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I Just Blew Up!
September 13, 2000
4:26 pm
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Jaskid
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September 30, 2010
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The other day I just blew up with my old friend. I would not consider her my best friend because we are just too different. The things that are important to her are not important to me. She is very materialistic and does not believe there is a God. The support she thinks she gives me, puts me down. Instead of encouraging me she says sacastic things and tells me...You need to be doing this....Or I have to say that You...
Just stuff that I already know (any intelligent person would know) and stuff that just makes me feel bad about myself. I am not perfect and do not claim to be and I really do not think she understands my depression or even wants to try. She acts like she is better than me in some way. We both grew up on a farm and now that she has money and I don't it has totally changed her. Anyway I told her off very strongly and without thinking, said some things that probably hurt her...but then I wrote her a letter apoligizing for my reaction to her and told her that I think it just would be best if we did not talk for a while....What do you think?

:)Jaskid

September 13, 2000
8:11 pm
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Molly
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You know what ever you did was the only thing that you could do at the time right, can't go second guessing our selves. Money does change people, and the absence of money does the same too. Our true friends weather these storms, and you will see. So like when is the baby due??? I think the planets are re arranging right now, my sis got into it with her guy, my friend tossed her son out, my friend up north, quit her job, and I got into it today with my science project for a husband. I truly am ready to leave, but I am truly not in a position to do it. You sent the letter, that was a nice thing to do, now take a bath before hubby gets home, and you give him the leftover anger, which we women tend to do, love to you

September 13, 2000
9:51 pm
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Jaskid
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Thanks Moll,

My husband already got some of the leftover anger...and told me not to take it out on him...I said who can I take it out on then...When he's acting like a spaz...he tells me to just deal with it and let him act foolish. What do you mean your science project for a husband? are you trying to experiment on him and he is not being a very good subject?
I do not think men can handle anything new when it comes to us...unless it's sexual. Anyway...my baby boy is due Feb. 1st and right now I am a little worried because I went to see my family doctor and told her that I was on prozac and she said, oh no we have to get you off of that right away...There is risk a birth defects...I have been so upset...my GYN has assured me that it won't hurt the baby...I am very confused...I have started only taking one a day then I will take one every other, then stop. I can already feel the difference though...I am more irritable and feel spacy and depressed alot. My husband just told me tonight to stay on the prozac because he has already started to see the change...but how will I ever forgive myself if something does happen to the baby because of what I am taking?

Jaskid

September 18, 2000
2:40 pm
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Molly
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Do your research on the net, there is unbelievable information available, focus on that and think positve thoughts, will it that there is no damage, I am certain that the doctor, would not have allowed it to go on if there was concearn, just like everything one day it is bad the next who knows, just don't go dark. I'll look later for you too, as due to my science project of a spouse I must research all his meds, and conditions. I call him a science project because he has had diabetes, and extreamly high blood pressure. His md. keeps trying new meds out on him, he takes often 7-10 different RX and depending on if he is able to exercise his sugar level changes. The sugar level alone can take him from Dr. Jeckel to Mr. Hyde, then the other meds, I never know what he is taken or hasn't and depending what and when, or what or if he eats, I never know what is up. It clouds his brain, he is often confused, he often has headaches, and yada yada yada, combined with all the other stuff, lying manipulation, arguments, then Mr. Honey bear, it wreaks emotional havoc on my stability, and I am at the end of my patience. When we are tired, or ill, like children our true nature comes out. For him it is a type of anger and rage, self defense with out hearing, then the meds, he can't hear, and gets confused. Then he doesn't take a pill, or says he doesn't and is the sweetest guy in the world and tries to tell me that it was or is the meds. Well some of it I can buy into the other I can't . Its exhausting. We had a big blow up on Wednesday, he had basically been a great guy for 5 days, we had a fight on Friday, so he didn't take his meds all weekend, and he felt well, when I thanked him for the lovely weekend on Monday, I got the med story, then on Wednesday after hearing how he didn't feel well etc, and knowing he is going out to the mens weekend for watersports, I asked again about having access to money. I am not on any of his accounts and very vulnerable . I have been trying to get him to see my side since I returned in Jan. Well he flipps out on me Wednesday because of my selfishness, and I said hey your on California hwys, you want to do water sports, and you have a serious condition that could render you unconcious I need to be prepared, well I almost split, and he said good ridance, that I could just get financial aid from my friends. Thats comforting eh? The day he left he messed up his son's paycheck, and when contacted said he could wait, the boy has a wife and two kids to take care of and that is how he feels about that, it is not the man I fell in love with. So he comes home after a very questionable weekend, and is mr. Honey bear, I will admit sunday could have been good, but I can't turn it on and off any more, I couldn't accept his attentions, and affections as sincere know what I mean, then after the big manipulation, and lies about our life together, I am told I am impatient. Well inpatient, after I am told so I am a liar get over it, I don't care what happens after I am dead, and I don't have any desire to work on our old goals together, if that is what you want go for it, so I guess I am, but when he is so nice and comfortable for those few minuets, it makes it confusing. While he is alive he is a fair provider, controlling but not to bad, but his party is over, no longer will I sit like a fool, time is a passing and I need to look after my needs like I am supposed to trust this situation I don't think so. So lets explore the effect of prozac and I'm getting a job. Love to you.

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