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i know there is a lot of traffic going through here and no one even acknowledges my suicide thread -thanks
February 16, 2007
10:53 pm
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jewel
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I have nothing left to say, but that no one cares so I will get the hell out of here.

February 16, 2007
11:07 pm
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mj
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Jewel, There are lots of people who care about you. You need to care about you. Have you read what others have written to you? You are not even reading the multiple responses just creating new threads. Slow down, take some breaths and talk to me. I care!

February 16, 2007
11:15 pm
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jewel
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I am reading everyones response. I just don't answer each post.

February 16, 2007
11:18 pm
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hma36
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I,m codependent. It took a lot of hurt and a lot of reading before I could see my self as others saw me. It's simply amazing how much I tried to control others in the guise that I was makig thier life better. My son once said to me, some time back,"Dad why don't you see some of the good things I do instead of always seeing the things I don't do so well. Wow! did thaty it home once I started reading about coda. I'm changing but It's a long path and one needs help to make a real go of it. Maybe we can help each other?

February 17, 2007
1:58 am
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mamacinnamon
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((hma36))

I'm sorry nobody is there helping you. Folks here are great for offering caring and support. Stick around and read and talk. You'll see.

Nice to meet you. 🙂

February 17, 2007
3:49 am
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jewel
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hma,

Are you new? You could create your own new thread that explains your situation. GOod luck!!!!!!

Jewel

February 17, 2007
7:24 am
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taj64
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Jewel I am around. I care. I did not know you were not doing well. What is going on? DOn't fall apart now. You've got lots of good things ahead of you.

February 17, 2007
7:38 am
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doubledilemma
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(((jewel))) You know that is not fair honey and it your illness, talking. If you read what I wrote to you last night, Eastern Australia time, you will see that I asked you specifically to contact your family doctor or a doctor who you trust and has the time for you. Sweetheart, this has gone on too far now baby, I am not sure you realise how you can carry on, when we have tried to bend over backwards for you, each and every one of us. I know you are young, you are not well, but I will say it again. Sweetie, you need to talk to your family doctor, explain and tell him all your concerns, what you are doing and saying and how your mood swings can readily swing.

You must be honest with other real people in your life, now hon. The time has come Jewel, honestly, the time has really come for you to get some help, but the first time must be your family doctor and/or your therapist, who you should come clean with. I have a feeling where you are, if you are in Florida, and I know there is an emergency mental health service somewhere, if you are near this town.

Keep posting, but Jewel hon, from the way in which you are talking, you are a very unwell young lady.

Please, please, the first thing you need is medical attention to get your moods properly stablised, and if not, is it you, or the medication?

Gentle hugs as always.

(((D_D))

February 22, 2007
11:46 am
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StronginHim77
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Jewel -

I have known you on these threads for a long time and have great respect for you. Please don't cave, sweetie. Get some help from your doctor ASAP and keep posting. We are here for you and we CARE.

Love,

Ma Strong

February 22, 2007
12:15 pm
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shelbeegirl
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Jewell, Please take a deep breath and focus on yourself. Please write us about how you are feeling so that we can discuss it together. You are very important and one of us. We all need to work together and help each other. I am waiting to hear from you.. Shelbeegirl

February 22, 2007
12:47 pm
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PiercedRose
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hey jewel,

i don't know how long you've been posting here, but i'm fairly new myself & i've only had a few people actually comment on my posts...maybe it's the fact that i've posted 3 threads? or maybe b/c i'm new & ppl haven't really bonded w/me like they have others...? i'm not sure really how all this works on here but just hang in there, b/c overall people here seem to care...i haven't read your thread about suicide, what's the name of it??

((hugs))

February 22, 2007
1:24 pm
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revelation
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Hi Piercedrose...I don't think its anything to do with not bonding, I just think that people won't post on a thread if they feel they have nothing to offer.

Jewel, to be honest I read your thread but I didn't respond...mostly because I have been suicidal myself its difficult to know what to say...everyone tends to want to "rescue" but there is no way to rescue you...you need to do that for yourself. I think that coming here looking for that magic answer will just frustrate you...I know, I tried that myself, and I found that I did over time get the answer I needed...and guess what...I knew the answer all along...I suppose just from reading about other peoples experiences in similar situations helps.

I know how bad you are feeling, it takes a lot of hopeless despairing feelings to want to end it all...all I can say, all I can ever say to anyone in your situation is that I know that you are in a dark palce right now, but there is light to be found...you have to try to find it yourself, nobody else can do that for you hun...nobody...and thats why I didn't respond...simply because I felt that any response I could give to you would be inadequate...could not possibly help...simply because you are in a place I once was...and I know that in the end, I had to respond to myself.

I'm not for one minute suggesting that the help I got here was not beneficial...but when I was feeling really really bad, I didn't come here...I can remember that the thought of posting here and saying how bad I felt made me feel for some reason very very scared...perhaps because I was afraid to face up to how bad I was feeling.

It got to a point one day last year (see I can't even think about it now without getting upset!!) when I had planned to buy a load of pills in a chemist and go up the mountains in my car and swallow them all with a drink....despair is the only word I can use to describe it...When I started to drive though, instead of to the mountains I ended up somehow on the motorway the other way out of Dublin and ended up at my aunts house, where I sat in her kitchen and just screamed and cried and sobbed until my head ached so bad....somehow that was a turning point...she listened and listened for hours to how I was feeling...I mean she just listened, she didn't speak at all until I asked her a question...and it just helped...what made me go to her house instead of to the mountains? Well...I've thought about this a lot, especially since I've been studying psychotherapy....but basically it was just the feeling deep down, way deep down that there was SOMETHING better for me...there was SOME hope just a glimmer that things would be ok...and it was just that little spark of hope that got me through...I wonder if you could maybe think about what little tiny spark of something there is that is keeping you here? Of course, I'm not saying thats all there is to it...I'm just saying that from that little glimmer of hope something can grow...for me, all I needed was that glimmer of hope and the fact that so many people hadn't given up on me when I had given up on myself...people were saying "You have so much to live for" and at first I can remember looking at them like they were crazy and screaming at them "WHAT? What to I have to live for?" and they would point out the stuff that they could see so clearly and that I just couldn't...so for a while I coped by just believing them...by not believing my own negativity for a change and just believing them...from there I gradually picked myself up, went for therapy myself, learned that there WAS a lot to live for...and even if life didn't "get" perfect overnight, I could strive for happiness myself...

So, now, I don't even have the time to get down Jewel, I'm too busy studying and looking after myself and my house...I've made new friends and well a whole new life...yes there are still times I get disillusioned by it all...but in my head is still that hope...and that hope keeps me striving.

When we are feeling negative, we miss the million and one little good things that happen every day...but trying to stay positive means we start to notice those things...and bit by bit those million and one good things build and build and the negatives don't matter any more.

Jewel somewhere, somehow there is something...however small and insignificant that you might think it is...there is something that you are meant to be here for...something good and something positive...there is no way in the great big plan of things, that you were meant to go through all you have gone through just for it to have meant nothing...it means something...there is something that you still have to give here on earth and there is something that the earth can give back to you...but you have to find that for yourself.

The task I have set myself is to help women...working-class women from dublin, women who struggle with codependency, women who are in abusive relationships, who are beaten down and oppressed and can't figure out why they feel so miserable...I want to help at least some of those women...thats my task...sometimes it seems daunting...but when I have acheived my qualifications and am able to go out there armed with my degree to help those people...well, thats when I'll know I was put here for a reason, I went through what I did for a reason...

February 22, 2007
2:22 pm
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lettingo
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Maybe it isn't that nobody cares but they don't know what to say. Can you really control someone else? You can offer support so I do hope you find that whether it is here or some place else. I found it is good to use a lot of different sources if possible. I use this site, a therapist, friends, etc. I don't thing you can totally depend on one things. Just my opinion.

February 22, 2007
4:46 pm
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loverbee
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jewel, I have heard a lot from you in the past and exchanged posts and here is all I have to say. Those suicidal thoughts and thoughts that you are a victim and no one cares are adictive. Don't cave into them. You need to be aware that people don't always have the time to check every thread and that people also don't always know what to say. If you need help, you should ask without thinking so much about suicide. That won't solve anything. But I have exams all this week and will try to check back, just hang in there. And talk...about anyting other than you being suicidal. Talk about why you feel like that and what is going on with you.

February 22, 2007
5:27 pm
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Anonymous
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jewel,

I hope you get feeling better too.

Maybe you can focus on what you do want.

What do you want?

Lots of support, attention, love, to live happily.

Postitve thoughts are thousands of time more powerful than negative thoughts.

Try writing something out like "I am happy now that...." and write all the things you want right now like you already have them.

When you are thinking this way maybe then the other suggestions other are telling you will feel right and you will be able to take action and really get what you need and want.

Being bi-polar must be hard. I am sorry you are on the downward side right now. May you find a balanced happy medium.

February 22, 2007
8:19 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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My name is horsefly and I have responded to your post 2months ago. So I do not feel guilty for not responded to your suicide threats now..I am possible suicical myself....so how could I help you but to say get a sponsor in A.A. since you have been sober for 11months.. I will support you and any way I can possibly...other than that that is all I have to offer...Be careful..horsefly

February 22, 2007
8:28 pm
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jewel
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Thanks for all the replies. I am just overwhelmed right now. Read the thread stressed and it tells you more about what is going on. And I have been living with birh defects my whole life. I have a doc appt on monday and i am so scared to tell the doc what is wrong. I feel like such a freak. There is another thread that tells you more. I think it is feeling really down tonight maybe. I have too many threads. I can't keep track. You all mean the world to me. I don't have the energy to write back to everyone individually, but thanks for being there in my time of sorrow.

Jewel

February 22, 2007
9:08 pm
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smarterone
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I dont understand how you can think that jewel. I myself try my hardest to either given an opinion on your wedding, and all you have been going thru. I think the problemn is that you are looking for an answer that only you and a professional can give. I do wish you the best ad come by whenever i can. I do care little bride to be.

February 22, 2007
9:21 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Hi Jewel,

I could not find a thread with "suicide" in the title.

I did find a thread title "stressed." That title does not convey much in the way of urgency--in fact, given what lots of people here are going through, a person who is merely "stressed" sounds like they are having kind of a nice day. So I could understand why lots of people wouldn't even read the thread.

🙂

Choosing appropriate titles for threads can be really helpful.

Next, I would want to caution you that while people can find support here, this forum can't really work as an emergency room--most of us are not trained crisis line staff, for example.

Someone with serious health problems--like contemplation of suicide, really needs to be working mainly with actual licensed professionals. A forum like this one can serve as a secondary source of support after you are stabilized, but really, I encourage you to take responsibility for your own health and reach out for the kind of help that only professionals can give you.

We'll still be here of course.

February 23, 2007
4:41 pm
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bluegirl
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Once again well said worried dad

February 23, 2007
10:43 pm
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jewel
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You all are so right. This site is not the answer when I am feeling suicidal. I need professional help. All of you have been a blessing to me and I appreciate that. I started group therapy today and it went pretty good. I am just trying to work on getting me better.

Jewel

February 24, 2007
12:07 am
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southgoingzax
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I'm glad to hear you are on the path to accepting some professional help - I really think it will be what you need, jewel. You need to take care of yourself the best way you can, and sometimes that means you have to ask for some help - from your doctor, psychiatrist, etc. It's hard to acknowledge that you can't do it on your own, I know, but we all need some help from time to time. Good luck,

zax

February 26, 2007
11:18 am
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smarterone
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Jewel, you have too much bad stuff going on. Go to the doctor, she succeeded with the alcohol, now the klonopin, depression and suicide. Go before the wedding pls.

February 26, 2007
1:51 pm
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Shaney
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Hey Jewel - It seems like you're kind of all over the place right now. You've got lots of issues you're trying to take care of and I can see that you're overwhelmed. I also see you making losts of doctors appointments, and then cancelling them due to not feeling well, or being afraid to go. You need to make those doctors appointments, whether to want to do or not. And not feeling well, is MORE of a reason for you to make these appointments. It's okay to feel bad and ask for support, but get yourself to these appointments, and be honest with your doctors - that's what they are there for. Don't hide anything, because eventually, it will all come out when you inevitably end up in the emergency room because of an overdose. Don't let it get this far. You're too smart for that. You can see what's happening here, and it's not going to get any better by staying home and thinking about how bad you feel. I know you feel bad honey, but pick that skinny little butt of yours up (all 100 pounds of you) and MAKE all of your appointments - including your group sessions. Individual therapy should be on the top of your list, my friend. I think group therapy is a great thing, but when it's coupled with individual therapy. You can do this jewel - I know you can. Take one appointment, and one day at a time, and try to relax. This is not going to all go away at once. It'll be some work. But I am glad to see that you have realized that you've replace the alcohol, with klonopin. Write back - I want to know how you're doing today. Love to you - Shaney

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