have basically placed therapists in the role of friends and families. In the past we would discuss our problems with our loved ones but unfortunately because of the downfalls of modern society, the family is no longer together. This causes a lot of depression, stress and anxiety. There are high expectations on women to raise a family and have a career and usually have no one or few people to talk to to let off this steam and get back support.
This loss to you is a strong loss and needs to be acknowledged, felt and released. In the future it is important to find a therapist who fosters independence and personal recovery (with exercises that you can do at home or with friends etc) and you feel a growing inner strength with. Blessings

September 21, 1999
2:20 pm
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rebate
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Pat,

I can understand what you are going through. I found a new therapist last year when I could no longer work with my old one. It was a big decision for me. Yes I was very concerned about "Starting Over" with a stranger. On the other hand, I convinced myself that it was a positive move. I even started to look at it as a "second Chance". I knew more about therapy this time and I could avoid the mistakes I made the first time.

Well, it worked. I found a wonderful therapist that has helped me imensely. And I have avoided the pit falls I experienced before.

Ironicly, I have been dealing with a similar situation the last couple of weeks. My current therapist is on vacation for 3 weeks and I have truly missed our sessions. We were just getting to a very critical point in my healing. I know it is different because mine will be back, but I have found ways to help myself in his absence. Write in a journal. Read some good, informative books on your particular problems. Also try writing things you would tell your therapist if you were seeing him. Believe it or not, that helps a LOT!

Good Luck

September 27, 1999
7:14 am
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Brittainy
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I am going to lose my therapist soon and I feel so lost. She has seen me for 4 years and has been so supportive. I know I still need counselling, yet am afraid to start up with someone new incase they will not be as good as her. Please could you send me a reply. Thanks. Brittainy

September 28, 1999
2:23 am
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looking
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Hi Pat and Brittainy,

It is so hard to find good therapists. I posted some place else on this list about finding a good group therapy. I called my old therapist and he was totally unhelpful. Sent me a story about opening my heart but didn't give me any specific leads. What is up witht that? That is why I we had problems. I ask for specifics and he would do his own thing.

Then I called my job's officially referral office and so far I haven't heard back. I went online to look. Nothing. I am willing to try harder to find alternatives but I need a little help.

I don't have tons of money for this. I am getting a divorce and I am in school. I feel STUCK. So I understand that it is difficult without a good helping hand.

September 28, 1999
8:51 am
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Brittainy
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It's so hard finding a real good therapist once you have lost one you have had for years. I am hoping to find an equally good therapist who deals with my sort of problems which is dissociation and abuse. I welcome and advice. Thanks for replying. Brittainy

September 28, 1999
1:09 pm
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grace
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Brittainy - have you asked your current therapist for referrals? Wish I could help you more. Good luck.

Looking - it took me a while to find a new therapist and it was quite discouraging at times, especially with empty leads, but I finally found one that I really like. Does your school have a counseling center? If you don't want to see one of your campus counselors, maybe you could get a few referrals. I got some names from the yellow pages, from calling the social work department in a major hospital nearby, and from asking all my doctors (even dentist).

It is hard to start over again, but like Rebate said, the good part is you can avoid pitfalls of the previous therapy relationship. I've discovered that "starting over" doesn't have to mean "starting ALL over" because I was able actually build on the work I've already done so I think of it as my old work gave me a head start in my new therapy relationship. The second time around I knew more about what I needed and what works for me. The different personality/perspective/techniques of my new therapist is actually exciting and nice. I still miss my first therapist sometimes though.

Don't give up.

September 29, 1999
12:01 am
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looking
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Well I finally called today and got a referral for a new therapist. Hopefully they will have a group too. Actually everything went well today. Really well. Lots of support and attention.

Weird how that all works.

I am hopeful. Thanks.

September 29, 1999
7:18 am
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Brittainy
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Hi everyone, thank you all for your support. I suffer from Multiple Personalities and it is so hard finding someone who understands the subject. I was diagnosed seven years ago, and have had loads of help, but still need help. It is so reasurring knowing I am not the only person suffering. Keep the messages coming. Take care. Brittainy.

October 5, 1999
10:29 am
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Brittainy
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Hi everyone. I've not heard from anyone lately. I hope you are all ok. Hope to hear from you soon.
Take care.

October 5, 1999
3:16 pm
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rebate
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Pat,

Are you out there? Did you find someone to talk to? Let us know.

My Therapist is back from Vacation and I will see him tonight. It has been a long 3 weeks. I have a lot to talk about. I wrote so much in my Journal that we couldn't possibly get through it all in one session. But at least I will be able to get some of it off my mind. I think I have really made a lot of discoveries.
And, most importantly, I am finally ready to open up and talk about them. That is a huge step for me.

Everybody take care

October 11, 1999
9:32 am
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Brittainy
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Hi, time is going so fast, my therapist will soon be leaving, I've started looking around for another one, but can't seem to find one who deals with my particular problems. There is still so much work to be done. I am so frightened of ending up in hospital again. I am trying to be positive, it helps talking to you guys, you are all brilliant. Take care

October 11, 1999
3:20 pm
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dancer
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I.m just considering talking to a counselor, but after reading about you people who are about to lose theirs, Idon'y know what to do. What if I start and she leaves in a few months time. I am hoping that Counseling will help me. My doctor says it normally takes about six weeks to get over my problems which is a violent relationship (12 years) How do I talk over twelve years in six weeks and what if I decide to continue and then she leaves, I see some of you have had therapy for four years. If it takes that long to get over somethng, I may as well not start. I don't want to upset any apple carts. I admire you all but I need some encouragement just to take that first step

October 11, 1999
3:58 pm
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Brittainy
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Dancer, don't give up. My therapist is great and has done so much for me in four years. Six weeks does not sound long enough to help get over your relationship problems. Seek out a therapist and ask how long does she intend you will need. Unfortunately therapists do leave their practice. Mine is retiring very soon, but keep trying. I know it is expensive but well worth it. Good luck. Keep the messages coming in.

October 12, 1999
8:18 pm
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dancer
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Britainy. Thankyou for your response, I know I.m going to have to face my problems, but I feel just getting a response from someone has helped a bit. I've made the decision that therapy may work. Imight as well try, but I am so scared. I'm afraid my therapist will abuse me, just like every other**** has done in my life. I can't help it, it's like I want to get abuse, I want everybody to treat me badly because that's all I'm worth. I've looked at some of your other responses to other problems. Maybe, you should concentrate on your own problems for a while. Don't take on others responsibilities, don't try and take on so much, relax, I'm telling you this because this is what I want to do for myself. I hope you can learn to relax and I hope that one day, you will find the peace you deserve. I see from your replies to others threads that you are so caring, but maybe if you let go and stop giving so much, you will take care of you, You'e got four years behind you and I'm just starting. I hope we can talk like this for a while. Give yourself the time, the space and the care you give to others to yourself.

Take care, dancer

October 13, 1999
8:37 am
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Brittainy
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Hi Dancer, thank you for replying to my message. Please go into therapy, it really does help and you won't be abused, I know that is easy for me to say, but no good therapist would abuse you or your trust. You deserve the best and you are worth the best, believe me, you are. Yes, I am caring, but I love helping others, whenever I can I will help, but I know that I can tell you when I'm feeling low. The help I receive by your messages helps me and makes me feel worthwhile. Take care and keep the messages coming in.
Tomorrow I have a meeting with the people who provide care for me, e.g. Social Worker, Doctor, Therapist. I usually have these meetings every 6 months, they are good because I know there are people who want to help me. I will miss my therapist when she leaves I must be honest about that, I'm not sure how I'll cope yet I just take it a day at a time. Bye for now

October 13, 1999
11:19 am
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Dear Brittainy, dancer gave you some good advice there, take care and love yourself first before doing for others for we can not truly love or support another untill our own cup is full.
Dancer, it is understandable that you have trust issues after all you have suffered. It is important to understand taht the majority of the population on this planet are pretty good people and there are a lot of earth angels out there, i promise you. We are all basically seeking love and self knowledge/growth through whatever we do. Please try not to judge others as 'bad" or "good" they just are, some will go out of their way to hurt and violate others but these people are truly the ones in pain and desperation. It is important to build boundaries for yourself and this is only done once you start to do things for yourself as if you were a child, reparent yourself, start over. What do you love? What have you always wanted to do but didint? Do you have hobbies? Do you have a health problem, put this first and foremost and dont be afraid to take help. You deserve to be in great health and lead a life of joy, als o do not alienate yourself, we need our human connection to others to be healthy and heal. blessings Dancer. There are many women here like you, I am a recovering abused woman, I was also abused as a child, I know all about the trust stuff, but it is for you to learn and experience yourself. Try to create a spiritual life for yourself and do believe that there is a power great er than yourself that will help restore your trust, pray to your higher power every day and listen to your inner voice......take baby steps, dont over whelm yourself..god bless

October 13, 1999
2:38 pm
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dancer
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Brittainny, Thankyou. I've got to see my doctor on Monday. I will take him up on his offer, I think I get six sessions through health insurance and have to pay after. I hope my counselor is nice, but the thought leaves me trembling. I know how to love others, but it seems I somehow attract abusive men into my life. Are they all so bad. Tears, thankyou for your kind words of encouragement, I know there must be some nice people in the world, but I seem to upset them. What I want to do is take your advice and start over, put everything behind me. I'm on my own now and I can do it. It's funny but although my relationship is over, it's like I want him back, it's like I want to get abused all over again. It's not that he meant to hit me. I just got him angry. A wife is supposed to love and support their husband, and he never hit real hard, like I got bruised.What hurts more is the emotional pain, and I can't seem to get my friends to understand what it is like. I think you guys do and that helps? Good luck Brittainy tomorrow, and please take care because if you don't look after yourself, you won't be able to look after others

October 14, 1999
2:51 pm
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Hi Dancer, its great that you went to see your doctor and its even better that you've got a therapist. Go for it, let yourself feel, it is painful but well worth it. My meeting was not too bad a bit stressful, but reading your messages has made me realise that I've got to take care of myself, and that is what i'll do. thanks for your messages. Please keep writing in.

Hi tears, Thank you for your message, as I've said to dancer I am going to take more care of myself now because i do get stressed at times. It is really great receiving messages. Keep them coming. God bless.

October 18, 1999
3:15 pm
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Guess what. Brittainy, I've seen a counselor for the first time. I went to the doctor and he gave me a letter. I phoned this woman, who could see me within an hour, I almost dropped to the floor. But I went and she was real nice. I don't think anything happened today, most of the time was taken up by detail, doctor, name, stuff about confidential, like she keeps quiet about what I tell her. She says though, that although it's my decision to see my husband, she reckons I shouldn't see him for about six weeks at least until this is over, but she said that if I felt like carrying on after the six weeks, she would let the doctor know, so I might not have to pay. It's real strange, I told her loads of stuff, but I don't think she asked any questions. It's like she didn't ask outright, she sort of phrased things in a way that I could talk back to her. For the first time in my life, I didn't feel threatened by another person, how was that, but I felt that I don't deserve her attention. We talked for about 1hr 15 minutes, but next week, she says it will be exactly for an hour, I hope you are taking things a bit more slowly, glad to hear that your
meeting was not too bad, oh she said that if this internet stuff helps it's OK

October 21, 1999
9:08 am
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Brittainy
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Hi dancer Congratulations on finding a counsellor. It will seem strange at first because a counsellor does not ask direct questions. It is great that you feel comfortable with this person, I feel so pleased for you. It would be even beter if you got therapy free!!
I am slowing down a bit now. Next week I'm off to Italy for a vacation, I'm really looking forward to it. Take care and good luck.

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