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I left him Saturday...
April 9, 2007
9:03 pm
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Sakti
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Well, some of the fog has cleared for now. This isn't about him, its about me and why I keep picking the same man and the only thing that changes is their last name. I will keep getting this lesson, I hope if I get it again it I will do better because when I incarnate I want to give someone a soul that has learned a few things on this journey. As soon as I figure out what I've learned in this lesson I will let ya'll know.

I probably sound cold, well I'm angry and hurt, that's why...:-(

I told him on March 10th that I could no longer continue to live with him getting high and the next time he did I was going to leave him. Friday night he got high and Saturday morning I left. I'm staying with my parents right now until I can untangle the mess I've created for myself. I thought at first I just wanted a seperation, but this morning I stopped by the house before work and he was getting high again. I love him and I know he loves me but the disease of addiction is more powerful than him right now and I can't live with a disease. That is all he is right now is a walking, festering disease.

I called an attorney today and they want $1,500 for a seperation and $349 for a divorce, I see him Wednesday morning. I wouldn't do this as hastly but he and his cousin have started a business together and it is run under the table. If they get busted by the IRS I will be responsible for some of the debt, I believe. Does anyone know for sure?

Anyway, with all that said it still isn't about him....I'm the problem!!!

Blessing,
Sakti

Missed you all!

April 9, 2007
10:01 pm
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thedogsmom
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((((Sakti))) I am so sorry for you. I too am trying to leave my addict. I commend you for your strength in saying what you meant and following through with breaking up with him. It is not easy. I am harboring anger and rage- one moment and then sadness and grief the next. It is Madness.
That is what I told myself just this morning. That I would begin to look at my bf as if he were METH himself. A disease that I do not want to catch.
He is destroying me.

The lesson to be learned is in learning more about myself and why I stayed as long as I did and accepted so much dishonesty and disrespect as I did from him. I am on my exciting journey to become Codependent no more and I know that I will be a much happier guilt-free person IF I stay on this path. Hope you continue to do the same. My heart bleeds for you too.
TDM

April 10, 2007
11:24 am
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lettingo
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Saki,
My heart goes out to you because I just recently divorced my addict husband. I loved him and I know he loved me but his disease had gotten so bad I really had not choice. Good for you sticking to your guns and "saying what you mean and meaning what you say". That is so hard for us co-addicts. I remember when my ex finished a work release jail sentence I told him if it happened one more time we were done and he agreed. When he started using prescription speed I filed for a separation but before it was "officially" filed by the courts, I had my attorney convert it to a divorce. OMG the pain in that decision but my head KNEW it was right. My heart struggled beyond words. Today, almost a month past my divorce I am doing so much better. Things really do get better. Then nightmare does end. Keep posting and keep taking one step at a time. This is a hard road but it can be done. "We" can do it with the help of each other.

April 10, 2007
12:11 pm
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dustpuff
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My heart goes out to you too. I am the victim of addiction. It is a very hard road to go down. The wounds it leaves are deep.

You are right though, it is not about him. It is about you. We become addicted to the addict. The only person you can save is yourself.

You made the comment that you keep picking the same man but with different names. So, am I to assume that this is not the first addict that you have loved? My first love was an addict, my first husband was an addict and my last husband was an addict. I have the problem.

You also mentioned wanting to give someone a soul that has learned a few things. I have been wondering what did I do so wrong in my past life that I deserve this? Why didn't I learn it the first time? Why am I facing all this bad karma?

lettingo is right though. It does get better. You just have to detach and start a life built around you and what you want. I am not saying it is easy.

I used to see my husband as the devil. I thought the devil had taken over his body and soul and I don't know that he will ever get it back. I think he is to far gone.

Hang in there. This is a good place. I may not know a lot but I do know how much it hurts.

((((saki))))

April 10, 2007
1:29 pm
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lettingo
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dustpuff, I really don't think we did anything or this is even about karma. I went through the list of men for my therapist and we did this little analysis and when she finished she said "can you see that every man has either been an addict or unavailable? Only one out of the 7 was unavailable the rest delt with addiction in some form or another. I believe this is about repeating what is familar or patterns from our childhood and trying to work through painful issues. I don't even think these men have a lot to do with anythign except they represent winning that old struggle with perhaps a parent. For me, it is being raised by an unavailable father and an adult child of an alcoholic mother. That is why these relationships have such a strong hold on me and are so painful. They represent those old feelings that become so fresh. This is really explain in the book "Women Who Love Too Much". Today, my goal is to continue Alanon and therapy because if I don't get help I KNOW I will go out and find myself in another unhealthy relationship and I just don't think I will survive another one.

April 10, 2007
5:15 pm
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lettingo
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Sakti
One more thing. Where I live, three months after filing for a separation, whatever finances my ex incurred were no longer my responsibility. See if the works the same for you.

April 11, 2007
4:39 pm
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Sakti
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Thanks to all that posted and gave me encourgement.

Sakti

April 16, 2007
5:48 pm
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readytobefree
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I am not sure which state you live in but in dealing with the IRS if you file taxes as married and your ex doesn't pay taxes that may be due you can apply for innocent spouse relief. Check it out online at irs.gov.

If you are divorced before the ending of the tax year then you won't be filing married regardless and you should not be held liable for any taxes due to his business unless it is part of your divorce settlement.

I know how stressful this is...my spouse and I just seperated and he has been subcontracting since Jan. and has no funds set aside to pay taxes come the end of the year.

We are not legally seperated just yet but I need to set up an appt. and inquire as to what my responsibilities may be or move along to divorce....it is all so frustrating!

Good luck with your choices and getting back on your feet without the chaos. I know it is worth the pain you go through to get to the other side and live without the craziness that addicts bring to the table.

April 16, 2007
5:51 pm
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readytobefree
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I am not sure which state you live in but in dealing with the IRS if you file taxes as married and your ex doesn't pay taxes that may be due you can apply for innocent spouse relief. Check it out online at irs.gov.

If you are divorced before the ending of the tax year then you won't be filing married regardless and you should not be held liable for any taxes due to his business unless it is part of your divorce settlement.

I know how stressful this is...my spouse and I just seperated and he has been subcontracting since Jan. and has no funds set aside to pay taxes come the end of the year.

We are not legally seperated just yet but I need to set up an appt. and inquire as to what my responsibilities may be or move along to divorce....it is all so frustrating!

Good luck with your choices and getting back on your feet without the chaos. I know it is worth the pain you go through to get to the other side and live without the craziness that addicts bring to the table.

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