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I just want to say I Love you
November 10, 2005
6:06 pm
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enoch
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but I don't know how anymore.

November 10, 2005
7:36 pm
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exoticflower
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it's just the three words, enoch. I used to have real trouble with it too, but in the end found that I could hear/say it most easily when it was completely sincere.

What is going on? Do you want to talk or give some peek into the back story of the problem?

November 10, 2005
8:01 pm
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Rasputin
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(((Enoch)))

If you need to talk, I will be on this board tonite checking every now and then.

So honey do not hesitate!

Talk to you later~

November 10, 2005
8:06 pm
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on my way
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enoch,
who is in your heart?

November 10, 2005
8:11 pm
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Pleaser
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Enoch

You have your own pain too. Goodluck.

November 10, 2005
8:22 pm
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enoch
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my fiance? A month ago she said that she did not want to marry, me or anyone. She just did not want to be married.
Then she went off to relive her childhood passion. Spent a whole bunch of money paying for someone else to learn to ride, she bought them a horse and a large horse trailer. Her dream was to be a barrel horse rider, but she and her partner won only enough to pay for part of the gasoline.
On the one hand I feel horrible that they lost so much time and money, and on the other hand I am so very angry that she has no idea the pain she has caused me and her children.
I do love her so very very much, and she is going back to counseling and to church with me on Sunday. But I am confused.
I continued to go to counseling while she was away and learned so much about myself that I don't like at all.
Ya know it is so easy for me to give advise,but what is going on in my head and heart is so difficult to share. I just want to tell her that I love her, but I don't want it to be the dependency crap that goes on in my head, I want to love her in a healthy way. And for her to love me in a healthy way. I want to see her, but don't want to crowd her. I know that God answers prayer, because she is wanting to go to church for the first time in close to eight months, and she is going back to counseling.
When she left I thought that I would never see her again, and now that she is coming back tomorrow I don't want to have all of this emotional crap that has been exposed to me, pour out of me and cause her to run away again.
Make sense? Welcome to my mind.

November 10, 2005
8:30 pm
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Pleaser
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Thats tough Enoch

Be silent and still 2morro.

Let God do the talking and she will talk to you with her eyes, u will know how she feels but she left let her talk first, i think you are to sore to do the talking. As you will be saying to her I love you with the need for her to say it back.

Goodluck.

November 10, 2005
8:38 pm
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enoch
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that's just it... its more than wanting her to tell me that she loves me... its the fear that she won't...
see im an addict too

November 10, 2005
8:46 pm
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mamabear
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{{{{{Enoch}}}}}

You go to church, do you believe?

What is your addiction if you care to share?

You need to love yourself. You are worthy of love. Tell yourself over and over that I am worty of love, or whatever it is that you "should" know and maybe deep down do know, but are having a hard time seeing and accepting. Almost like a mantra. Banish that self doubt one moment at a time, squashe the negative thoughts, one thought at a time.

Support is here if you will only take it.
Mamabear

November 10, 2005
8:57 pm
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enoch
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Yes Mamabear, that is the sad part. I go to church, and pray and beleive that Christ is my Savior. And I know that He answered my prayers while she was away, because halfway through the trip she realized that the barrel racing thing was not for her and her new favorite expression is 'if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans.'
in many ways I see the Lord's hand in her life litterally...betting it all and loosing everything. and while I continue to pray that the Lord would open our respective eyes and hearts to Him and to make a marriage relationship right, under Him, my fear still remains that she will never love me enough to marry me.
'He can do more than we ask or imagine' Its my lack of faith that is getting in the way. I don't want to loose her.

November 10, 2005
9:08 pm
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mamabear
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Have you ever thought about her saying? Maybe it is your plan for you to marry her, but not God's?

A Very hard lesson that I just learned is that no matter what my husband may or may not do, God will be there for me, and needs that were not getting met were not getting met because I expected another person to meet them, rather than trusting in God.

We are not really supposed to discuss religion that much on this side, as it is offensive to some. So I will try not to be so "religious" but you do need to love yourself and realize that you are loved, and if she does not love you the way you want her to then you just have to love yourself that much more!

November 10, 2005
9:11 pm
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mamabear
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Some good advice I got from (of course) a forwarded e-mail.

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height.
Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down. (keep this In mind if you are one of those grouches;)

3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening,
whatever. Never let the brain get idle.
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and Lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen:
Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is yourself. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love:
Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity, and mean it!

November 10, 2005
9:25 pm
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Rasputin
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Mamabear,

This is so SWEET, COOL stuff. Thank you. You really drew a smile on my face.

God bless you~Ras~

November 10, 2005
9:26 pm
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enoch
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I know that you're right. and I know tha G is the one in charge. I have no way of knowing but our relationship was every day for eight years. Now that things have changed, and she is back, I desire to be with her. but I don't want to be just friends with her, nor do I want to even see her right now.

I was divorced before and not only did I swear that I would never be in a relationship again I vowed that I would never marry.
for eight years, our relationship grew closer and closer. I never laughed so hard, new any one so deeply, never genuinely cared for any one or anything so much in my life. And the feeling was mutual, she would call in the wee hours and ask me t marry her, or just to talk, hang out, do this that and everything else. we were inseperable.
then one day she announce she didn't want to marry, but stay friends
How?
It cant be friends like before. I cannot and will not be there as I was befor, because I know what I want from this relationshp. I do not want to hang around all of my life in the vain hope for something that will never be, nor do I want to leave and not be with her. I just dont know what to do and G is not inclined to tell me too much...although he has shown me a lot. I'm such a human

November 10, 2005
9:48 pm
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Amazed
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Great thread.

Why is it we have such a hard time saying this? I think too often people don't stop to think what a couple words can do for people.

Isn't it nice when someone actually takes the time to say I love you and mean it. Even to to a friend or a family memember. It doesn't have to be only to a lover.

In my family it's acceptable to say you love someone because they have done something nice or have been helpful. I know when someone says it to me it's because they are appreciative of things I have done to help them. Gosh it feels so good and makes the effort worth it.

To the converse it makes me sick when someone fakes it. They can't say the word love or actually allow themselves to feel it because it means something totally different. I'd prefer to have them say nothing at all.

The word love is so powerful and can do so much. To me it means the person cares enough for me to be able to say it to me and mean it. In turn I also treat it the same way. I love my friends and the people that love me. I love my spouse and my children. I even love the friend who has taken to the time to ask about me and how I'm doing.

This has special meaning to me because recently my daugther was told by a neighbor that she should not tell a boy she loves him. That is would give the wrong impression - yet this boy was the nicest kid I've seen her around in a long time. No she's not old enough to have a relationship of love, but isn't it ok for her to love someone that is nice and cares for her. Someone who makes her laugh and someone that makes her smile.

To me it's ok to love and tell people it's ok to do so. I also understand that for others it has a whole different meaning. Too bad for them, they are really missing out on a moment to enjoy life and someone who cares for them.

I say if you love them in your heart then let them know that. Who knows maybe by being open and honest the same feeling will be returned and isn't that ok? To hell with the game playing on the word.

I love to love.

November 11, 2005
1:18 pm
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Pleaser
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Enoch

I hope today went well for you. I felt for you last night. I hope she loves you still.

Pleaser

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