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i like to bottle my feelings....
November 21, 2000
6:11 pm
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sarah82
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I have a rather irritating and self-destructive habit of bottling up my problems. I am quite young, but I have been through many rough times in my short life. My boyfriend recently mentioned to me that he doesn't think i can talk to him about things that are important to me. I always avoid talking about things, and I feel like if i ignore things and tell people my problems don't bother me, that they eventually wont bother me. I know this isn't right, but I don't know how to open up to people because I feel like nobody will understand. Even writing this is difficult for me, I like to keep my feelings to myself. I have a problem trusting people, and I don't know how to talk about my feelings. I was brought up in a home where nobody talked about how they were feeling. I am 17 years old, and my mother does not speak to me. I live with my dad, but I don't really have a "relationship" with anyone related to me. I never talk about these things to any of my friends, and I always tell them I don't want to talk about it and that i dont care if any of them ask me questions about it. This really frustates them, especially my boyfriend. But I know for a fact he wouldn't understand anything I told him, and I dont want him to not know what to say or feel bad for me. I think that when people complain about their parents problems and use them to justify what is going wrong in their life, that they are completely ridiculous. But I don't want to end up like my parents, and I dont want to raise the kids that I have someday in the same kind of environment that I had growing up. So, I am wondering....in order to not be like my parents one day and have no relationship with my children, should i share my feelings with my close friends and learn how to discuss things that upset me? or should i continue to keep them to myself? keep in mind it is very difficult for me to be serious and to share my feelings with people.

November 21, 2000
6:39 pm
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Dexy
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To Sarah82

I have the same problem as you bottling up my feelings. I am a very private person and don't like telling anyone how I feel. I come from a broken home, my parents separated twice, the first time my mother tried to commit suicide and I never talked to anyone about that because I couldn't. Now I am a solo mother, my relationship ended because my ex-partner said that I wouldn't talk about how I was feeling and it stayed that way for about a year after we separated which was one of the worst years of my life. I still keep things to myself so I know how horrible it can make you feel inside. I don't have any close friends that I can talk to, you mention that you do so I would say start off slowly, tell them as much as you are comfortable with and take it from there. You are very lucky you have close friends to confide in, I wish I did and I do know how you are feeling.

November 22, 2000
7:00 pm
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Molly
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I would suggest not to burdon such deep emotional stuff and it is deep going back into the childhood, most likely stemming from the divorce of your parents, with your friends, or spouses, but seek counseling. They are educated, and can give unbiased, ( hopefully) support, with out jepordizing relations. Just what is a friend or spouse to do with a bag of turmoil?

November 23, 2000
7:21 am
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cerry
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Hi Sarah,

Well done. You opened up and yes, I understand as a stranger looking in. You might be surprised to realize that there are alot of people out there that have the same situation as yourself. In regards to your boyfriend he does have a point. If he cares, maybe he wants to help. We can't read minds but we can listen. You lived in an environment where you were not able to express your self and it is concerning to me why you dont' trust individuals with your feelings unless you have been hurt along the way or told not to say anything. If you are in a relationship with someone it is trusting that person with your feelings and building a bridge between you and him or whoever else for that matter. You state that you want to have a family one day and that you don't want your children to go through what you did well,,,,, thats where it starts with you. You have to show them that. I am sorry that you were not able to express yourself then and bottle your feelings. If you look at it this way, eventually the bottle will over flow. If you care for your boyfriend try sharing something , little things at first and then in time feel comfortable. Little steps... Take care Sarah, and share with us. Were here and were listening....Cerry

November 23, 2000
7:29 am
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radar2
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Dear Sarah,
I totally understand how you are feeling. I have a hard time opening up to people too. I've totally lost trust in people because I've been hurt too many times. I'm trying to improve, but it is really hard. My advise is be careful who you open up to.

November 23, 2000
8:59 am
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sarah82
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Hi Cerry,
Thanks for your help. You said you don't understand why i dont trust people, well, i have trusted people before enough to tell them these things, but those relationships ended very badly and one i was depressed about for a very long time. i trusted this person with all my heart, and at the time, i had thought we had a good relationship. but later i found out some things about this person that i had no idea about, and that they flat out lied to me about many things. i couldnt believe how deceived i had been, and i havent been able to get over that, even now, and that was almost two years ago. and my family is big on making promises that they never keep. so i decided to prevent myself from getting hurt again and again, and just to not trust people at all. and my boyfriend also has a problem with this, but of course he would, i dont blame him. i tried to explain that to him, but i dont think he understands. he said "it was only one person and not everybody is like that." and i know thats true, but how do i know who is like that and who isnt? the problem i have with bottling my feelings stems on my lack of trust for everyone. but how do you go from not trusting anyone to trusting even one person? i want to trust people, but i always stop myself when i think of what has happened before. i dont want to trust the wrong person. and i used to think i was a good judge of character, but since that last time, i have no idea. Thank you everyone who posted a note.

November 24, 2000
1:46 am
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jenafair
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Hi Cerry,
I too have grown up in a home where feelings were not expressed, there was a lot of criticism and tension. I didn't realize that it is ok to express emotions and feeling until my husband left he said we never talked about inner feelings probably becaucse I didn't know how. I have a few close girlfriends I trust and we share out feelings, but it took a divorce for me to see that I needed to share my feelings connect. I still have trouble trusting men always thinking they are like my ex. My advice take small steps be courageous what do u have to lose? I feel better when I reach out and not so lonely. I have found this will enrich your life and others. Take care Jenafair

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