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I just found out that I'm the problem...
August 3, 2004
7:48 pm
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coda3190
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I'm a 30 year old guy, divorced, father of a beautiful 8 year old little girl. I lost my parents at a young age. I seem to have trouble finding a stable relationship. In a nutshell...a friend mentioned something about co-dependency..so yesterday I went and found a book dealing with co-dependency and it blew my mind!! It had a list of 42 CoDA behaviors and I checked off 39 of them!! My head is spinning. I actually found an explaination to what I have been feeling. Part of what I am feeling is embarassed to how I have been behaving. Now I'm in the process of trying to figure out how to stop. My current relationship is in dire straits and I now realize that I have been the the biggest problem. Not sure what to do at this point...I've found so much information that explains it, now I just need to find out how to correct it so that I may begin to enjoy some quality of life.

August 3, 2004
7:51 pm
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babysteps
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coda,

I would suggest looking into finding a coda meeting near you. You can find that information at http://www.codependents.org. Also, possibly look into finding a therapist that can help you work through your codependent tendencies.

I began therapy four weeks ago because I felt empty, and my therapist was the one to tell me I was codependent. I must say this is the best decision I have EVER made for myself.

Just recognizing your own codependent characteristics and wanting to resolve them is a HUGE step. Good for you! Keep posting; you are on the right track!

Baby Steps

August 3, 2004
8:15 pm
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coda3190
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Thanks Babysteps

I found that site earlier and they have a meeting at a church a few miles from my house...but to be honest I'm scared. I'm not a religious person first of all, so that makes me nervous and secondly, I'm embarassed and ashamed. To be even more honest, I'm really insecure around new people. I was seeing a therapist for a bout of severe depression after my divorce but I had to take the summer off because my little girl had so many summer activities is was difficult to keep up with her. Wonderful bonding time for us though. Anyway, I'm calling my therapist tomorrow so hopefully I can work on getting some answers. My daughter needs me to be healthy so I owe it to her and myself to stop procrastinating and get the help I need.

August 3, 2004
8:41 pm
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CAMER
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coda3190.... I know how you feel when you said you may be scared to go to a coda meeting, and being around new people...It took so much strength for me to walk inot my first coda meeting almost 3 years ago, and I still go, and i absolutely recommend and love it. I could not beleive how many men and women of all different ages all dealing with some sort of codependency. Its really good to go, cuz you realize you are not alone, and the people in the meetings are so caring and truely understanding. I have met some wonderful people in my local coda group, and I know I would not be the same person that I am today if I did not go. And I too
went to therapy for over a year and that helped tremendously.

I wish you luck on getting the help needed, books by Melodie Beatty are great and meetings I think are the best. You could always just try *one* meeting and see how it goes, but i guarantee you will like it.

You are taking the right steps now, coda3190 and that is for recognizing that you are codep. and willing to make changes for you.

Good luck!!!...camer

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